Drag Race: WorldWide
by Cybertoy00
Summary: 10 Teams of animated drivers take off on a daring race across the world hosted by your favorite sadistic host, Chris MacClean. Along the way, they have to not just outrace each other, but the rest of the world as a whole.
1. Ready, Set

"Yo! We're comin' at you live from New York, New York, kicking off the hottest new TV series! I'm Chris MacClean, bringing you Drag Race: Worldwide!"

The cocky, smiling host punctured this last part with a double point to the camera. Still smiling, he took a few steps to the left to sit on the hood of a nearby convertible.

"Here's the deal. We've gathered ten teams of drivers to race from here, all the way to Paris, France. Along the way, they have to survive the harsh trials of the open road.

"Detours…

"Road hazards…

"Biker gangs…

"Traffic laws…

"And their fellow racers. The team that makes it to the finish line in one piece will receive tabloid fame, and cash prize which, let's face it, they'll probably blow in a week." Chris got off the hood and looked directly into the camera.

"Who will be the one to take home the gold? Who will come in last? And who will just survive? Find out right now, in-"

**Drag Race: World Wide!**

_Written by Cybertoy00_

_All Characters in this epic belong to the companies that own them. I own nothing but the race and story._

Episode 1: Get Ready, Get Set…

"Welcome back," Chris said, "To Drag Race: Worldwide. Let's meet our ten cars and their drivers." He then squinted, before relaxing his eyes. "And here's our first team! Number 00, the Mean Machine!"

The Mean Machine of Wacky Races fame parked itself nearby(Next to a fire hydrant, no less) and out stepped those double-dealing do-badders, Dick Dastardly and Muttley, Dastardly dressed in his infamous racing uniform.

"Dick, Muttley, glad to be here?" Asked Chris.

"Of course." Dastardly replied, a wicked smile forming to match Chris' own. "And I'll be even more glad when I win."

Muttley snicked.

"Cool." Chris heard a car horn sound off, and looked past Dastardly. A yellow school bus, one that seemed to be dotted with multiple globes, had driven up.

"And now we have Number 1, the Magic School Bus."

The doors of the Magic School Bus opened up, and out twirled Ms. Frizzle, clothed a dress that was dotted with state symbols.

"Wahoo!" The 'Friz' laughed as she landed next to Chris. Dastardly had to take a step back to keep his feet from being stepped on.

"Ms. Frizzle."Chris said, "What's up?"

"Hello, Chris!" Ms. Frizzle said excitedly. "My class and I can't wait to hit the road!"

"Class?" Chris blinked, the looked over her shoulders. He saw a group of kids climb out of the bus. "Get. Out. That is awesome! Hey," he gestured to the cameraman, "Let's get a good look at these kids."

The camera panned over to show Ms. Frizzle's class lined up outside the Bus; Arnold, Carlos, Dorothy Ann, Keesha, Phoebe, Ralphie, Tim, and Wanda. Ms. Frizzle's pet iguana, Liz, sat at Arnold's feet.

"I'm using this race as an opportunity to teach my class more about the country and world we live in." Ms. Frizzle said proudly.

"Way to keep our educational standards up, Val." Chris grinned, giving the teacher a friendly fist bump, which she returned. After Ms. Frizzle's class took their place with Dastardly and Muttley by the 'driver waiting' area, the next car drove up.

"Car Number 3, the Freakamobile!" Announced Chris.

After the Freakamobile parked, out jumped the 'superteen extraordinaire' Freakazoid. Freakazoid quickly hopped onto a nearby mailbox and hollered into the air, "I'M HERE EVERYONE!"

After listening to his voice echoing off the New York buildings, Freakazoid hopped off the mailbox and walked up to Chris.

"Sorry, I had to get that out of my system," Freakazoid apologized, shaking Chris' hand.

"No problem, man." Chris assured, "I know where you're coming." As Freakazoid walked to the waiting area, Chris saw another car comng.

"And now, here's car Number 4, the Rustbucket!" Chris declared, as the deceptively beat-up-looking RV drove up. After it parked, the Tennyson crew- Ben, his cousin Gwen, and Grampa Max- strode out to greet Chris.

"Gramps, welcome," Chris said, shaking the elderly man's hand, "Thanks for coming by."

"Thank my grandson," Grampa Max replied," He's the one who entered us in this thing."

"No way. That is just…awesome!" Chris laughed, "Give me five, little man!"

"Ye-heah!" Ben laughed, "We're gonna win this thing!"

Chris and Ben hi-fived, and the Tennyson family took their place with the other drivers. As Ben stood with near Ms. Frizzle's class, Ralphie took an interest in something he had.

"Cool watch." Ralphie commented, looking at the Omnitrix, "Where'd you get it?"

"Uh… Internet." Ben said evasively, hiding the hand with the alien device behind his back.

The sound of tires on pavement alerted Chris to a car's approach.

"I give you car Number 5…" Chris trailed of when he saw the fifth team. It consisted of three bears, each stylishly dressed(One even had an AFRO!), one smaller than the other. Instead of a car, the three bears seemed to be riding on thin air, while a pair of invisible wheels ground away at the street. Upon driving up to Chris, the three bears hopped off their unseen form of transportation.

"Hey there, Chris," Hair Bear(The afroed bear) greeted.

"Help, it's the Hair Bear Bunch!" Chris grinned, giving a double point at the bears. His smile faded somewhat as he looked at where their vehicle should be. "Um, mind filling us in on what you'll be riding for the race?"

"Oh that?" Hair Bear asked, cocking his head to where Chris was looking. "That's Square's Wheels."

Chris blinked, uncomprehending.

"I don't know how he does it either," Hair Bear admitted. "I'm just glad he does."

"Right…" Chris replied slowly, not really getting it. His cocky smile returned when he saw the next car coming.

"And now, I give you car Number 6, the Desoto Adventurer, driven by the Freelance Police!" Chris declared, as the Aventurer came to a screeching halt. Out from the Desoto popped an anthropomorphic dog in a hat and suit, and a shorter, rabbit thing with a crazed grin, complete with a set of razor-sharp teeth.

"Sam, Max, what's up?" Chris asked.

Sam, the suited dog gave Chris' hand a gentle shake, while Max the rabbit, not willing to wait his turn, grabbed Chris' _other _hand, and shook it, causing the rest of Chris' body to follow suit.

"T-t-that's e-e-enough-!" Chris managed to say, and Sam quickly separated the host and his partner.

Deprived from his game of 'shake the host' Max gave his competitors a look-down.

"Hey, Sam, that guy's just wearing underwear!" Max called out, pointing at Freakazoid. He directed his sight to the Hair Bear Bunch. "And _those_ guys aren't wearing pants!"

"Neither are you," Sam pointed out.

"Yeah, but I'm cute and marketable," Max countered.

Chris was spared from giving these two characters anymore attention when the sound of a car approaching caught his eye.

"And now we have car Number 7, Daddy's Ferrari, driven by some dear friends of mine." Chris announced.

What may be the most _expensive- _looking Ferrari drove up, with two former campers from Total Drama Island; Duncan in the driver's seat, and Lindsay in shotgun.

"Duncan, Lindsay! Glad you could be here." Chris took a moment to leer. "Happy to see me?"

"No." Duncan answered shortly, getting out. Without giving Chris another look he marched to the other drivers. He was about halfway there when Lindsay knocked him over in a mad dash.

"What a cute bunny!" the hotty squealed, giving Max a bone-crushing hug. After a few minutes of cuddling and baby talk from Lindsay, Sam and Duncan had to separate the two.

"You okay?" Sam asked his partner.

"I like her, she's silly." Max commented, his voice a little weak from the squeezing.

"Here comes car Number 8, the Phooeymobile!" Chris declared, trying to regain control of the situation(As well as the attention).

The Phooeymobile, which looked more like a cross between an automobile and an Asian tent parked itself in a nearby space. Out from it hopped Hong Kong Phooey, martial art-using superhero, who was also an anthropomorphic dog, though dressed in a karate gi and of different breed of dog from Sam. A striped, surly-looking cat of indiscriminate breed also exited the Phooeymobile.

"Hong Kong Phooey," Chris greeted, shaking the karate-dog's hand, "How do you feel?"

"Man-O-Riffic! It's great to be here, Chris!" Hong Kong crowed.

The striped cat, Spot, slapped his forehead and grumbled. Upon arriving at the drivers' area, he and Muttley began to glare at each other.

Chris couldn't help but chuckle at that. He heard the sound of tires screeching, and looked that way to see an ice cream truck barreling down the road…with no sign of slowing down!

"Look out!" Grampa Max screamed, and everyone dove for cover.

_Crash!_

The ice cream truck stopped just in time before anyone could get hurt, but not fast enough to avoid knocking over a payphone.

"Uh, car Number 9… Sweet Tooth." Chris introduced, uneasily poking his head out from behind the red convertible.

The ice cream truck(Which had these eerie red blotches on the hood and windshield)'s door opened up, and out step a figure who looked mindlessly terrifying. It was a clown, or some guy wearing a clown's mask. He wore a pair of polka-dotted pants held up by a pair of suspenders, as well as a pair of leather gloves. No one was sure what was the most spooky thing about this clown guy, whether it was the psychotic look in his eyes, the mad grin on his face, the knife he held in his right hand…or the fire that burned on his head.

"Needles Kane. Hi there." Chris said evenly.

"Chris." Needles(Better known as Sweet Tooth) replied, pocketing his knife. "This race better be…" The clown took a deep breath. "…Interesting."

"Oh, it will be, don't worry." Chris assured, keeping an eye on the pocket with Sweet Tooth's knife. "Oh, and dude? Work on your braking. You nearly hit my car, man."

"I'll keep that in mind," Sweet Tooth chuckled, taking his place with the other drivers. They made sure to give him plenty of space.

"And, car Number 10," Declared Chris, pointing, "The Starship, with! Kirby of the Stars!"

The yellow, star-shaped vehicle rode right up to Chris, slightly bobbing as it stopped. The cockpit opened up, revealing the pink ball of eating power sitting inside.

"Kirby, dude, how ya doin'?" Chris asked, peering inside.

Kirby stared up at him and blinked.

"Don't bother tryin' to talk to him!" A little voice chirped.

A little green bird wearing a pair of aviation goggles flew up and onto Kirby's head.

"He hasn't gotten that smart!" Tokkori laughed, and Kirby, not getting the joke, laughed with him.

"So you're his translator?" Chris asked bemused.

"Exac-Tokkori."

"Okay, all ten cars are here," Duncan grunted, "Can get this thing started now?"

As the more aggressive drivers mad their agreements vocal, Chris shook his head and pulled out a digital camera.

"Let's get a few pics for the promos, 'kay?" Chris asked, in that 'you don't have a choice' tone he loved to use from time to time.

After everyone had grouped themselves so that they would all be in the photo(There had been some argument on where Sweet Tooth should stand- no one wanted him near the kids), Chris began to get ready. While he checked to make sure the lens cap was off and the memory card had a space, Arnold, who was standing at the right end, felt something wet near his shoe. Looking down, he saw the biggest roadside puddle of his life, right next to the racers.

"Yeah, we had some rain yesterday," Chris had explained, "But don't worry."

Pretty soon, no one was thinking about the puddle as they posed for the picture.

"Okay, ready?" Chris asked from behind the camera, "On 'three' say Nascar! One…two…three!"

"Nascar!" Everyone cheered, and as just as Chris was in the motions of capturing the shot, a taxi zipped by, over the puddle, sending a huge spray of water on the racers, soaking them!

"Okay, come inside to get some towels to dry off with," Chris called out over the groaning and sputtering, "And I'll explain the rules of the race to you."

--

Inside, everyone had been given a towel true to Chris' word. As they sat down in a rented conference room, Kirby, sitting on Sam's head, pulled out a stick and began to roast marshmallows with Sweet Tooth's head-fire. The psycho gave the pink puffball a look.

"Okay, time to give you guys the 411 on the race," Chris pushed a button on a remote, and the lights went out. A projector went on soon afterwards, showing a map of the United States on a screen.

"All right. The first leg of the race starts here, in New York City," Chris explained, "From here, you will each have to drive your way across North America to the our finish line in San Francisco, at the Golden Gate Bridge. From there, you will be ferried across the Pacific Ocean to China, where the second half of the race will set you across Asia, Russia, and Europe, ending at the Eiffel Tower in Paris France."

The lights went back on.

Dorothy Ann held up her hand, as if she was in classroom being given a lecture. "Excuse me, Chris? What exactly is our race course?"

"I just told you." Chris replied nonchalantly.

"No you didn't." The young girl protested.

"Dorothy Ann does have a point," Ms. Frizzle pointed out. "What exactly is our route?"

"Your route? Okay, here's your route." Chris paused for a second before throwing his arms out. "You don't have one! Which means, this is gonna be awesome!"

Grampa Max stood up. "Wait, you mean we can go anywhere in this race?"

Chris grinned. "Whatever floats your boat, man."

While no one was looking, Dastardly handed Muttley a railroad spike.

"Go pop their tires with this," Dastardly ordered quietly. When Muttley began to whimper, Dastardly countered, "Just do it! I'll tell you the rules later!"

As Muttley slinked out of the room, Sweet Tooth had his own inquiry.

"So, we'll be allowed to do whatever we want during this?" the clown asked, a menacing gleam in his eyes.

"What happens on the road is your business," Chris answered, and Sweet Tooth's mad smile got even bigger. Chris reached on a box next to his and tossed a camcorder to the psychotic clown.

"Use these cameras to keep a video diary of your thoughts and feelings on the race. If you know, you ever need to say anything special to our viewing audience, or just wanna get something off you chest." Chris explained, "Let the people watching know how you feel!

--

**Freelance Cam: **_Max stared into the camera for a second before screaming, "AAAAHHH!"_

"_Stop that, Max!" Sam ordered, "You want to get sued by Ubi Soft?"_

--

"Any other rules we should know about?" Duncan asked.

"A few. First off, if your car gets destroyed, you're out." Chris said. "Secondly, only the first five teams to the Golden Gate will be going on to the second half, so all you soon-to-be losers will be stuck here in America while you soon-to-be speed demons will go onto the final stretch."

Chris was about to say more when Muttley burst in looking frantic. Rushing up to Dastardly, the dog began to babble in high-speed canine talk.

"What is it, Muttley?" Dastardly asked, confused. "Slow down, already!"

"What is it, boy?" Freakazoid, getting on all fours to look the dog in the eye. "Is Timmy trapped in a well?" Freakazoid turned to look at the other racers. "I've _always _wanted to say that!"

Frustrated, Muttley began to point toward the door.

"Looks like something's going on outside," Hong Kong Phooey decided, "Let's go."

--

Outside, everyone saw that their cars were gone.

Every.

Single.

One.

As the other racers stared in silent shock, only Dick Dastardly had anything to say.

"Drat!"

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

(Author's note: The Tennyson family in this fic is from the first Ben 10 series. This Alien Force is too…mature for my liking.)


	2. Hit the Road and Hard!

(A/N: first off, read Total Drama Road Trip, by NeoChick. A very good story, and the inspiration to this one. Second, thank you, Ud the Imp, for being the first one to review. And now, on with the show!)

Episode 2: Hit the Road, and Hard!

Everyone stared at the lack of cars in the area.

"Where'd our cars go!?" cried Freakazoid, looking around. "They were here ten minutes ago!"

"Who could have done this?" Grampa Max asked.

"One guess." Duncan commented, looking toward the entrance of the building they were in last episode.

"What's wrong, racers?" Chris asked, stepping out. He had a stack of envelopes tucked under his right arm. "Lost something?"

Gwen's eyes widened, and then narrowed. "You! You took our cars!"

Some of the violent racers began to close in on Chris, growling ominous threats under their breath.

The sadistic host held up his hands in a placating gesture. "I know you're thinking, 'Dude, where's my car?' but don't worry, they haven't been stolen- just stationed." Chris assured. "To make the start of the race more interesting, I had our interns hide your rides all over the city. All you have to do is find them, and then you can hit the road."

--

**Duncan/Lindsay Camera: **_Lindsay sighed and wiped her brow. _

"_That is _such_ a relief," She said, "I was afraid I'd have to tell daddy his car got stolen."_

--

Chris tossed each race team one of the envelopes he had under his arm. "These are the directions to your cars. Happy hunting, and I'll see you in San Francisco!"

While nine of the ten teams opened their envelopes, the Hair Bear Bunch didn't bother.

"Square Bear, Bubi Bear," Hair Bear said to his fellows, "Let's split!"

All three bears hopped into the and just floated there, sitting on a motorcycle that wasn't there. Square Bear gave the 'bike' a kick-start, and the sounds of an engine roaring to life filled the air.

"Like the man said," Hair Bear announced to his fellow racers, waving them goodbye, "See you in San Francisco!"

Everyone else stared as the Hair Bear Bunch rode off in a cloud of dust. A few minutes, they realized what had happened and charged out, their frantic yelling filling the air.

Chris watched them go and shook his head before turning back to the camera. "Well, there you have it. Ten teams have started off on their mad dash to the Golden Gate Bridge. And while it does seem a little unfair that the Bears didn't get their car stolen, er, stationed, that's just how life rolls, I guess. Though I thought the interns said they took ten cars out of here…" Chris quickly looked around. "Hey… Where's _my _car!?"

--

**Team Frizzle**

Ms. Frizzle's class arrived at the destination marked in their directions- an open manhole. Tim took a few steps forward before backing away with his nose pinched.

"Ugh!" He gasped, "Pooh-gas!"

Ms. Frizzle strapped on a pair of goggles. "Looks like I'm going in!" She announced. "Class, you wait for me up here. Liz, you're in charge."

The class pet saluted.

Fitting a gas mask over her mouth, 'the Friz' stepped down the manhole, into the sewer.

"At my old school," Phoebe commented, "No one hid our bus down a sewer."

**Freakazoid**

Freakazoid stood outside the building where the Freakamobile should be.

"Well, here I go," Freakazoid said, and pushed through the glass doors. The sight that awaited him stopped him in his tracks.

It was a convention. A cartoon convention. Even worse, there were multiple life-sized models of famous cartoon cars, like Benny, from _Who Framed Roger Rabbit_.

"Okay… No problem, I can handle this." Freakazoid said, reassuring himself. A horrible thought struck his mind. "Wait, this means-!"

"Freakazoid! Hey, Freakazoid!"

Freakazoid knew he shouldn't have turned, but he did. Pushing through the throngs of cartoon lovers was the overweight, perpetually nerdy Fanboy. Under the circumstances, Freakazoid did the only sensible thing he could do. He screamed and bolted.

**Team Tennyson**

The Tennyson family quickly stopped where they were to catch their breath. They had been running a while now.

"Are we almost there, Grampa?" Gwen asked, her cheeks red from exhaustion.

Grampa Max double-checked the directions. "Not yet, Gwen."

"Ah, forget this!" Ben growled, and began to fiddle with the Omnitrix, "I was saving this for later, but…"

"What are you doing?" Grampa Max asked.

"I'm gonna go XLR8 and just rush us there!" Ben announced, "Here we go!"

Ben slammed down on the devices activator, and in a flash of green light, became the high-speed alien known as XLR8.

"Hang on!" XLR8 said, and grabbed both Gwen and Grampa Max.

"Wait- Ben!" Gwen said before the entire family vanished in a blur.

**Team Phooey**

"Keep an eye out, Spot!" Hong Kong Phooey said, not looking up from the directions as they walked. "According to this, the Phooeymobile should be nearby- Yow!"

Hong Kong lost his footing and grabbed a hold of ledge.

Spot slapped his forehead and grumbled. After helping Hong Kong up, the striped cat looked down the hole his master had nearly fallen down, and could just barely make out the Phooeymobile at the bottom.

**Sweet Tooth**

Needles Kane, better known as Sweet Tooth, entered the parking garage used by the New York branch of the Tasty-Taste Ice Cream Company's ice cream trucks. It was child's play getting in without permission- They hadn't set up a security force yet that could stop _him_.

The garage was dark, and as Needles fumbled for a light switch, he thought of the simplicity of it all. Hiding his ice cream truck with _other_ ice cream trucks? _That _wasn't very imaginative.

Finally, he found the switch and flipped it on.

He saw dozens of ice cream trucks, all of which looked like his. Right down to the red blotches.

Needles screamed.

**Sweet Tooth Camera: **_Needles made a cutting motion with his knife. "When I find Chris, I'm gonna make his smile a little wider."_

**Freelance Police**

The Freelance Police found their car in an alleyway in the bad part of New York City. The only problem was, a gang of belligerent punks found it first.

"Look at that Max," Sam commented, "A gathering of society's castoffs have decided that our primary mode of transportation is accommodating enough to take for themselves, and are trying to claim it by means of crowbar usage."

"That's so touching," Max replied. He began to bounce on his fuzzy white heels. "Does this mean we can protect our assets as violently as possible?"

"Can't think of a reason why not," Sam shrugged, hands in pockets. "Let 'em have it."

With a gleeful squeal, Max pounced.

**Freelance Camera: **_"Remember kids," Sam said, index finger raised, "Violence is not the answer."_

"_But it sure is fun!" Max's voice drifted over the sounds of steel clashing._

**Duncan/Lindsay**

"Duncaaan," Lindsay whined. "My feet hurt."

"Deal with it," Duncan replied over his shoulder.

The two had arrived at the parking garage where Chris' interns had stashed Daddy's Ferrari. The attendant had told them which floor the car was on, but the elevators were out which meant the pair were forced to 'hoof it.' This wouldn't have been so bad except that the Ferrari was on level fifteen.

**Team Kirby**

Kirby and Tokkori followed their directions to a large pile- several large piles- of random garbage.

"Our car must be under all that rubbish," Tokkori thought aloud, fluttering above and ahead of Kirby, "But how do we get it out?"

Kirby thought for a moment, and then he began to inhale the trash. Unfortunately, he also ended up inhaling Tokkori as well.

**Team Dastardly**

At an impound lot, Dastardly tried retrieve the Mean Machine, to no avail.

"What do you mean I can't have it!?" Dastardly yelled, jumping up and down. "It's my car!"

"Come down, sir," The lot attendant said, "I said you can't have it _yet_. Just fill out these forms…" The man quickly shoved a foot thick stack of papers into Dastardly's arms, "And she's all yours."

Grumbling, Dastardly got out a pen and began to write. Muttley snickered.

**Dastardly/Muttley Camera: **_"After I win the race," Dastardly swore, "I am going to use my winnings to fund my revenge against Chris for this indignity!"_

**Hair Bear Bunch**

The Hair Bear Bunch, on Square's Wheels, rode along the street towards the exit that would take them out of New York City.

"I gotta say," Hair Bear commented, "This race is in the bag for us! By the time the others get their cars, we'll be out of the state!"

Suddenly, a truck drove out onto the road.

"What's that?" Bubi Bear asked.

Hair Bears eyes widened when he saw the words on the truck's side. "It's the animal control! U-turn, Square, U-turn!"

And the Bears found themselves going back the way they came…

--

In his luxurious trailer, Chris said, "I thought I should do as any citizen would and report that a few bears from the zoo were roaming the city, heh heh heh."

--

**Team Tennyson**

At the top of a law firm, XLR8 dropped Grampa Max and Gwen right in front of the Rustbucket. Actually, upon reaching the roof via running up the side of the building, the Omnitrix ran out of power and XLR8 became Ben once again, causing the entire Tennyson party to crash into the RV's front bender.

"Nice job, dweeb!" Gwen grunted, rubbing where her head hit the Rustbucket.

"Hey, I got us here, didn't I?" Ben asked, trying to ignore the pain in his knee.

"Everybody in," Grampa Max ordered, and he and the kids got inside.

"How do you think they got the Rustbucket all the way up here?" Gwen asked, strapping her seatbelt on.

"I'm more concerned with how we're getting _down_." Grampa Max commented, punching in some commands into the Rustbucket's secret panel.

"So, how are we…?" Ben trailed off when he heard the engine roar to life. He and Gwen exchanged looks.

"Oh nooo…" They murmured, a horrible premonition hitting them both.

"Hang on!" Grampa Max yelled, stomping on the accelerator.

With that, the Rustbucket rocketed off of the structure…

**Team Phooey**

"Here's the plan, Spot," Hong Kong said, tying a rope around his cat's waist, "I'll lower you down, you bong the gong, turning the Phooeymobile into the Phooey-copter, and fly out."

Spot grumbled, but didn't stop as Hong Kong lowered the striped feline down. As soon as Spot soon became dot from Hong Kong's perspective, a snapping sound was heard, followed closely by a thud. And the rope became lighter.

"Spot?" Hong Kong called down, "Are you okay?"

A faint grumbling was heard. Soon after, a faint 'bong' was heard, followed by the sound of helicopter blades. A few minutes later, the Phooey-copter flew up and landed next to Hong Kong Phooey.

"Man-o-riffic!" Hong Kong cheered, and hopped into the driver's seat.

**Team Frizzle**

Ms. Frizzle's class sat on a bench near the manhole where their teacher had vanished down.

"She's been down there a long time," Keesha commented.

"I hope she's okay." Said Arnold.

Suddenly the ground began to shake.

"Earthquake!" Carlos cried.

Then the pavement burst open, and the Magic School Bus, with a large drill out front, soared out of the hole.

"No, it's friz-quake!" Wanda cheered.

The Bus' door opened up, revealing Ms. Frizzle, looking a little dirty.

"Seatbelts, everyone!" She called out.

As the kids got into their seats, Arnold put his hands together in prayer.

"Please let this race be normal," Arnold hoped, "Please, please, _please_, no more surprises."

Wanda sat down next to him. "Come on, Arnold, you know better than that."

Arnold's groans were lost in the roar of the engines.

**Freelance Police**

"Gas? Check." Sam muttered, making sure the Desoto Adventurer was in drivable condition. "Tires filled up? Check. Engine okay? Check."

Sam slammed the hood down and turned to Max. The lagomorph was busy jumping on the only punk still conscious.

"Why! Won't! You! Just! Die!" Max grunted with each bounce.

"Max, quit fooling around and let's go. We're burning daylight." Sam called out.

"Just a second!" Max called back, giving the 'perp' one last stomp before hopping into the Desoto. A few minutes later the Freelance police was on their way. Of course, Sam would have preferred to drive, but he was too busy clinging to the dashboard to complain…

**Team Kirby**

"Come on, Kirby, keep sucking away!" Tokkori cheered, hiding a safe distance from Kirby's mouth. The Star Warrior had kept inhaling garbage after spitting Tokkori out(The bird hadn't been to happy about that, but got over it shortly.), and had almost pulled the Starship out of the trash. A few minutes later, the Starship was no clear of all refuge.

"All right!" Tokkori hollered. "Let's go!"

In no time at all, Kirby and Tokkori had boarded the Starship and were on their way.

**Sweet Tooth**

After what must have been fifty false starts, Needles found the Sweet Tooth ice cream. The search became much easier when he remembered to keep an eye out for his paper bag Harold on the dashboard. A few employees of the ice cream had come by to throw Needles out, but, well…he took care of them, but good.

Now, he was back behind the wheel of his favorite car. The gas tank was full, the missile launcher and machine gun was loaded, and the open road was before him! Sure, it had some pedestrians, but that's what the machine gun was for…

(A/N: Remember, kids, this isn't something people should do!)

**Freakazoid**

Freakazoid peeked out from the cardboard cut-out of Penelope Pitstop he had hid behind in order to escape from Fanboy.

"I have to find the Freakamobile and get out of here!" Freakazoid said quietly. "Aha!"

On a plateform not too far away, sat the Freakamobile! With a triumphant cry, Freakazoid jumped from his hiding place and into the Freakamobile.

"So long, suckers!" Freakazoid laughed, and the Freakamobie sped off, leaving a trail of comic destruction in its wake.

"Wait!" Fanboy cried out, "I have so much more to talk to you about!"

**Duncan/Lindsay**

After about a dozen flights a stairs, Duncan and Lindsay found Daddy's Ferrari.

"Finally!" Lindsay sighed, falling into the passenger seat. "Now I can relax- Ahh!"

Lindsay's relief was cut short when Duncan hopped into the driver's seat and slammed down on the pedal. The Ferrari zoomed off in a screech of burning rubber.

**Team Dastardly**

Back at the impound lot, Dastardly slammed the stack of papers onto the desk of the clerk.

"There!" He hissed. "Everything signed, checked, and completed! Now may I please have my car back!?"

The clerk pointed outside. "All yours."

Dastardly grabbed Muttley and ran for the door. "C'mon, Muttley, we're leaving!"

--

On the George Washington Bridge, the Mean Machine blasted down the surprisingly empty roadway.

"I think we may have gotten the lead!" Dastardly laughed nefariously, "I saw the Hair Bears being chased by animal control down on Main, and I don't see anyone in front of us!"

Dastardly appeared to have spoken too soon, as the Rustbucket landed right in front of him!

"What!" Dastardly cried.

Ben poked his head out the window. "I think we're in the lead, grampa!" Ben yelled back inside.

"Drat!" Dastardly muttered, and Muttley snickered. "Well, at least we're in second…"

No sooner had the words left his mouth did the Phooey-copter landed in front of the Rustbucket, transforming back into the Phooeymobile as it did so.

"Err, third place…" Dastardly conceded reluctantly.

Daddy's Ferrari then zoomed past all three of them then, going slow enough to see Duncan's cocky expression.

"See you in San Francisco, losers!" Duncan yelled over his shoulder.

However, the Hair Bear Bunch took that moment to appear in the next lane over.

"Sorry we're late!" Hair Bear called out, "We had to make a slight detour with the animal control!"

The Magic School Bus then appeared behind the Bears. Ms. Frizzle honked the horn.

"Hi!" She called out.

Then the Freelance Police drove.

"What a thoroughly remarkable coincidence!" Sam yelled.

"Can we shoot their tires out, Sam?" Max asked eagerly.

"Maybe next episode, little buddy."

The Starship drove up next, and Kirby waved at his fellow racers. Soon after, Freakazoid appeared in the Freakamobile.

"Hey, everybody!" Freakazoid waved.

Suddenly, there was a small explosion behind his car. Looking behind, everyone saw a familiar ice cream truck with the spooky clown head on top.

"It's Sweet Tooth!" Arnold cried from his seat on the Bus. "Faster, Ms. Frizzle! Faster!"

No one needed much convincing to do _that_. And as everyone drove off into the sunset, one lone voice drifted over the sound of Sweet Tooth's missiles.

"Um, Doug, I have to go to the bathroom."

_**To be Continued…**_


	3. New Jersey Labyrinth

Chris MacClean smiled at the camera in his trailer. "Last time, on Drag Race: Worldwide!

"Ten cars and their drivers signed up for a road race all the way from New York City to Paris, but instead of letting them drive from the starting line, we hid their cars all over the city. Ms. Frizzle had to brave pooh-gas in order to get her bus back, and Dick Dastardly was forced to face the worst foe ever- the impound lot's form system.

"The Hair Bear Bunch got an early lead- which they lost when the New York animal control showed up on the road." Chris paused to take a sip from his coffee mug. "Now every team is on the road, and have now entered New Jersey.

"Who will be the one to leave the Garden State first? Has the Friz gotten that pooh-gas stink out of her hair?" Suddenly, the trailer hit a bump, causing Chris' coffee to spill on his shirt. "Ahh! And, can I get this stain out in time for my next scene?

"Find out right now, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 3: New Jersey Labyrinth

The sun rose up, and small bunny hopped onto the edge of the New Jersey turnpike. The highway in the early morning was calm…peaceful…almost serene.

_VROOOM!_

That changed instantly as several odd vehicles charged down the roadway, causing the furry little hopping mammal to duck down and quiver. Looking up, the bunny saw one last vehicle zoom past…was that an ice cream truck?

In the driver's seat of Sweet Tooth, Needles began punching in commands to arm his missile launcher. The clown head on top of the truck begin to move somewhat, as a cannon barrel pushed its way out from between the teeth. Keeping one hand on the steering wheel, Needles began to aim his missile at the next car ahead.

"Hail and farewell, officers," the fire-headed clown snickered maliciously.

The next car ahead happened to be the Freelance Police's Adventurer. Sam, now safely behind the wheel, took that moment to check his rear view mirror, and spied an armed and dangerous ice cream truck bearing down on them.

"Hey, Max, guess who's ready to take this game up a notch?" Sam grinned, jerking his thumb back.

Max looked up from the rubix cube was trying to solve(By using a screwdriver). "Ooh! Does this mean we can retaliate without being made to seem the instigators?"

"That sort of thing never stopped us- or you- in the past," Replied Sam calmly. "What have you got?"

Max reached down under his seat and pulled out something round. "Just this old grenade," He answered. He then took a closer look at the bomb. "Wasn't there supposed to be a pin here, somewhere?"

Sam shrugged. "Might as well toss it."

Max casually did so and dumped the grenade out his window. The green explosive rolled down the road and as it went under Sweet Tooth, nothing seemed to happen. However, _just after_ the grenade rolled out from Sweet Tooth, it went off, sending the clown spinning off the highway, not to mentioned putting a large crater where that section of the highway used to be.

Glancing back at the destruction they've caused, Sam looked at Max. "Do you think we may have inconvenienced the masses with our counterattack?"

"Well, if a good portion of the New Jersey Turnpike has to blown to kingdom come just so a deranged clown would be unable to win a reality show, then so be it." Max replied.

"You slay me, pal." Sam laughed.

--

Up ahead, the Rustbucket had problems itselve, namely, being tailgated by the Mean Machine.

Gwen looked anxiously at the diabolical duo from the RV's rear window, and back at Grampa Max in the driver seat.

"Doesn't this have a hyperdrive, or something?" She asked.

"It does," Grampa Max replied, "But I think we broke it landing on the George Washington Bridge."

Ben looked despondent for a moment before brightening up. "No problem! I'll just go Grey Matter and fix it in seconds!"

Ben began to fiddle with the Omnitrix. Grinning, Ben slammed his hand down on the dial, and in a flash became-

-Forearms?

"What the?" Forearms cried, looking at his newly acquired appendages. "Oh, man!"

"Great, Ben," Gwen grumbled, "Now if the Rustbucket gets a flat tire, you can be the jack."

Forearms, not wanting to hear it, picked Gwen up and began to spin her on his finger.

"Hey! Put me down!" Gwen cried, "Stop that!"

**Rustbucket Cam': **_"You think it's easy, making alien gadgets work, but it's not!" Forearms grumbled, crossing his fore arms. "And it'd be a lot easier if Gwen would get off my case."_

Grampa didn't even look back as he said, "Ben, put your cousin down, she's not a toy." Suddenly, the Rustbucket began to jerk and rock. "What the-!"

--

Outside, Dick Dastardly chuckled evilly as the giant metal spatula he extended from the Mean Machine lifted the Rustbucket up.

Dastardly looked at Muttley, who was operating the car-lifter. "Careful now, Muttley! We don't want to hurt them! After all," Dastardly's evil smile widened, "How are they going to see us take their win if they get hurt?"

Muttley snickered, and with one final jerk, flipped the Rustbucket behind them. Dastardly laughed nefariously- and stopped when he saw the Hair Bear Bunch fly right by them on Square's Wheels.

--

In his trailer, Chris looked away from a monitor toward the audience. Behind him was a wall full of video screens and computers. On each monitor showed on of the ten cars.

"Wow, I could watch this forever, man." Chris commented. He then patted the control panel. "This is the main center for Drag Race: Worldwide's Wacky-Cam, perfected by Prof. Pat Pending for the original Wacky Races back in the late 1960s. With this, we can keep a close eye on each car throughout the entire race. Pretty sweet, huh? Now, then," Chris turned back to the monitors. "Let's see here… Sweet Tooth is at the end, the Freelance Police are in 9th… Mean Machine, Rustbucket, Square's Wheels ahead of them…Somewhere after that is the Phooeymobile, Magic School Bus, Starship…Freakamobile in second…Ah here we go!" The host with the most sadism pointed at one of the monitors. "Seems like Daddy's Ferrari has broken ahead of the pack, which means they'll be the first to run into trouble." Chris grinned at the camera.

--

As Daddy's Ferrari blazed down the NJ Turnpike, Lindsay looked behind her.

"Oh my gosh," the hot girl gasped, "We are like, so far from the other cars! I can't even see them! How'd that happen?"

Duncan grinned. At the last gas station everyone stopped at, he took the liberty of siphoning each car's fuel into the Ferrari.

**Ferrari Cam': **_Duncan glared at the camera and smirked. "Sure, I was a little worried, driving the only normal car in the entire race, but who needs gimmicks when you've got street-smarts and a lack of ethics?"_

Duncan then saw something up ahead that made him frown. There were an awful lot of emergency fences put up, as well as some stop signs. Standing in front and the middle of it all was a somewhat stocky man in a construction worker's uniform. Duncan quickly slammed his foot on the brakes, causing the car to stop with an ear-splitting screech.

"What the heck _is _this!?" The delinquent demanded, while Lindsay rubbed her ears from the pain of the screeching stop.

"Construction work, son," The worker replied, "You'll have to take a detour."

The worker beckoned to a sign that said 'detour' in big red letters, which pointed to an exit off the highway, with a frustrated groan/growl, Duncan turned the car down that path.

Not too long after Daddy's Ferrari turned off, the Freakamobile came up. Freakazoid took one look at the signs to realize what was going on.

"Nut bunnies!" The superbeing muttered, and turned off.

**Freakamobile Cam': **_"Alright, every second counts in this race, so I can't stop for anything," Freakazoid declared, "MY FOCUS WILL NOT BE BROKEN BY ANYONE OR ANYTHING!_

As Freakazoid drove down the New Jersey countryside, the patrol car driven by Sgt. Mike Cosgrove drove up by him.

"Hey, Freakazoid," Cosgrove called out, "Wanna watch the platypus races?"

"Okay!"

--

Other cars came and went down the detour, but if any of them took a closer looker at the 'construction worker' they would have seen the tiny label on his construction helmet, saying, 'Property of Fresh TV'. As the last car(That being Sweet Tooth) went down the detour, the road worker gave a thumb's up to the camera.

--

"And here's where we make things interesting," Chris announced. "As much fun as it would be to watch our racers duke it out on the highway, we didn't want to get sued by the state of New Jersey for damage of their roads, so we had to move them onto the back roads. But!" Chris shot his finger into the air. "What none of them realize is that they have just entered the treacherous 'New Jersey Labyrinth,' a cunning maze of intersections, cross walks, and streets!"

_(New Jersey Labyrinth is property of Drag Race Worldwide. Any attempt at duplicating NJL outside Drag Race Worldwide will result in legal action)_

--

As the Mean Machine zigged and zagged down various turns and straight-aways, Dick Dastardly was beginning to get seasick- a feat quite remarkable, considering he wasn't at sea.

"Where in blazes is the exit to the highway?" He muttered, his eyes darting this way and that, as various roadside ornaments past him. He could have sworn he past that polka-dotted mailbox before… "Hoooold it!"

Dastardly put his foot on the brakes, stopping on the side of the road.

"We're going to figure this out _right now._" The villain said sternly. "Muttley, get out the map."

Muttley did as ordered and Dick unfolded it. The map at its full size was so wide that it blocked out the windshield.

"Let's see here…" Dastardly murmured, tracing his finger on the paper. "We got off the highway _here_, then we took a left _here_, after driving down a bit _here_…or was that here?"

While Dastardly fumed and wracked his brains trying to understand the complexity of the New Jersey Labyrinth, Muttley saw something coming. The dog nudged Dastardly, and the bad guy looked up in time for both of them to see the Starship speed by them.

The dastardly duo exchanged looks.

--

The Starship parked off road next to what seemed like a clearing full of bushes. Kirby quickly hopped out of the cockpit and ran up to them.

"Why are you stopping?" Tokkori asked, flying after the pink puffball, "What's going on?"

Kirby didn't answer. Instead, he opened his mouth and began to inhale. Tokkori saw small dark balls flying off the bushes and into his mouth.

"Blackberries?" the green bird asked exasperatedly. "You stopped us for wild blackberries!?"

Off to the side, and out of sight, the Mean Machine stopped.

"This is our chance!" Dastardly whispered to Muttley. He handed the dog a chain. "Use this and tie the Starship to that tree!" He ended this sentence with a quick point to a rather large oak tree next to the Mean Machine.

As Muttley did as ordered, Kirby had just finished inhaling every blackberry in the vicinity.

"Okay, you've had enough!" Tokkori squawked irritably. "Can we please go now!?"

Kirby nodded, and ran back to the Starship.

Dastardly and Muttley snickered as they watched Kirby jump in and start the engine. They were eager to the Starship's wheels spinning as the tree held it down.

Unfortunately, neither of them had expected the Starship's power- capable of breaking through the atmosphere and flying through space- to rip the chain out from where Muttley tied it to the tree.

The Starship went off, and the tree went down- right onto the Mean Machine.

--

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Chris tutted, "Looks like no one told Dick Dastardly that cheaters never prosper."

--

The Hair Bear Bunch drove down the many streets in the NJ Labyrinth, making no more progress than any other car.

"There's that tree again," Bubi Bear commented, "And there it is again…and again…"

"Okay, stop!" Hair Bear ordered, and Square's Wheels halted. "What is going on here? I feel like we're going in circles!"

A passing crow, flying above, wondered why three bears were going around a traffic circle.

Square Bear unfolded a map. "We're here." He traced his finger from 'here' to the highway ramp. "And we need to get here." Due to the small amount of jam on his paw(A leftover from lunch), a line was formed between 'here' and 'there.'

Hair Bear reached over Square's shoulder and followed his finger downed the 'path' Square made. "If this is the way out of here, let's do it!"

Shrugging, Square Bear started up the invisible motorcycle and steered the Bears off the road.

--

As the Bears carved a new route into the NJ Labyrinth, they passed the Garden State Platypus Races. People screamed and yelled as three bears riding a motorcycle that wasn't there roared by.

Neither Freakazoid or Cosgrove noticed.

"Aren't they cute?" Cosgrove commented as they watched several platypuses swim from one end of the racing pool to the other.

"Just the way nature intended," Freakazoid sighed.

As Cosgrove finished off his platypus burger(Made from 100 percent _real _platypus!) a thought occurred to him.

"Hey, Freakazoid," the sergeant said, "Aren't you supposed to be in some big race?"

Freakazoid thought for a moment. "Oh yeah." The superteen realized. Stretching, Freakazoid said, "Well, gotta go, nice seeing ya, bye!"

Arms raised into the air, Freakazoid ran off, making 'woosh' noises as he did.

--

Back at the blackberry bushes, Dastardly and Muttley were finally able to roll the mass of timber off of the Mean Machine. After doing so, the two dived back into the car and raced off.

**Mean Machine:** _Dastardly gritted his teeth as he clutched the steering wheel. "So we lost some time trying to get that tree off…but I'm not worried. This race is only beginning!" Dastardly began to laugh evilly, but soon trailed off uncomfortably. "Drat…"_

"We're getting out this maze once and for all!" Dastardly declared, and pushed a big red button on the dashboard.

The Mean Machine's rockets blazed to life, pushing the car off the road.

--

In the trailer, Chris nodded as he observed the racers on the monitors.

"Well, looks like everyone's just about out of the _New Jersey Labyrinth_," He said, saying those last words with extra tone to make them seem scarier. "But who will be the first ones out?"

Out on the highway, Pennsylvania just a meager few exits away, the Mean Machine burst out onto the road from the nearby wilderness.

"We did it, Muttley!" Dastardly laughed victorious, "We're out of that nightmare, and in first place, to boo-!"

Dastardly stopped talking and hit the brakes, causing the Mean Machine to stop. In front of him was a tollboth!

"Drat!" Dastardly spat.

Even worse, all of the other cars were in front of him!

"Double drat!" Dastardly spat again.

And to put a cherry on top, the toll was five dollars!

"Triple drat!" Dastardly spat a third time, digging through his wallet.

Muttley snickered.

--

Chris shook his head. "Okay, maybe that wasn't the most dramatic ending to this episode, but I still get paid, so who cares?

"As our racers leave the state of New Jersey, their positions are;

"First place, Square's Wheels…

"Second place, The Magic School Bus…

"Third place, The Phooeymobile…

"Forth place, The Rustbucket…

"Fifth place, the Starship…

"Sixth place, Sweet Tooth…

"Seventh place, the Freelance Police…

"Eighth place, Daddy's Ferrari…

"Ninth place, the Freakamobile…

"And in tenth place, is the Mean Machine.

"Can the Hair Bear Bunch keep their lead, or will they lose it in the next state?" Chris asked rhetorically. "Find out in the next episode of…

"**Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

--

Fresh TV are the people responsible for Total Drama Island. Pretty cool, huh?


	4. The Incredible Shrinking Bus

Chris, no longer in his trailer but sitting at the table of an outdoor café, looked up from the sandwich he was eating. "Last time, on Drag Race: Worldwide…

"Sweet Tooth and Sam and Max clashed on the highway, with the Freelance Police coming out on top, at the expense of the New Jersey Turnpike.

"Things took a turn for the weird as our racers were forced off the highway and onto the New Jersey Labyrinth.

"Freakazoid went to see a platypus race…

"And Dick Dastardly tried to _leaf_ Kirby behind. However, he underestimated the power of the Starship, and suffered a _tree_-mendous setback.

"However, it was the Hair Bear Bunch who, after taking shortcut to another level, were the ones to leave the maze and enter Pennsylvania before everyone else.

"Who will take the lead from the Bears? And what destruction will Sam and Max cause in their next clash with Sweet Tooth? Find out today, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 4: The Incredible Shrinking Bus

"Welcome back to Drag Race: Worldwide," Chris said, now back in his trailer at the counsel of the Wacky-radar. "Last we checked, our racers were just entering the Pennsylvania from New Jersey. Let's see where they are now…"

Chris turned and began to push buttons. After he was done, he drummed his fingers as he waited for the data to load.

"Come on… Man, why do these old computers take so long to boot up?" Chris asked irritably.

**WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU THIS MUSICAL INTERLUDE**

Chef Hatchet, Chris' sidekick from Total Drama Island, stood at a piano. Bowing to the audience, he sat down and began to play Chopsticks. After finishing, he stood up and bowed.

**NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDUALED PROGRAM, NOW IN PROGRESS**

"Okay, I got them," Chris said, pointing. "Hmm. Well, look at that, our racers have already left Pennsylvania and are now in Ohio, must have happened while this thing was booting." Chris' eyes narrowed as he studied the radar. "But it looks like they've been separated…let's watch!"

--

Out on the open roads of Ohio, the Mean Machine rocketed over the pavement. A little bit behind it was the Phooeymobile, keeping up the pace.

Snickering, Dick Dastardly pushed a big red button on the dashboard labeled 'Oil Slick'.

Oil began to pour out from the exhaust pipe of the Mean machine, until it completely covered that entire spot on the road.

"While that kung-fu fool slips up on that slick," Dastardly told Muttley, "We'll slip away like the slick devils we are!"

However, Hong Kong Phooey wasn't to put off by the oil. Reaching into the Phooeymobile's secret compartment, Hong Kong pulled out his handy gong. He gave the gong a bong, and the Phooeymobile morphed into the Phooey-street-sweeper. With the added traction of the motorized brushes, the Phooey-sweeper not only easily passed over the oil slick, but cleared it away for other cars!

Dastardly saw this and beat the steering wheel in frustration. "Drat!"

--

Elsewhere, the Magic School Bus trundled down the street of an Ohio town.

Inside, Dorothy Ann was standing next to Ms. Frizzle with a map in her hand.

"Ms. Frizzle," D.A. said, "According to my research," She pointed to a line on the map, "This is the fastest course to take."

Ms. Frizzle took a quick look from the road to the map D.A. was holding and nodded. "That is direct, but I think the highway will be a jammed at this time of day," The 'Friz' pointed out.

"Oh," Dorothy Ann realized, "I hadn't thought about the traffic."

"Keep trying," Ms. Frizzle encouraged, "Remember, you can never get anywhere if you don't try!"

**Bus Cam: **_"Ms. Frizzle is _such _a good teacher," Dorothy Ann said, "She's so open-minded, and she never puts any ideas down. We all love her."_

"Alright, class!" Ms. Frizzle called out, "Keep an eye out!"

"Keep an eye out?" Asked Phoebe, "For what?"

"For the exit?" Asked Keesha.

"For a diner?" Ralphie asked, rubbing his stomach.

Arnold, looking out the window, gave a start when he saw an ice cream truck. "For Sweet Tooth?"

"For a gas station!" Ms. Frizzle answered, "We forgot to refuel at that last town."

Liz, sitting on the dashboard, looked at the fuel gage. The arrow was pointing at the one-forth mark.

--

Soon after, the Magic School Bus pulled into a B/P station.

As the class poured out of the Bus, Ms. Frizzle said, "Five minutes, class! If anyone has to use the bathroom, now's the time!"

After the Bus had refueled and the class had done what needed to be done, everyone had got back into their seats. As Ms. Frizzle did a role call, no one noticed doom in the form of an ice cream truck entering the station…

"All right, that's everyone," Ms. Frizzle said, turning back to the wheel. "Let's go- Whoops!"

Ms. Frizzle slipped, and her elbow hit a button on the Bus' dashboard. The Magic School Bus began to shake and glow, spinning in place uncontrollably. When the Bus ceased its rotation, the vehicle- And it's passengers!- had shrunk down to the size of a toy!

"Oh dear," Ms. Frizzle said.

"What are we going to do now?" Carlos asked, "We can't win the race if we're this size!"

"I think we've got bigger problems on our hands- Much bigger!" Tim replied, pointing out the window.

The class looked to where Tim was pointing and let out a collective cry of terror. Headed their way was the biggest Needles Kane anyone had ever seen!

However, Needles didn't seem to notice the shrunken bus, as his view was blocked by the armful of foodstuffs in his arms, purchased at the nearby Snucky's. For some reason, they had eerie red spots on them…

"Stupid clerk… 'Your credit's no good.' I showed him…" the clown muttered.

Needles' next step put his foot right on top of the miniaturized Bus. Like on a roller skate left behind by a child, Needles' foot slipped and he went down. The Bus, propelled by the force of Needles' sole, flew into the air and landed inside Sweet Tooth.

"Ow!" Needles grunted, rubbing his sore posterior. "What happened… Ah, who cares?"

Feeling the urge to commit murder more than usual, Needles got into Sweet Tooth and drove off, unaware off the party that stowed away.

"What do we do now?" Arnold asked in a very small voice.

--

"Let's see how the other racers are doing?" Chris asked the audience, motioned for the camera to focus on another monitor.

--

On another road, Daddy's Ferrari zoomed down the pavement. Duncan took a moment to admire his face in the rear-view mirror. He then noticed Lindsay waving to something behind him.

"What are you doing?" Duncan asked tiredly. He was beginning to regret teaming up with the blond.

"I'm waving to the bunny," Lindsay giggled.

Duncan rolled his eyes.

**Ferrari Cam: **_Duncan glared at the camera before looking upward. "Why did I pick her?" Duncan looked thoughtful. "Oh yeah, the car."_

Duncan looked into his rearview mirror and did a double-take. The Desoto Adventurer was bearing down on them! Even worse, the 'bunny' had luger aim right at them!

"Crap!" Duncan cried, and to Lindsay, "Get the tacks out, now!"

Lindsay looked at him confused. "Tax? But daddy pays them."

"The box of tack in the glove compartment!" Duncan yelled impatiently.

Lindsay cringed, but did as told. Holding a box of Acme Tacks(For all your popping needs!), she looked to Duncan for more instructions.

"Pour them on the road!" Duncan ordered.

Shrugging, Lindsay turned the open box upside-down and watched as a multitude of tacks showered down from the container. The tacks landed and scattered on the road, and when the Adventurer ran over them-

POPPOPPOPPOPPOPP!

-Its tires went.

"Yes!" Duncan pumped his fist. "Awesome!"

A bang sounded off, and Duncan just barely felt a bullet fly through his hair.

--

"Gnarly," Chris commented on the scene. "Let's see how the Friz and her class are doing!"

--

On Sweet Tooth, the miniature class of Ms. Frizzle waited dutifully and silently inside their shrunken Bus, while their tiny teacher tinkered with the engine. When Ms. Frizzle came back in, wiping grease from her forehead, Dorothy Ann asked, "Well?"

"Well," the Friz said, taking her place behind the wheel. "until the growth mechanism recharges, we won't be able to return to our normal size. We'll just keep getting smaller if we try. So we'll just have to wait."

"Here?" Arnold gulped, "In this ice cream truck…with Sweet Tooth?"

"Hey, yeah!" Wanda said suddenly. Everyone shushed her. "Sorry." She continued in a much softer voice. "We're in an ice cream truck. Is there any chance we could grab a frosty treat while we're here?"

Keesha looked at her, amazed. "You want to look around? With that psycho nearby?"

"What if sees us?" Ralphie asked.

Ms. Frizzle nodded. "Their right, Wanda. It'd be safer to just stay put for now. And besides," Ms. Frizzle smiled, winking at Liz. "I just checked the ice cream. He's out of _everything_."

**Bus Cam: **_"What I like about Ms. Frizzle is she never panics," Wanda said, "She's always cool as a cucumber!"_

However, just as everyone began to relax(Even Arnold) Needles suddenly hit the brakes. The force of the stop was such that the Magic School Bus flew from its hiding place behind a chainsaw and into. As it soared, Ms. Frizzle accidentally hit the shrink button again, causing the Bus from going toy-size to seed-size. On the dashboard of Sweet Tooth was an opened bag of chips, which Needles would occasionally dig his hand into to eat. The Bus landed inside the bag, landing right on the next fistful of chips Needles dug out.

"What's happening?!" Tim cried, hanging on to the back of the seat in front of him.

"Give you one guess!" Carlos yelled, pointing.

The entire class screamed as the maw that was Needles' open lay in front of them. And, soon enough…

CHOMP!

Chewing his chips, Needles could have _sworn_ he heard the sounds of children screaming… Shrugging it off as his overactive imagination, Needles swallowed.

--

"Please keep your seatbelts fastened, class!" Ms. Frizzle yelled as the Magic School Bus went down Needles' throat.

"At my old school, we stayed away from psychotic killers!" Phoebe groaned as she tried to keep on her seat. The Esophagus was really rocking the Bus.

Eventually, the Bus landed inside the stomach. As the class watched all of the food get dissolved in the stomach acid, a thought occurred to Carlos.

"Hey, Ms. Frizzle," Carlos said, "If we're inside Needles, would it be possible to go into his brain?"

Ms. Frizzle exchanged looks with Liz before answering. "Why, yes, it would. Why?"

"Well, I was wondering if we could change something and make him less crazy," Carlos explained, "Or we could find out why his head burns like that."

Ms. Frizzle thought for a moment. "Oh, why not? It'll give us something to do while the grower recharges, and we can learn something as well. Let's go!"

With a push of a button, the Magic School Bus morphed into something a bit more suitable for exploring the human body. A bit like a submarine…

--

Outside, Sweet Tooth suddenly clutched his stomach.

"Ugh!" He groaned. "I've been these weird pains for an hour." He glanced at the paper bag on the dashboard. "You think there was something in those chips, Harold?"

Harold, the paper bag, said nothing. That didn't stop Needles.

"Yeah, it's just my imagination again. Heh heh heh." Needles chuckled.

--

"Class, welcome to the human brain," Announced Ms. Frizzle, as the Magic School Bus entered the brain chamber. The class stared in amazement at the lobes before them.

"Wow, it looks…normal." Keesha commented.

"What, you were expecting it to be on fire like the rest of his head?" Wanda asked, jokingly.

Tim focused his eyes on something. "Ms. Frizzle," He called out, "What was that spark just now?"

EDUCATIONAL MATERIAL

"That was electricity, Tim," Ms. Frizzle explained. "The human brain uses small amounts of electrical to send and receive signals to and from the nerves all over the body."

"Like a computer?" Phoebe asked.

"That's right, Phoebe," The Friz confirmed, "You might think of the brain and nerves like a computer network designed by nature."

Just then, a figurative light bulb lit up over Dorothy Ann's head. "Electricity…that's it! Ms. Frizzle," She said, getting her teacher's attention. "What if we could use some of that juice to recharge the Bus' growth control?"

Ms. Frizzle thought about it for a moment before a smile appeared on her face. "That just might work. Liz, get out the jumper cables!"

--

"ARGH!" Needles screamed, clutching his head with on hand while keeping the other on the wheel. "This headache is murder! It feels like tiny people are jabbing pins into my brain!"

--

"Everything's all set!" Ms. Frizzle declared, getting back into her seat. "Wait for it class!"

The entire Bus became silent as they watched the battery gauge. Ms. Frizzle had attached cables from the engine to the brain, allowing the bus to absorb some of the brain's electricity. In a matter of seconds, the needle went from pointing toward the near bottom as it did before, to pointing up to the top!

The class celebrated, and Ms. Frizzle pushed a button, disconnecting the cables.

"Let's go!" Ms. Frizzle laughed, and the Magic School Bus drove off. As the Bus drove down the 'inner roads' of Needles' head, a thought occurred to Arnold.

"Hey, how are we going to get out of here?" Arnold asked.

"Hey, that's right!" Carlos said, slapping himself. "We can't go out his mouth, can we?"

Wanda glanced outside. "And we're sure not going out his…"

"We're not going to any of those places, class," Ms. Frizzle assured them. "I found an exit that's right next door to the brain."

--

Needles sighed with relief. "Ahh, headache's gone." He then frowned. "Aw, now something's in my nose!"

--

"Where are we now, Ms. Frizzle?" Dorothy Ann asked. All around the base was some giant stalk-like things sticking out of the floor, walls and ceiling.

"Class, we are now inside the sinus," Ms. Frizzle explained. "Located in-"

"The nose?" Ralphie finished, shocked. "We're inside his nose?!"

"Fastest and cleanest way out," the Friz assured. "All we have to do is wait."

--

Outside on the road, Sweet Tooth went roaring past a sign saying, 'Welcome to Indiana.'

"Yes! The next state!" Needles crowed, sticking his head out the window. "I've got this in the ba- Ah, ah, ahhhh…CHOO!"

Needles sneezed, and out from his nose flew the Magic School Bus. Just before the Bus hit the pavement, it morphed and sprang back to its normal size.

Needles stared as the Magic School Bus drove off, and then focused his sight onto his nose.

--

"That is such a sick way to hitch a ride," Chris laughed. "So there you have it. Our racers have now entered Indiana. The current positions now are…

"In first place, the Magic School Bus…

"In second place, Sweet Tooth…

"In third place, Square's Wheels…

"In forth place, Daddy's Ferrari…

"In fifth place, the Rustbucket…

"In sixth place, the Desoto Adventurer…

"In seventh place, the Phooeymobile…

"In eight place, the Mean Machine…

"In ninth place, the Freakamobile…

"And in tenth place, the Starship.

"Who will be first to leave the state of Indiana? Find out next time, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	5. Indianapolis Duel

Chris, sitting in his trailer, said, "Last time, on Drag Race: Worldwide;

"The Magic School Bus got into a _little _trouble, when a small slip on Ms. Frizzle's part shrank the class. The situation got a little scarier, and a little grosser, when they wound up inside Sweet Tooth, and eventually, inside Needles Kane. Fortunately, they were able to escape, and take the lead by a nose.

"Meanwhile, the other cars continued their high speed dueling.

"There were _incom_ing tacks from Daddy's Ferrari…

"And oil's well _wasn't_ well for the Mean Machine.

"Who will be the next to sabotage their fellow racers?" Chris asked, "Stay tuned for the most dramatic automated clash yet, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 5: Indianapolis Duel

"Welcome back, to Drag Race: Worldwide," Chris greeted the unseen viewing world. "All right, time to check up on our ten cars and their crews." Turning his back to the audience, Chris began to operate the Wacky-Radar behind him. "Last we checked, our racers had managed to get themselves to Indiana." As the Wacky-Radar's data loaded, Chris continued, "Indiana is renown for its famous race, the Indianapolis 500, taken place each year at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway in Speedway, Indiana." A 'beep' behind him alerted him to the Radar's findings. "Okay, got 'em. Hmm… While the other cars are speeding through the state at hyper-speed, the Rustbucket has mysteriously stopped, for some reason."

--

"Well, Ben?" Grampa Max asked.

The Rustbucket had parked itself at a local Burger King on the road. Ben, in his Grey Matter form, had dived into the inner workings of the hi-tech RV to erect repairs to the turbo-drive mechanism, damaged since New York.

Grey Matter poked hit out from the opening on the Rustbucket's wall. "I've got good news. You know the velocity accelerator? That blue-white thing that looked like tennis ball wrapped in worms?"

"What about it?" Grampa Max asked.

"I don't think it's been damaged." Grey Matter answered.

"That's great!" Gwen cried happily.

Grampa Max wasn't so sure. "There's bad news, isn't there?" He asked.

Grey Matter nodded. "I'm not sure if it's been damaged because it's not there." He explained, climbing out.

"What!?" Gwen and Grampa Max gasped.

--

In his trailer, Chris fingered a strange, blue-white object that looked like a tennis ball wrapped in worms.

"You know, I wondered what this thing was," the sadistic host commented.

--

Back on the Rustbucket, Grey Matter transformed back in Ben.

"So, now what do we do?" Ben asked his grandfather and cousin.

Grampa Max got back into the drivers seat and turned the key. "We just have to do this the old fashioned way, of course." The elder Tennyson replied.

Just then, the Freakamobile zipped past their sight.

Ben, seeing this, yelled, "Floor it, Grampa!"

Rustbucket was soon back on the road, on the Freakamobile's tail.

--

Chris shook his head. "Too bad for the Rustbucket," He sighed, then brightened, "But you know! Gadgets like this," He held the velocity accelerator for all to see. "Just take the fun out of good race; you know what I'm saying?"

A beeping from the Wacky-Radar too Chris' attention, and he tossed said gadget aside.

"Well!" Chris said, studying the radar. "Looks like Daddy's Ferrari is in Speedway, now. Must be making good time…seems like they've slowed down for a rest."

--

"Stupid traffic jams." Duncan muttered.

Daddy's Ferrari was currently stuck in some Speedway street traffic, having been forced off the highway by an accident. Apparently an ice cream truck had run a truckload of guacamole off the road…

"Ooh!" Lindsay's voice broke into his thoughts. "Look, Danny, look!"

"It's Duncan," the punk grumbled tiredly.

**Ferrari Cam: **_"Okay," Duncan said, "The whole, 'being too dumb to remember a name' thing was funny before, but now it's just annoying."_

Duncan turned to see Lindsay pointing at an electronics store. On the display were several television sets. What Lindsay was pointing at, however, was the set that was turned on. Playing on the screen was an episode of Total Drama Island!

"Isn't that so cool!?" Lindsay squealed with excitement. She then noticed. "Wow… the camera really _does _add ten pounds…I look so fat! Ew!"

Duncan, personally, didn't really see a difference. He noticed that the traffic light had turned green, and the street was beginning to clear up. As the Ferrari drove down the street, neither delinquent nor hotty noticed the ominous-looking ice cream truck lurking in the shadows of a nearby alleyway…

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_Needles Kane clapped his hands together, a look of maniacal glee on his face. "Ohhh, yes! Thank you, thank you!" Calming down somewhat, he looked directly at the camera. "If a car gets destroyed, that team is out, right?"_

"Time to remove some competition…" Needles chuckled, steering Sweet Tooth out of the alley. A few minutes later the ice cream truck was directly behind Daddy's Ferrari. As the clown-head missile-launcher armed itself and aimed, neither Duncan nor Lindsay sensed any immediate danger.

Then a nearby mailbox went up in flames.

_Ba-VWOOM!_

"What the-!?" Duncan yelled, jumping in his seat.

"Ohmigosh!" Lindsay cried, looking behind them. "Look!"

Duncan turned- and then slammed his foot on the accelerator. "Ohhh, crap!"

Daddy's Ferrari roared down the suddenly-cleared streets of Speedway, with Sweet Tooth following close behind. Needles' insane laughter echoed into the air.

--

"You know, as much fun it would be to watch two old friends get blasted off the road by an ice cream truck," Chris said, "It would be rude to ignore the other racers, wouldn't it?"

He began to type in commands to the Wacky-Radar. He nodded at the new data the Radar displayed. "Well, it looks like the Tricky Dicky is up to something. Shocker." He said, emphasizing that last word with sarcasm.

--

"Hurry, Muttley!" Dastardly yelled to his canine co-driver, "Those bears are almost here!"

Muttley muttered something under his breath. Dick Dastardly had ordered him to dig a large tiger pit into the road, a task made more difficult by the fact that he didn't have a jackhammer to smash through the pavement.

Dastardly looked at the camera. "Oh, hello there, allow me to explain," He said, "The Hair Bear Bunch will soon drive down this road, on their way to the next state. However!" He pointed to the pit Muttley was digging. "This pit will stop them in their tracks! And when the animal control shows up to capture them, they'll be out of the race, for good!" Dastardly allowed himself an evil laugh before looking back at the road work. "So hurry it up, Muttley!"

**Mean Machine Cam: **_Muttley crossed his and grumbled._

--

"Hahaha! A pit trap!" Chris laughed, "That is awesome! I knew having that guy in this would be great!"

--

"All right, Muttley, is the covering on?" Dastardly asked.

Muttley, standing next to what looked like another part of the road, nodded and gave Dastardly a thumbs-up.

"Good- now get over here! If they see you they'll get suspicious!" Dastardly ordered, ducking behind a large rock were the Mean Machine was hidden. Muttley snickered and joined him. The sound of a motorcycle engine filled the air, and soon the Hair Bear Bunch, on Square's Wheels were within sight. The Bears came up the road towards Dick's dastardly trap(Little pun there…HA!)-

"Oh boy, here it comes…" Dastardly snickered.

-And drove over it like it was another part of the road!

"What!?" Dastardly cried in confusion as the Bears drove off. Furious, Dastardly ran to and jumped onto the pit covering.

"Muttley, you bungler!" Dastardly yelled angrily. "You covered the pit to hard! Drat! Drat!"

In fury, Dastardly began to jump up and down. It was at that moment that the black tarp Muttley used to cover the pit chose to fall- taking Dastardly with him.

"Draaaat!" Dastardly yelled as he fell into the pit.

**Mean Machine Cam: **_Muttley glanced off to the side, and then snickered. Dastardly's fist then came into view and gave the dog a good hit._

--

"Poor Dick Dastardly," Chris lamented, not really feeling sorry for the villain. "Looks like he forgot the first rule of trapping cartoon animals- Don't check the trap after it doesn't work. Let's see if Duncan and Lindsay are still alive, shall we?"

--

Back in Speedway, Daddy's Ferrari rocketed across the pavement, Sweet Tooth following a ways behind. All around them were explosions caused by the missiles Sweet Tooth fired, destroying anything and everything when Duncan swerved the car to avoid being blasted.

Bull's China Shop? BAM! Gone the way of the Shangdi Dynasty.

House of Glassware, where you can get anything pristine and fragile? BOOM! Now it was a Lot of Glass Shards.

Movie Prop Shop, where you can such Hollywood staples like chairs used in western movie saloon fights? BANG! Cut, print, that's a wrap!

Hanabi's Fireworks Superstore? …Oddly enough, nothing happened when the missile hit the building.

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_"Huh," Needles muttered, "That one musta been a dud."_

"Duncan, he's still behind us!" Lindsay wailed, hugging herself in terror. She did not sign up for this!

"Tell me something I don't know!" Duncan yelled, looking for an escape route.

Lindsay's terror left her for a second as she thought over Duncan's words.

"Um, George W. Bush is the President of the United States," She said at last, trying to come up with the most miniscule bit of trivia her underdeveloped brain could muster.

Duncan looked at her, surprised. "No kidding!" He said, shocked.

(A/N: Yeah, I heard that most people don't know who the president is…thought I'd play that card for laughs.)

A nearby explosion brought the Canadian teens back to reality. Lindsay resumed her previous defensive posture, curled up into a little ball and screaming. Duncan, meanwhile, kept scanning the street for a turn that would take him and Lindsay away from Sweet Tooth and its homicidal driver. He then saw a street that was blocked off by a police barricade.

"That'll do!" Duncan commented under his breath, and made the turn. With a triumphant 'bang', Daddy's Ferrari plowed through the barricade, unheeding of Lindsay's cries of protest.

Unfortunately, Sweet Tooth was right behind them. Even more unfortunate, they were now on a narrower street, with no room to maneuver. Which meant Needles wouldn't need to bother to aim this salvo…

This realization came to the drivers of Daddy's Ferrari as they went further down.

"Maybe I made a mistake…" Duncan commented uneasily.

"We're going to die now," Lindsay sobbed, "We're going to freaking die!"

In Sweet Tooth, Needles pressed his finger down onto the launcher trigger. And pressed it again. And again.

"Are you _kidding me!?_" Needles roared, mindlessly pushing the trigger button. "I can't be out of missiles already!"

Daddy's Ferrari, not understanding or really caring why Sweet Tooth hadn't blown them off the road, sped on. And on they went, toward the pair of double doors ahead of them. When they reached the doors and burst through them…

Vroom!

VROOM!

Vrrrooom!

They were on a race track! All around them, various cars of various colors and various sponsorships raced around the track. The Canadians didn't have much time to gawk, however, as Sweet Tooth burst out onto the track soon afterward!

--

"Welcome back to the Indianapolis 500! Currently in first it's…"

"Wait a minute, some extra cars seem to have gotten onto the track somehow. It looks like a couple of teenagers in a Ferrari and a…ice cream truck?"

--

Motivated by fear and a sense of self-preservation, Daddy's Ferrari rocketed around the track, followed closely by Sweet Tooth. The killer driving the ice cream truck, having exhausted his supply of missiles, had decided to simply end things by ramming the Ferrari off the road, and hopefully into a car-crash.

As the two cars raced around the race course, the other Indy 500 cars unlucky enough to allow themselves to get too close to the struggle found themselves knocked away, ending up in a flaming heap. This went on until Daddy's Ferrari and Sweet Tooth were the only working cars on the track. Before any of them had realized it, the two cars were nearing the finish line.

--

"They're coming to the finish… And it's done! In first place, it's those kids in the Ferrari, and in second is the ice cream truck!"

"That was incredible! …Completely illegal, but incredible none the less."

--

As photographers took pictures, their cameras flashing as they did so, Duncan, Lindsay, and Needles stood shell-shocked in the winner's circle. All around them, reporters fired off questions and queries in rapid succession.

"How does is feel to be the youngest winners of the Indy 500?" One reported yelled.

"Uh…" Lindsay wasn't sure what to say. What happened still hadn't registered with her brain.

"Is your head really on fire? And if it is, doesn't it hurt?" Another called out to Needles.

"Well…" Needles rubbed the top of his head to see whether or not the fire was there.

"Doesn't it bother you that as unofficial racers, you shouldn't be allowed the win?" One of the smarter reporters questioned.

"Get bent!" Duncan yelled back.

"Aren't you three part of another race?" A more attentive reporter asked.

Duncan slapped his race. "Crap! The race!"

Catching themselves, Duncan, Lindsay, and Needles rushed into their respective cars and drove off- smashing through another pair of double doors in doing so.

--

Chris shook his head, laughing up a storm.

"Man, these guys are total maniacs!" Chris chuckled. "They're so good at sabotaging each other that I really don't need to do anything," Chris' good humored smile turned into a smirk. "But we wouldn't want our racers to feel neglected, now do we? As we leave Indiana, our racers' current positions are...

"In first place, it's Square's Wheels…

"In second place, it's the Freakamobile…

"In third place, it's the Magic School Bus…

"In fourth place, it's the Rustbucket…

"In fifth place, it's the Freelance Police…

"In sixth place, it's the Starship…

"In seventh place, it's the Phooeymobile…

"In eighth place, it's Daddy's Ferrari…

"In ninth place, it's Sweet Tooth…

"And in tenth place, it's the Mean Machine.

"What rating-boosting surprises do have prepared for our racers in Illinois? And will Needles be able to reload his missile launcher? Find out next time, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	6. The Flying Monkeys

Chris sat not in his trailer, but in an outdoor recliner in a grassy field. Next time him was an open cooler with various snacks sticking out.

"Last time, on Drag Race: Worldwide…

"Dick Dastardly got hung up in a trap that proved to be 'the pits'.

"The Tennysons found out that _someone_- heh heh heh- stole a crucial part from their Rustbucket.

"And Duncan and Lindsay took everyone by surprise when they won the Indianapolis 500- with a little motivation from Sweet Tooth.

"What fresh horrors will the open road show our racers today? Find out right now!

"On **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 6: The Flying Monkey Motorcycle Club

"Man! This is so boring!" Ben grumbled, sitting back in his seat.

The Rustbucket had been going down the highways of Illinois without any problems, and the peace had begun to get on Ben's nerves.

No longer content with merely sitting still, Ben got up and started to pace around the RV. Gwen, sitting nearby and reading a book, looked at him and glared.

"Ben, sit down and chill. Not every day has to have a crisis, you know." She said pointedly.

"Ours do!" Ben protested.

"Ben, calm down." Grampa Max said from the driver's seat. "If I know Chris the way I think I know him, you won't have to wait for something to happen."

"You really think so?" Ben asked.

"He stole our cars at the beginning of the race, didn't he?" Grampa Max replied. "Trust me, I'll bet he's got more where that came from."

--

"Grampa's right," Chris said, now back in his trailer. "And now's the perfect time to introduce our racers to the most hardcore group of bikers in the state of Illinois, the Flying Monkeys!"

Chris got out his cell phone and hit the auto dial.

"I met their leader in Ontario while setting up Total Drama Island," Chris explained, as the phone rang. "C'mon…pick up, man! I've got better things to do than- Hey, Harv!" Chris brightened up when he heard someone pick up. "Remember when I promised a spot on another reality show?"

--

Elsewhere in Illinois, the Freakamobile rolled down the road. In the cockpit, Freakazoid held a slushy in his left hand while he held the wheel with his right.

**Freaka-Cam: **_Freakazoid took a slurp from his slushy. "You know, for something run by Chris_ _MacClean, this is pretty tame."_

Meanwhile, the Starship drove up alongside the Freakamobile. The cockpit opened up, and Kirby sat up to look at Freakazoid. The superteen, glanced at the star warrior and rolled down his window.

"Hey, Kirby," Freakazoid greeted, "What's up?"

Kirby said nothing. Instead, he opened his black hole of a mouth…

…and _inhaled_.

Freakazoid watched in horror as the suction of Kirby's maw pulled the slushy out of his hand and into Kirby's mouth. After doing so, Kirby sped away. After a few seconds of stunned slience, Freakazoid's anguished cry rang throughout the air.

"_CURSE YOU, LITTLE PINK BALL!"_

--

At a rest stop, Wanda looked up.

"Did you hear something?" She asked Keesha.

--

Elsewhere, the Hair Bear Bunch drove past a pair of policemen, who were having a little lunch in their patrol car, cleverly hidden behind a billboard.

As the officers watched three bears riding away on nothing, one officer looked at the other. "Should we, um, report this? Those three bears?"

The second officer, an older, more experienced lawman, shook his head. "Not if you want end up working as a meter maid. Besides," he added as an after-thought, "They were going the speed limit."

--

In his trailer, Chris sat at the Wacky-Radar.

"Looks like Sam and Max are on their way to a close encounter with," Chris paused for a moment to increase dramatic tension. "The Flying Monkey gang!"

--

The Desoto Adventurer charged down the highway, unaware of the danger they were in.

Sam glanced out his window at the wilderness surrounding them and said, "You know, Max, what I like best about the open road is the natural beauty that surrounds and permeates us."

"Yes," Max agreed, "It's enough to distract us from the fact that our vehicle is emitting semi-toxic fumes that are slowly destroying the environment."

Sam laughed. Then a noise caught his ear. "Do you here something? Like a rumbling noise?"

"Don't look at me," Max replied, "I didn't have those nachos at the last stop."

Before Sam could comment on that, several stereotypical bikers- leather jackets, unkempt beards, metal piercing jobs, the works- rode up along and behind the Adventurer. On the backs of their jackets was an emblem that looked like a monkey silhouette with wings.

**Freelance Cam: **_Sam raised a finger and said, "Remember, kids, always be aware of other drivers on the road."_

"_That way, you can run off the pavement with greater precision!" Max chimed in._

"Can we help you gentlemen?" Sam asked loudly.

One of the bikers responded means of bringing a crowbar down on the Adventurer's windshield, cracking it.

Sam glanced at Max. "You know what? I don't think these fellows want to talk."

"Pull the car over, Sam," Max said, "I'll take care of them."

Sam did so. The bikers stared as Max got out onto the roof of the car.

Max smiled. And then he jumped into the biker gang.

As Sam replaced the cracked windshield with a spare he had in the trunk, he looked over and commented on the violence.

"Ouch…Ooh…Yip! Nice one…" Sam commented. After checking to see if the new windshield was secure, he called over to Max, "Let's go, Max."

"But I'm not done!" Max's voice said, drifting out of the fight-cloud that was obscuring the fight between him and the bikers.

"But I am. Let's go, we're in a race, remember?" Sam reminded.

"Aw, you never let me have any fun." Max complained. He jumped from the fight-cloud and into the Adventurer through an open window. As the car sped off, the bikers(Who were in a dizzy heap) stared.

"What are you waiting for, boys!?" One of the bikers yelled, "Let's get 'em! Move, move, move!"

**Freelance Cam: **_"I felt bad about taking Max away from those bikers," Sam said, "But I figured there'd be plenty_ _of time for nonsensical combat when we get to the communist countries."_

--

Chris took a sip from a cup of coffee and said, "Good ol' Freelance Police, being sure to give us our daily recommended dosage of carnage. Let's now go to Hong Kong Phooey, and get our daily recommended dosage of kung-fu."

--

In a deserted parking lot near an abandoned mall, Hong Kong Phooey looked around. All around him were various bikers, each of whom were wearing a jacket that had the words, 'Flying Monkeys' on the back.

Unphased, Hong Kong confided in Spot, "Don't worry, Spot, I'm sure they're not as bad as they make themselves out to be." To the bikers he said, "What's up?"

"Here's what's up," One of the bikers answered, swinging a chain over his head. "We wreck your ride, and we'll get on very own spot on TV!"

The other bikers yelled in agreement, each of them dreaming of an 'Flying Monkey Hour' on cable.

"Or maybe they're worse then they appear," Hong Kong admitted to Spot.

Spot grumbled.

"I am giving you motorcyclists one chance to let me pass," Hong Kong called out, "I, too, am on a television show, and there may be children watching, who might be traumatized by any violence that might occur."

The bikers laughed.

**Hong Kong Cam: **_Hong Kong Phooey arched his eyebrows and gave the camera a knowing smile. "My plan is to give any opposition a quick demonstration of my kung-fu skills, so as to dissuade them from blocking my way to victory."_

Hong Kong Phooey, unaffected by the mocking laughter of the Flying Monkeys, got out of the Phooeymobile. After reviewing his Hong Kong Book of Kung-Fu, Phooey began to leap and hop all over the place, yelling battle cries and chopping the air.

As the bikers watched Hong Kong flip and jump around the parking lot, Spot pulled out a baseball from the Phooeymobile's compartment. Taking aim, Spot threw a fastball at the biker's motorcycles, which were conviently lined up in a row.

Bonk!

Like dominoes made of steel and run on gas, the motorcycles fell one by one until they were all down. It was at this time Hong Kong finished his display by landing next to the bike pile.

"Our bikes!" Screamed one of the bikers.

Hong Kong glanced at them ruined motorcycles. "Well, I did warn you, didn't I?"

"Get him!" And the bikers began to move in on the 'kung-fu master.' Hong Kong braced himself for battle- and was pulled off his feet when Spot drove by in the Phooeymobile and grabbed him.

"Good idea, Spot," Hong Kong said, getting back into the driver's seat. "I can't waste my time on these guys, we've got a race to win!"

As the Phooeymobile drove off, the Flying Monkeys got their bikes up and charged after them.

--

In his trailer, Chris looked up from a book he was reading. "Fun Fact; Did you know that the Flying Monkeys are the biggest biker gang in the US? So big, in fact, that they have their own _divisions?_"

--

On another roadway, the Freakamobile rode up alongside the Starship. In the Starship's cockpit, Kirby had a bag of chips that he was happily eating. Outside, Freakazoid rolled down his window and reached out for Kirby.

"Must…avenge…slushy!" Freakazoid grunted.

Unfortunately, Freakazoid wasn't paying to much attention to how the wheel was turning, and this resulted in both the Freakamobile and Starship being pushed off the road.

Crash!

When the dust had settled, Freakazoid and Kirby were sitting outside their flipped-voer cars, as Tokkori flew around and pecked at Freakazoid's head.

"What do you think you're doing!? Huh!?" the little bird screeched.

Kirby, still munching on his chips, looked up. Feeling a little bad for Freakazoid, Kirby reached into his bag and pulled out some chips. He then held them up to Freakazoid. Freakazoid took the chips and ate them.

"Sorry about your car," Freakazoid said after swallowing. "Here, let me help."

As Kirby and Freakazoid began to flip their cars back right-side up, the sound of engines filled the air. Turning around, they found themselves cornered by the local division of the Flying Monkeys.

"Hey, suckers," the lead biker sneered. "Got the time?"

"Why, yes I do!" Freakazoid replied cheerfully. He whipped out a pocket watch and began to study it. "Hmm, it says two, but I haven't reset this thing since we left New York…does anyone know what time zone we're in?"

The bikers looked at each other.

"I think we're in central…" One said.

"Naw, we're still in eastern." Another cut in.

As the bikers began to argue over the timezones, Kirby and Freakazoid took that as an opportunity to leave.

"Okay, if it's 10:00 in Japan, that means…" the lead biker trailed off when he saw the Freakamobile and Starship roll away. "Argh! They're getting away! After them!"

--

"Let's check up on our racers with the world-renowned Wacky-Radar, shall we?" Chris asked rhetorically, flashing his pearly whites for the camera. He turned to the screen and frowned before smiling more sadistically. "Well! Looks like those lucky enough to meet the Flying Monkeys are converging on the same road…!"

--

As it turned out, there were multiple entrances from the side-roads…all of them at the same point. While this may seem like a problem for cars, it was only that way if multiple cars entered the road at the same time. As it was, each Drag Race: Worldwide race car entered at a slightly different time, and was spared the danger of a collision. Unfortunately, the three different divisions of _didn't_, and so they _weren't_.

CRASHCRASHCRASHCRASH!

None of the racers seemed to notice that their pursuers were no longer chasing them, having ended up in a million dollar pileup.

--

"Oh, man!" Chris laughed, "Wipe out! So much for the Flying Monkeys! As we leave Illinois, our positions now are…

"In first place, Square's Wheels…

"In second place, Daddy's Ferrari…

"In third place, the Magic School Bus…

"In fourth place, the Rustbucket…

"In fifth place, the Mean Machine…

"In sixth place, the Desoto Adventurer…

"In seventh place, the Starship…

"In eighth place, the Freakamobile…

"In ninth place, the Phooeymobile…

"And in tenth place, Sweet Tooth. What surprises will our racers find in the next state? Find out next time, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

--

(A/N: There's a reference to 'The Wiz' in this chapter…But I bet you found it already!)


	7. Rolling Along the River

"Last time, on Drag Race: Worldwide," Chris began. He wasn't in his usual trailer, but instead was on the deck of a boat of some kind. "A few of our racers had a close encounter with the local biker gang- all three divisions of it.

"Sam and Max were able to fight their way out…

"Hong Kong Phooey chose to wow the crowd with his kung fu, and did a number on their bikes- with a little help from Spot.

"And Freakazoid and Kirby got away by questioning the time zone.

"What will happen now that our racers are entering the west side of the States?" Chris asked. "Who will be the next to be accosted from the road side? And where is this ferry taking me? Find out right now, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 7: Rolling along the River

"Welcome back to Drag Race: Worldwide," Chris said, still on the boat deck, this time sitting in a beach chair. "And welcome to the state of Missouri. This is sort of like our milestone episode, as after today our racers will be officially entering the western United States. How awesome is that?"

Chris pulled out a laptop and began to type. "Ever since the race began, we've been getting tons of fan letters and video shout-outs, so while I sort through our cybernetic in-box, sit back and watch, and maybe at the end of the episode, I'll share a few. Here's one for me. 'Dear Chris, how does your hair get so fine?' From Judy Wakkins of Texas. Three words, Judy; Lather, rinse, repeat!"

--

Somewhere on some Missouri back road, Daddy's Ferrari rocketed down the pavement. Duncan had level gaze on the road, while Lindsay seemed to be looking every which way.

**Ferrari Cam: **_"You know, Duncan's a pretty bad driver," Lindsay admitted. In the background, Duncan was siphoning gas from the Mean Machine into the Ferrari. "Sure, he's fast, but while we were leaving New York, he ran six stop light_s_ on the same street!"_

As the car went, the sound of wheels on pavement was soon accompanied by another: sirens in the sir.

"Now what?" Duncan grumbled.

"Maybe you should pull over," Lindsay suggested.

"Are you kidding?" Duncan said, "We're making great time! I'm not stopping!"

Lindsay looked over her seat's head rest and then looked back at Duncan. "It's a police car!"

"It's probably Sam and Max, trying to punk us," Duncan insisted.

"Attention, vehicle!" An angry voice commanded over some kind of loudspeaker, "Pull over right now!"

"But what do I know?" Duncan muttered, stopping the Ferrari at the side of the road. A police car stopped behind them shortly afterward, and a sheriff, a heavyset, handlebar mustached man strode up to the pair.

"Is something wrong?" Lindsay asked.

"Oh, nothin'," the sheriff said, his voice laced with sarcasm and a southern accent. "Just that you're driving in a wanton, reckless, _irresponsible_ manner." The sheriff thrust out his hand to Duncan, dropping the mock courtesy. "Let me see your license, boy!"

Duncan gave it to him.

"Oh, from _Canada_, huh?" The sheriff commented, "Whatcha y'all doin' down here, boy?"

"We're in a race," Duncan replied tiredly. He had more than his fair share of experience with cops.

"For television!" Lindsay cheered mindlessly, throwing her arms in the air.

"Well," The sheriff said, readjusting his belt, "I don't care if it _is _for television. You just bought yourself a speeding ticket, boy." The sheriff handed Duncan a citation. "And let me tell you this, boy, we don't take too kindly to troublemakers in these parts, so you just watch yourself next time, is that clear?"

"Crystal," Duncan answered inattentively. That's when an idea struck him. "Speaking of trouble, think you could get an APB out for a psycho in an ice cream truck?"

"What?" the sheriff asked, bewildered.

"Oh my gosh!" Lindsay gasped, "That clown nearly killed us once, and that's how we won the Indianapolis 500!"

"A killer clown?! Mercy!" the sheriff cried, rushing back into his car. Soon the police car drove off.

Duncan and Lindsay watched the sheriff leave, and after he was out of sight, looked at the citation. Duncan raised an eyebrow and whistled at the fee amount.

"Wow, that's a lot of zeroes," Lindsay commented. "Aww! Look! He left a little frowny face next to his signature!"

**Ferrari Cam: **_Duncan crossed his arms and smirked at the camera. "I don't know about_ y_ou, but I'm keeping that. It's a framer."_

--

Elsewhere, the Magic School Bus was going down a road that went along the Missouri river. As the rest of the class occupied themselves by having conversations and looking at the scenery, Dorothy Ann had her nose stuck in a book(As usual).

"According to this, the Missouri River is the longest river in North America, and the forth longest river in the world," Dorothy Ann said to Carlos, who had the 'honor' of sitting next to her. He looked bored to tears.

"Maybe we could take the river and avoid the toll booths," Tim joked. Arnold quickly slapped a hand over Tim's mouth.

"Don't give her any ideas!" Arnold hissed, looking over to where Ms. Frizzle was. He hoped 'The Friz' hadn't heard Tim's comment.

No such luck. Ms. Frizzle exchanged sly looks with Liz, and she slammed her foot down on the accelerator. With a tremendous roar, the Magic School Bus rocketed off the road at the next curve, going directly into the river.

"We're flyng!" Cried Ralphie.

"We're falling!" Phoebe gasped.

SPLASH!

"We're sinking-!" Arnold groaned, watching the water rise.

With a groan, a bounce, and a spin, the Magic School Bus morphed into a more steam paddle ship-like configuration.

"This is the only way to travel!" Laughed Ms. Frizzle.

**Bus** **Cam: **_Arnold adjusted the life-preserver he was now wearing. "As long as we don't sink or hit any rapids, I guess its okay." He admitted._

--

Far ahead, Dick Dastardly having gained a lead on the other racers, has begun to set up another trap.

"Here's the plan, Muttley," Dastardly explained, "We blow up the bridge, thus forcing any racer on the first side to not take it, and instead take a detour, thus taking them out of competition for the time being." Dastardly held out some dynamite connected to a wire. "Now take this bomb and place it on the bridge."

Muttley saluted his master and did as told. While waiting for the dog to finish his task, Dastardly pulled out a telescope from the Mean Machine(He and Muttley had already crossed the bridge, and were merely preventing others from using it.). In it, he saw the Hair Bear Bunch coming up the road.

"Hurry it up, Muttley!" Dastardly ordered, "And make sure the wires are connected, this time!"

Muttley rushed back to where Dastardly was hiding. With unhidden glee, Dastardly pushed down on the plunger of the bomb detonator.

However, there was no explosion, and Square's Wheels crossed the bridge without a problem.

"What!?" Dastardly cried in shock. "What went wrong now!?"

Dastardly went over to the bomb to check it for any problems. As he did, Muttley noticed something on the bottom of the detonator. There was a switch that had to settings; 'DUD' and 'ACTIVE'. The switch was currently set on DUD. Curious, Muttley turned the switch to ACTIVE.

KABOOM!

Dastardly landed right next to Muttley, covered in soot and singes, his mustache sticking out at all ends.

Muttley snickered, and got bonked on the head.

"Well," Dastardly coughed, getting back onto his feet, "That should at least stop some of them."

Just then, he saw Hong Kong Phooey riding down the river in the Phooey-Canoe.

**Phooey Cam: **_"The way I figure it," Hong Kong said, paddle in hand, "It's more environmentally friendly to take the river- and I can avoid the tool booths, too!"_

"Drat! Drat!" Dastardly spat. "And double-drat!"

--

In another part of the Show-Me State, the Freakamobile was getting refueled at a gas station. As Freakazoid wiped the windshield, Sgt. Cosgrove drove up in his patrol car.

"Hey, Freakazoid!" Cosgrove called out, "You wanna go on a fishing trip?"

"Sure!"

--

"You're lost, aren't you?" Max asked.

"I am not lost," Sam insisted, "None of these roads go where their supposed to, that's all."

The Freelance Police had been driving around the back roads of Missouri for quite some time now, and the lack of distractions was making Max a little stir-crazy.

Eventually, they came upon two men fishing out of a rain puddle.

"Sam, if I don't get to shoot at someone soon, I'll snap!"" Max grimaced, twisting his ears around.

"I'll just ask this gentlemaen for directions, to see if he knows of a way out of the state," Sam said, "And if he doesn't you can shoot him, happy?"

"Only if it's the second choice," Max answered.

Shaking his head, Sam called out to the pair of men. "Gentlemen!"

The two puddle fishers began to look around.

"He means you two bums," Max explained.

The puddle-fishers oriented their focus on the Freelance Police.

"Would you two boys know how to get to Kansas from here?" Sam asked.

One of the puddle-fishers pointed off road. "Just go that way, you'll be able to get to Kansas easily." He said.

"Much obliged," Sam thanked, and the Freelance Police drove off in that direction.

After the Adventurer was out of sight, the puddle-fisher looked to his friend.

"Bums, indeed."

--

"I don't know about this, Sam," Max said.

"You think these directions are bad," Sam asked.

"No," Max explained, "This just feels too boring to be one of our adventures, that's all."

Before Sam could comment on that, the Adventurer took a nosedive. It had gone off a cliff!

"AAHHHH!" Sam and Max screamed.

SPLASH!

The Desoto Adventure bobbed and down as it floated along the Missouri River.

Sam wrung out his hat and asked of Max, "Is this exciting enough for you?"

"It'll do in a pinch."

--

Elsewhere, the Rustbucket roared down the Missouri highway.

"Okay, we should be at the next state in two hours," Grampa Max announced, "But before that, is anybody hungry? Last stop till Kansas coming up."

"I am!" Gwen groaned, her hand on her stomach, "I feel like I'll explode if I don't get something to eat!"

No sooner had the words left Gwen's mouth did an explosion sound off- outside of the RV!

BOOM!

"Ahh!" Gwen cried, looking around. Peeking out the back, she saw an all-too familiar ice cream truck coming up from behind. "We've got a problem!"

"I'm on it!" Ben yelled, fiddling with the Omnitrix. "Heatblast should do the trick!" He decided, and slapped down on the alien device's trigger.

FWASH!

"Stinkfly?" The human-turned alien bug asked, perplexed. "Oh, well. It'll have to do. Open a window!"

Outside, Needles was busy aiming his gattling gun, preparing to slow the Rustbucket down enough to blast it with h missiles, when he saw something fly out from it.

"What is that?" The driver of Sweet Tooth muttered, squinting, "A bird? A plane?"

SPLAT!

As Sweet Tooth's windshield wipers wiped away the green goo Stinkfly spat on it, Needles laughed mockingly.

"Gross! But you'll have to do better than that!" The clown cackled, and adjusted the gun's aim.

"Whoa! What the!" Stinkfly cried, as it zigged and zagged through the air in a desperate bid to avoid the gunfire. "I gotta do something about those guns!"

With aim befitting a passing pigeon, Stinkfly quickly covered Sweet Tooth's main gun with a slew of sticky green goop, clogging the barrel.

"What else ya got?" Stinkfly taunted haughtily.

Growling, Needles armed his missile launcher. The cannon barrel poked itself out of the clown head, signifying doom for its unfortunate target.

Stinkfly gulped when he saw the cannon. "That's trouble," An idea then hit him. "Or is it?"

Taking a big breath, Stinkfly launched the mother of all goo-balls at the clown head's cannon. By some mind-boggling coincidence, the goop hit the missile launcher just a Needles hit the trigger. The effect was near-instantaneous.

KA-BLOOEY!

"Awesome!" Stinkfly cheered, watching the clown-head go up in flames.

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_"That little _BLEEP _blew up my head!" Roared Needles, gripping his knife in fury, his head-fire blazing more than usual. "He'll pay! In blood!"_

"Yeahha ha!" Stinkfly laughed, flying about.

FWASH!

"Uh, oh," Ben gulped, no longer capable of flight. As he fell screaming, a mysterious power grabbed him before he hit the pavement.

"Thanks, Gwen!" Ben yelled, flashing a thumbs-up to the Rustbucket.

--

On a road that went along the Missouri River, the Starship was…not moving. It hadn't budged in fifteen minutes.

"Wake up, Kirby!" Tokkori ordered, fluttering about the puffball. "C'mon! You've slept enough!" He gave the star warrior a good pecking as an incentive.

Kirby didn't even flinch.

"Ahh, to heck with it," Tokkori grumbled, and positioned himself on the Starship's lever. Unfortunately, it was at this time that Kirby subconsciously put his foot down, exerting extra pressure on the lever. That- with the added weight of Tokkori being squashed in-between- caused the Starship to rocket forward!

"Wak!" Tokkori squawked, being sandwiched between the warrior and his ship.

--

Further ahead on the Missouri River, the Magic Ferry Boat paddled lazily along the water. Ms. Frizzle's class had begun to relax, and Liz had a fishing line in the water.

"Catch anything, Liz?" Ralphie asked.

Liz checked her line and shook her head to indicate no.

A loud 'vroom' filled the air, and the class looked to the riverside to see a yellow blur zip past them, followed by a trail of kicked-up dust.

"What was that?!" Keesha asked, surprised.

"It's Kirby!" Carlos realized.

"He's beating us!" Phoebe cried.

"Do something, Ms. Frizzle!" Wanda appealed.

Ms. Frizzle pushed a button on the dash board.

"Fasten your seatbelts, class!" She commanded, as the Bus began to change.

The spun and shook, and in a flash, became a more wave-racer-like vehicle.

"WA-HOO!" Ms. Frizzle's voice rang out into the air as the Magic Wave Racer roared down the river.

--

"…And so I was zapped into the internet, and here I am." Freakazoid concluded.

"That is just plain weird, dude," Chris commented.

It just so happened that the boat Freakazoid and Cosgrove went fishing on was the same one Chris was riding on.

"Yo, Sarge," Chris said to Cosgrove, "You catch anything, man?"

"Nah," Cosgrove muttered, reeling in his line. "Maybe I should switch to gummy worms, these real ones don't seem to be doing the trick."

"Coud work, dude," Chris turned and pressed a few keys on his laptop. "Here's a video shout-out for Hong Kong Phooey, and guess what, Mike, she's a cop like you!"

Shout-Out: _Rosemary, the phone operator at the police station in the city Hong Kong Phooey lived in, giggled a little bit before speaking. "Hello, Hong Kong! This is just a little well-wishing from your fans and fellow good guys! You're doing a wonderful job! When you fought those bikers, I practically swooned! We're all rooting for you, even Penry, if he wasn't on vacation. Good luck!"_

"I wouldn't mind being arrested by her, huh?" Chris asked, his eyebrows arching. Just then, the Magic Wave Racing sped by, splashing Chris.

"Hey!" the host sputtered, "Watch the hair, will ya!"

Getting out a comb, Chris began to style his hair as he spoke. "As we leave the state of Missouri, our positions are…

"In first place, the Starship…

"In second place, the Magic School Bus…

"In third place, Square's Wheels…

"In fouth place, Daddy's Ferrari…

"In fifth place, the Freakamobile…

"In sixth place, the Phooeymobile…

"In seventh place, the Desoto Adventurer…

"In eighth place, the Rustbucket…

"In ninth place, Sweet Tooth…

"And in tenth and last place, the Mean Machine.

"What strange twists will our racers have to put up with in the next state?" Chris asked.

"Find out next time," Freakazoid chimed in.

Cosgrove poked his head in as well. "On **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	8. Somewhere Under the Rainbow

"Last time," Chris said, seated comfortably in his trailer, "On Drag Race: Worldwide;

"Some of our racers decided to take the river route in an attempt cut time. Clever, if not wet.

"Dastardly tried to take out a bridge, but that pretty much blew up in his face.

"Speaking of blowing things up, a battle between the Rustbucket and Sweet Tooth resulted in the loss of one of the ice cream truck's most crucial features: the clown head of doom.

"How will Needles get back at the Tennysons? Where did Ben get that watch?" Chris leaned forward to give the audience a better view of his teeth. "And are my teeth _that _shiny?"

The view went back to normal as Chris finished. "Find out today on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 8: Somewhere Under the Rainbow

"Welcome back, racing fans," Chris said, taking a sip from a slushy. "Our race teams are now driving through the Flower State of Kansas, in the first state of the western United States. Let's see what the Freelance Police are up to, shall we?"

--

"So this is Kansas," Sam said as he drove the Desoto Adventurer down the highway. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

"I don't know, Sam," Max commented, looking around, "I was expecting it to be a little more cheerful."

_That _certainly was true. Ever since entering the state, everything, the sky, the ground, the scenery…the _reality_ itself had gone into a dusty brown and white coloring scheme, like something out of an old movie.

"That certainly is peculiar, Max," Sam replied, "Why don't I take our minds off this dismal landscape with a little music."

Sam flipped on the radio, and an announcer's voice buzzed through the speakers.

"We interrupt 'Music To Beat Your Brains In' for this special bulletin," the announcer said, "A tornado alert has been announced!"

"Sounds like trouble," Sam commented.

"I'm sure it has nothing to do with us," Max assured, looking at a Snucky's station as they passed it.

"The tornado is predicted to reach full strength as it hits Route 70, just past the Snucky's Station!" The announcer continued, "All residents and drivers are advised to get the heck out of there!"

Sam turned off the radio and an awkward silence followed.

"Max, what route is this?" Sam asked quietly.

"Seventy," Max answered just as quietly.

"Crud," Sam commented.

There was a brief silence, which quickly ended as the Adventure was pulled into the cyclone before them!

**Freelance Cam: **_"I admit," Sam said with a finger in the air, "That Max and I were a little worried, but being the pair, well-trained professionals that we are, we managed to keep our heads during the crisis."_

"AAAAAAAUUUUUGGHHH!" The Freelance Police screamed as they went spinning into the air.

--

In other parts of the state, the Hair Bear Bunch were driving down a deserted country road when Hair Bear saw something out of the corner of his eye. (It should be noted, that the color ha returned to normal)

Animal control!

"Quick, Square, into that barn!" Hair Bear pointed over Square Bear's shoulder. The more-quiet member of the Bunch steered Square's Wheels into the building as directed. Inside, Hair Bear dove into a pile of hay, his afro just 'bear-ly' sticking out. Bubi Bear meanwhile, grabbed a blanket and tossed it over himself, being covered completely. That left Square Bear, who couldn't see any place to hide himself. Desperately, he dove into a stable.

The barn door opened up, and a young animal control employee stepped in.

"It doesn't look like there are any bears- hold on," the Control employee said, "I'll check the stables."

Looking around, Square spied a pair of horns lying in the corner. Quickly, he donned them.

"Mooooo." Square Bear said, in the deepest tone he could manage.

"Nevermind," the young Animal Control worker said, leaving. "No bears- just a cow."

--

Meanwhile, Daddy's Ferrari were driving past a large cornfield.

"Wow…" Lindsay gasped, "Isn't it pretty?"

"Fantastic," Duncan said, not taking his eyes off the road.

"In fact, it's so pretty…" Lindsay took a deep breath. "I feel like singing!"

Duncan's eyes popped wide open. "What?"

"_Somewhere over the rainbow…_" Lindsay sang, her voice ringing out into the air, "_Way up high…_

"_There's a land that I heard of…_

"_Once in a lullaby…"_

Suddenly, the Freakamobile drove up alongside the Ferrari, on Lindsay's side. Freakazoid opened up his windshield, stuck his head out, and began to sing as well.

"_Somewhere over the rainbow…" _Freakazoid warbled, _"Skies are blue…_

"_And the dreams that you dare to dream…_

"_Really do come true…"_

Lindsay and Freakazoid exchanged smiles.

"_Someday I'll wish upon a falling star," _Lindsay picked up, _"And wake up where the clouds are…_

"_Behind me…_

Freakazoid took over.

"_Where trouble melt like lemon drops," _Freakazoid sang, "_Away above the chimney tops…_

"_That's where you'll find me…"_

Grinning, both LindsayFreakazoid sang in tune.

"_Somewhere over the rainbow…" _They sang, "_Bluebirds fly…_

"_Birds fly over the rainbow…_

_Why then, oh why, can't I?_

"_If happy little bluebirds fly…" _Lindsay sang solo.

"_Beyond the rainbow…" _Freakazoid sang.

"_Why, oh why can't I?" _They finished together.

"Bravo," Duncan groaned.

--

"I have no idea what that was all about," Chris said, having watched the whole spectacle on the Wacky-Cam. "But that was _awesome!_"

Chris quickly whipped out his cell phone and began to dial. "Hello? Chris here. Listen, I've just had a great idea for a new product from merchandising. What would you say to a Drag Race soundtrack?"

--

In other parts of Kansas, Dick Dastardly was up to another one of his nasty tricks. He and Muttley had just blocked the road with a large pile of boulders, effectively preventing any car from getting past it.

"Good work, Muttley!" Dastardly chuckled, admiring their handywork.

Muttley, who had done most of the work, fell back onto the ground, panting.

"Let's see anyone get past that!" Dastardly sneered, clearly imagining the looks of defeat on the other racers. His eyes lit up. "Ahh, here comes one!"

The Starship stopped when it reached Dastardly's blockade. However, instead of looking defeated, Kirby merely pushed an unseen button at his ship's control panel. The Starship's wheels retracted into the spaceship, and the Starship flew over the blockade before landing on the other side.

"Drat," Dastardly muttered. He then saw another racer come. "Aha! But this one should be stuck!"

The next car to appear before the blockade was Sweet Tooth. The ice cream truck merely blew the blockade up.

BOOM!

Sweet Tooth drove through the wreckage without any delay.

"Double drat!" Dastardly yelled, stomping the ground. "C'mon, Muttley! We're losing!"

Muttley, hadn't moved from where he lay. Flat on his back and belly-up, he seemed to be expecting something.

Dastardly immediately knew what Muttley wanted. "No! Absolutely not! No way no how!" Dastardly protested. A few seconds later he relented. "Oh, all right."

Leaning down, Dastardly gave Muttley a tummy rub.

"Satisfied?" Dastardly asked, smiling tightly.

Muttley nodded, content.

"Then let's go!" Dastardly snapped.

--

"Poor Dicky-bird," Chris sighed, grinning at his misfortune and indignity. "Let's hope his chances of winning don't go to the _dogs_." Chris's face broke out into a wide smile. "Get it? Dogs? 'Cause he just…never mind."

Chris studied the Wacky-Radar. "Looks like all our racers are doing fine, but, where's the Freelance Police?"

--

Sam and Max stood before Belinda the Good Witch in Emerald City. Everything was incredibly colorful. They had just defeated the Wicked Witch of the West, and their friends the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodsman, and the Cowardly Lion had just received their brains, heart, and courage from the Wizard of Oz. Max had on a pair of ruby slippers.

"I don't suppose you could get us back into the race, could you?" Sam asked the Good Witch.

"Oh, Sam, Max, you've always had the power to get back into the race," Belinda said wisely.

"Really? Cool!" Max grinned, showing his razor-sharp teeth. "Is it in my metal plate?" He gave the metal plate in his head a good tap, emanating a loud bong.

"No, Max," Belinda giggled, "It's in those ruby slippers. Just click your heels three times and say, 'There's nothing like a race.'"

Max looked at Sam awkwardly. Sam gave him a look and Max began to click his heels.

"This is degrading," the hyperkinetic rabbity thing groused.

"Shaddup and click those heels," Sam ordered.

Sighing, Max continued to click his heels together. "There's nothing like a race…there's nothing like a race…there's nothing like a race…"

--

Sam and Max woke up, back in their Desoto Adventurer in Kansas.

"Max, I just had the most obtuse dream," Sam said, "I was in this extraordinary, overly-colored world, and you were there," Sam looked into the back seat at the Scarecrow, Tin Woodsman, and the Cowardly Lion. "And you were there, and you were there, and you were there…"

The Rustbucket, Phooeymobile, and the Magic School Bus suddenly zipped past them.

"They weren't there…" Max commented.

Exchanging looks of realization, Sam hit the pedal the Adventurer took off.

--

"And so we leave Kansas," Chris said, "But before we go, we have a video shout-out for one of our racers! Hit it!"

Shout-Out: _A rather stern-looking skinny man glared at the camera. "Bears, don't think you can run loose forever," Wonderland Zoo director Peevly said, "I've got every zoo in the country looking out for you three, it's only a matter of time!"_

"Not exactly a confidence booster," Chris commented. "At this time, our racers' positions are…

"In first place, The Rustbucket….

"In second place, the Phooeymobile…

"In third, the Magic School Bus…

"In fourth place, the Desoto Adventurer…

"In fifth place, Square's Wheels…

"In six place, the Freakamobile…

"In seventh place, Daddy's Ferrari…

"In eight place, the Starship…

"In nine place, Sweet Tooth…

"And last, but not least, the Mean Machine.

"We are only three states away from the halfway mark at the Golden Gate Bridge," Chris continued, "Which five cars will go on to the final half of the race? It's still anyone's race, so tune in next time, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	9. The Thing That Made Noise

Chris sat on a couch, a bowl of popcorn next time him. A window just to the left and above his head showed a fierce storm outside.

"Yo! Last time, on Drag Race: Worldwide!" Chris began. "Things got a little twisted when our racers went through Kansas.

"Sam and Max found themselves somewhere over the rainbow for a time…

"And Lindsay and Freakazoid found each other in perfect harmony.

"Can the state of Colorado top whatever weirdness happened before? We can only hope, now, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode Nine: The Thing That Made Noise

It was a dark and stormy night, as the Magic School Bus powered through the open road. In fact, it was so stormy that the Bus had difficulty driving down the road. Ms. Frizzle had the windshield wipers on maximum power, and the headlights turned up all the way, to show the road whenever it wasn't being illuminated by the lightning.

**Bus Cam: **_"I hate storms," Carlos confessed, "It always feels like the next bolt of lightning is going to hit me!"_

"If it gets any wetter out there, we'll need to get a boat!" Wanda commented, staring at the numerous puddles outside her window.

"Forget a boat! Any more of this and we'll need a submarine!" Ralphie exclaimed, staring at one puddle with a shark fin sticking out.

"Keep an eye out, class!" Ms. Frizzle announced, "If you see a hotel, shout!"

Arnold, who had already been on the lookout for a possible shelter, suddenly yelled, "There! I see one!"

Everyone looked outside of Arnold's window. In the distance, not too far away, was a building with the neon letters HOTEL on it, glowing bright enough to be seen in the storm.

"Good eye, Arnold!" the Friz said, and turned the wheel.

--

After parking as close to the entrance as possible(Which wasn't very close, as eight other familiar-looking vehicles had taken the good spaces), Ms. Frizzle and her class bravely fought their way through the storm to the door.

Inside, they found the teams for the Rustbucket, Daddy's Ferrari, Desoto Adventurer, Mean Machine, Square's Wheels, Phooeymobile, Freakamobile, and Starship resting peacefully in the hotel's waiting area. Sam, Duncan, Freakazoid and Hair Bear were playing cards, Lindsay, Max(Who was seated on Lindsay's lap), Ben, and Gwen were watching TV, Grampa Max and Dick Dastardly were talking, and Spot and Muttley were glaring at each other. The other's were just mulling about. Kirby sat on the floor, sleeping.

"What's everyone doing here?" Ms. Frizzle asked, surprised.

"We were forced off the road by the storm," Freakazoid explained, dealing himself an ace from his left sleeve.

"It's as if some evil, otherworldly power has conspired to force us all under the same roof for a no doubt twisted and nefarious end," Sam commented.

"Uh…Sweet Tooth isn't here, is he?" Phoebe asked cautiously, scanning the room.

"We haven't seen him," Grampa Max replied, "But I'll bet he's holed up somewhere else by now. You'd have to be crazy…er…to drive in this weather."

Had anyone looked out the window, they would have, for a brief moment when lightning lit up the area, seen a demonic ice cream truck in the distance.

--

Outside, Sweet Tooth parked itself on a hill overlooking the hotel, positioned so that it was looking down at the building. Needles could see the other racers through the hotel's windows. Chuckling darkly, he armed his missile launcher.

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_Needles giggled with manic glee. "It's too easy! All I have to do is pull the trigger, and I'll win the race by default!"_

"So long, suckers…" Needles sniggered. He was about to fire when he felt a strange sensation. A pushing-pulling sensation, like being caught in an undertow.

Looking at the window, he saw that the winds of the storm, combined with the wet grass, were pushing him off the hill! With a scream, Needles and Sweet Tooth went sliding down the slope, crashing into a giant mud puddle.

--

Grampa Max glanced out the window. Did he hear someone scream…?

"Well, it's obvious we won't be going anywhere in this," He said to everyone. "Why don't we call a truce for tonight?"

Everyone agreed, though there was a good chance Dastardly might have had his fingers crossed.

Dorothy Ann looked at the deserted hotel clerk desk. "Where's the hotel's staff?"

"Don't know. I think they left to escape the storm," Hong Kong Phooey surmised.

"Does that mean we get the whole hotel to ourselves?" Tim asked. "Awesome."

"I don't know about that," Gwen said from her spot in front of the television set. "This place gives me the creeps. It feels like we're being watched."

"Uh, hello?" Duncan asked sarcastically, "It's a reality show. We're always being watched."

--

"Duncan's right," Chris said. He was sitting at the consol of a much more advanced security center than the kind in his trailer. "We're always watching. And tonight, we're going to watch our racers scare the bajeebers out of each other! What none of them realize is that they've all entered Hotel Creepy, a carefully-constructed assortment of secret passages, trap doors, and other such surprises. If we're lucky, our drivers might bump into…" Chris quickly held a flashlight to his face, "…the Thing that Lurks in the Hotel!"

--

"Well," Grampa Max said, getting up, "I'm going to the kitchen to make some dinner. Does anyone want anything?"

He received a chorus of "Okay" and "sure" from everyone but his grandchildren, who were more than a little queasy about the idea of letting their grandfather in the kitchen uninhibited.

"Well, while good old grampa is fixing us up some grub," Sam said, shuffling the cards, "Why don't we see what's on the movie channel?"

"Let's see here," Hair Bear said, looking through a TV guide, "there's 'The Thing That Ate Toledo,' 'The Thing That Got Married,' and 'The Thing That Ate the Other Things'."

"I'm sensing a pattern here." Max commented.

Lindsay changed the channel- and everyone stared. On screen were the racers. Ben looked a Gwen.

At the same time, the Ben on-screen did the same.

Really weirded out, Freakazoid slowly raised and lowered his arm…as did the Freakazoid on-screen.

"What the heck is this?" Max asked, his voice getting that stereo effect from the TV.

"Holy bouncing Buddha!" Sam cried, "Do you know what we're watching?"

"Ourselves?" Ralphie asked.

"Exactly." Sam nodded. "We must have tuned in onto the newest episode of Drag Race: Worldwide!"

There was a pause as everyone watched themselves watching themselves watching themselves watching themselves…

"Okay, I'm bored." Duncan grunted, "Let's watch those Things."

--

"Okay, cue the monster…." Chris brought his raised hand down like he was signaling the start of a race, "Now!"

--

As it turned out, not everyone wanted to watch 'The Thing That Ate Toledo'. The Hair Bear Bunch had decided to find some rooms to 'crash' in, while Dastardl pulled Muttley aside for some 'business.'

"Now, Muttley," Dastardly began, "I want you to go and let the air out of their cars' tires."

Muttley looked out a window at the rain pelting the glass. He whimpered.

"It's not raining _hard_," Dastardly said sternly. "Now quit stalling and get moving!"

Grumbling, Muttley grabbed an umbrella and went for the door. Opening it, he saw a large, hulking figure, whose features were hidden in darkness. A flash of lightning revealed that the figure _had _no features…he was covered head to toe in mud.

Muttley slowly closed the door. Turning around, he rolled his eyes into the back of his head and fainted.

--

Meanwhile, everyone in the waiting area was busy watching 'The Thing That Ate Toledo' on the hotel's big screen. The movie itself wasn't something that would make it to re-release on DVD. The special effects were lame, the plot was overdone, cliché'd…

…And the acting was just _bad_.

"Man, this movie blows," Duncan grumbled, "We were better off watching ourselves."

"Tell me about it," Ben sighed, annoyed, "Aren't monster movies supposed to be _scary_?"

"And where's the gore and decay?" Max demanded, "I want my traumatizing decay!"

"Well, it seems that this movie was made in the days when Hollywood relied more on plot and good acting than merely overwhelming the audience with mind-blowing special effects and a killer soundtrack," Sam explained, "So without either of those, there's no way this film can sustain any of your young, scattered attention spans."

"Yeah, and it's boring too." Lindsay put in.

Meanwhile, Dastardly felt someone step behind him.

"Muttley, is that you?" Dastardly asked, not turning around. "Did you fix the tires like I told you too?"

"Urrr."

"Good, good. When this storm thins, we'll-" Dastardly turned to look, and instead of his canine co-driver, he saw a hulking, brown man-thing.

"YEOW!" Dastardly cried, jumping out of the way.

Everyone turned to where Dastardly was and saw the monster.

The effect was instantaneous.

"Monster!" Tokkori screamed.

Ms. Frizzle's class and Lindsay screamed as well.

"Ahh! It's a monster! An icky, icky mud monster! Icky, nasty, yucky…!" Freakazoid wailed…and kept wailing after everyone stopped screaming.

**Freaka-Cam: **_"Sometimes, I do stuff that makes people stare," Freakazoid admitted, "But it's fun!"_

Hong Kong Phooey stepped in front of the Thing.

"Have no fear, kids!" The self-styled kung-fu master declared. "_I'll _take care of this monster! Just let me review my Hong Kong Book of Kung-Fu."

Everyone stared in utter disbelief as Hong Kong flipped through the textbook with alarming calm.

"Aha! Here we go. The Kowloon Knuckle Strike!" Hong Kong closed the book and placed it back in the confines of his gi. Repositioning his feet, the anthropomorphic dog drew his arm.

"Kowloon Knuckle Strike!" Hong Kong Phooey slammed his fist into the Thing's chest…

SPLAT!

…Where it stayed.

A beat.

"Um…" Hong Kong said, uneasily. "A little help?"

Spot slapped his forehead and grumbled.

Unamused, the Thing roared, sending everyone fleeing for their lives…except for Hong Kong, who was stuck, and Dastardly, who hadn't moved from his hiding place under the card table.

--

Ms. Frizzle's class wound up inside a dining hall.

"That," Wanda said, panting, "Was _so scary_."

"What was that thing?" Keesha asked, gasping.

Ms. Frizzle then took a role call.

"Phoebe?"

"Here."

"Carlos?"

"Here."

"Arnold?"

Silence.

"Does anyone know where Arnold is?" Ms. Frizzle asked.

**Bus-Cam: **_"When we realized Arnold was gone, I was so scared," Phoebe said, sitting on a couch. "What if that monster got him?"_

--

As it turned out, Arnold was with Freakazoid, getting swept away with the superteen when he turned into lighting to escape the Thing.

"Don't worry, kid, we'll find your class, soon enough," Freakazoid assured. He turned to a closed door. "Maybe they're in here."

Freakazoid reached to open the door, but out from it burst the Thing!

"Or not. Run!" With that, Freakazoid and Arnold turned and ran down the hall, screaming.

As soon as the Thing was out of sight, the pair stopped to catch their breath.

"Boy, fleeing for safety sure gets tiresome, huh, Arnold?" Freakazodi asked.

"I knew I should have stayed home," Arnold lamented. He leaned up against the wall, and a space on the wall sunk into the wall like a button. The floor in front of them opened up, revealing a pitfall.

"Wow, look at the hoooole," Freakazoid said in a glazed tone of voice.

Then, there was a roar. The Thing had found them!

"Quick, get behind me!" Freakazoid said, shoving Arnold back. Unfortunately, behind was the pitfall.

"D'oh!" Freakazoid grunted, slapping his forehead. Giving the Thing one last look, Freakazoid dived down the trapdoor after the boy.

--

Arnold and Freakazoid landed on a couch, in some sub-sub-sub basement under the hotel. To their shock and surprise, in the basement were Dick Dastardly, Muttley, Hong Kong Phooey, Spot…and Chris!

"What are _you _doing here?" Arnold asked, getting his bearings.

"Oh, you know," Chris said, mock-innocent, "Just waiting for some guys to drop in."

"Wait a minute…" Freakazoid said, his eyes narrowing, "Were you punking us?"

"Yes, and no," Chris admitted, "Your challenge was to see how long you could go without being captured by the Hotel Thing."

"So…what now?" Arnold asked.

"Now, we watch the fun." Chris said, turning back to the monitors. "Cue the montage!"

--

All throughout the hotel, the Thing chased the various race teams. During the chase montage, the 'Scooby-Doo Where Are You?' theme song played throughout the background.

As the Thing ran down a hallway, it passed an odd picture. It was of Sam and Max, with a farm in the background. Sam had a pitchfork in his hands. As soon as the Thing passed it, Max made funny faces at it. A second later, the Thing was back. The Thing lunged at the picture frame, and got a pitchfork in the head courtesy of Max. Sam took the moment to haul him and his little buddy out of the picture.

Elsewhere, Ben and Gwen ran into a room, shutting the door behind them. The Thing was at the door soon enough, but upon opening it, the Thing found Forearms on the other side. The quadra-limbed alien sent the mud monster flying with a single punch.

In another room, the Thing burst in through the wall, not bothering to take its chances with the door. A scream reached its ears(or what it uses for ears) and it saw Lindsay, wearing a bathrobe, her face covered in facial cream.(You know, that icky green stuff…). Lindsay stared as the Thing screamed and bolted, smashing through another wall.

In the room being used by the Hair Bear Bunch, the Thing burst through the door. The Bears, shaken but not stirred, quickly dived into a closet, shutting the door behind them. Following after them, the Thing whipped the closet open. To its surprise, instead of a closet, the door revealed a brick wall with a sign that said, Wow! Just like Tex Avery!

Finally, the Thing managed to catch up with Ms. Frizzle's class, minus Arnold. Chasing them into a hallway with doors on each side, the Thing went into the door at the left end of the hall, just as Ms. Frizzle, Wanda, Carlos, and Phoebe came out of the door at the middle right. After they went in the left start of the hallway, the Thing came out of the right-end door, chasing Dorothy Ann and Liz into the left-start. Soon after, the Thing came out of the middle-left, being chased by Liz! After coming out of the start-right door, the Thing began to systematically open each door without entering. After opening all of the other doors, the end-left door was left. After opening that one, the entirety of Ms. Frizzle's class came bursting out, trampling it in the process!

--

"Wicked chase scene, guys," Chris congratulated, giving a thumbs-up, "But not good enough to stay safe, I'm sorry to say."

Before him were all of the racers featured in the chase scene. None of them looked very happy with Chris' prank, but were feeling better now that the 'Thing' was actually a guy in a suit.

"I guess Kirby wins the challenge, sense he's not here, right, Kyle?" Lindsay asked, still in her bathrobe, but facial-cream free.

"For the last time, it's Chris. And no," Chris said, "We're just one Tennyson short of declaring the challenge over with."

Ben and Gwen looked at each other. "Grampa!"

--

Grampa Max looked up at the ceiling from the…casserole he was making.

"Sure is noisy out there," He commented, "What are they doing? Having a stampede?"

Just then, the door burst open. Grampa looked over and saw the Thing enter the kitchen, with all the suspense of a slasher movie.

Grampa Max stared at it with some concern. "Uhh… Can I help you?"

The Thing roared and lunged at the senior Tennyson. Grampa responded by flinging the casserole at it, hitting the Thing in the face dead-on. The Thing shook the foodstuffs off, groaning.

--

"All right, way to go, gramps!" Duncan applauded, a sadistic gleam in his eyes.

"I wonder what was in that dish, though," Dorothy Ann asked aloud.

Ben and Gwen exchanged looks. "You don't want to know." They said together, recalling past experiences with their grandfather's cooking.

"Excuse me, Chris? Would you mind telling us who's in that monster costume?" Ms. Frizzle asked.

"Him? That's just a temp we hired in another town, and-" A beeping sound cut Chris off. "Huh. Voicemail."

Chris played the message.

"_Hello? Mr. MacClean? This is Joe Average, the guy you hired to play that hotel monster? Listen, I'm sorry, but I can't make it. I'm stuck in this storm, and I can't go any further. Again, I'm sorry, you don't have to pay me. Bye."_

The message ended there.

"Wait a minute, if the guy Chris hired isn't here…then who's with Grampa Max?" Arnold asked worriedly.

On that note, everyone broke into a run, stampeding out of the control room up the stares.

"This would be so great for ratings," Chris said to Dastardly, "But so bad for lawsuits!"

--

Meanwhile, the fight between Grandpa Max and the Thing was going on evenly. While the Thing had plenty of speed and power going for it, Grandpa Max had experience and the some martial arts know-how.

"All right, why don't you cut this out?" Max asked, panting. He was getting too old for this…! "You're just an actor hired by Chris to scare us, aren't you?"

The creature stopped…then lashed out and sent Max to the floor!

Grandpa skidded across the tiles and hit the fridge. "Oof! That's it…I quit…you win…"

However, the Thing kept moving, with a predatory stance.

"Um, I said you win…" Grandpa said uneasily. Something wasn't right…

"GRANDPA!" Everyone screamed from the entrance, "That's a REAL hotel monster!"

"What?" Grandpa looked up at the Thing, now a foot away. "That's not good…"

However, before anyone could do anything, a pink blur bounced off the Thing's head.

"Kirby!" Everyone cried.

The Thing sent a glare that would scare a Doberman. Not affected, Kirby inhaled a nearby tenderizing mallet and became…Hammer Kirby!

"It's hammer time!" Max(The rabbit) squealed, brandishing his own mallet.

"Better simmer down, little buddy," Sam said, grabbing his friend's shoulder. "I think we should leave this to the professional."

"Sam, say 'simmer' again, please?"

Hammer Kirby went at the Thing, bashing it with a variety of hammer-blows. Eventually, the Thing, beaten senseless, went down. Kirby gave the Thing one last tap with his hammer, and dried mud crumbled away, revealing…Needles!

"So it was Needles Kane this whole time!" Dastardly cried.

"I get his plan now," Hong Kong Phooey remarked, "He thought that by pretending to be Chris' monster, he could eliminate us and take out his competition."

"Actually, I just couldn't find the shower," The fire-head clown admitted, rubbing his aching, burning noggin.

A ray of light poured in through the window just then. Looking out, everyone saw the storm had been replaced by sunny skies.

Mourning!

"Dawn already?" Gwen asked.

"Great gills of Jaws," Sam commented, "We spent the entire night, wasting precious sleeping time, being chased by this soiled psychotic!"

"Funny," Max put in, "I feel wide awake!"

"Me too!" Lindsay chimed in- and then fell asleep. Pretty soon, everyone was asleep- except for Kirby.

"Well," Chris said, giving the dozing racers a good look-over, "Seeing as you beat the monster which turned out to be Needles, you win the challenge, Kirby."

"Poyo?" Kirby blinked.

"And what did you win? One free tank of gas!" Chris declared, whipped out the gas canister. He dropped into Kirby's arms.

Kirby, not really getting it, ran off.

Chris turned to the camera. "Stay tuned next time, as our racers get closer and closer to the halfway mark! We're just three states away, people! Check us out next time, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	10. Viva Las Vegas

Chris sat on a recliner, drink in hand.

"Last time," He said, pausing to take a sip, "On Drag Race: Worldwide!

"Major-ly harsh weather conditions forced our racers to make a stopover and truce at a hotel…which just happened to be haunted by a mud monster.

"A very familiar chase ensued, with each of our racers getting trapped in the basement.

"Ultimately, the monster was revealed to be Needles, trying once again, to take out the competition the only way he knew how.

"What will our racers scare up today?" Chris asked, setting the empty glass on a nearby table.

"Would you like another martini, Mr. MacClean?" A pretty, female voice asked.

"Gracias," Chris thanked, "And can the babes here get any more awesome? Find out today, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 10: Viva Las Vegas

"Welcome back to Drag Race: Worldwide," Chris said, now sitting at the controls of the Wacky-Radar, "Today, our cars will be racing through Nevada.

"I know what some of you are thinking. 'Dude, what happened to Utah? Well, nothing real big happened there, so the producers decided to just skip it. But enough about the signatures on my paycheck, let's check on our racers now, shall we?"

Chris peered at the screen of the Radar. "Hmmm, looks like they've slowed down a little…to a crawl!"

--

A 'crawl' would have been optimistic. Miles and miles of traffic were keeping each car at a standstill…except for Squares's Wheels, which drove easily past the lanes of jammed-up automobiles.

**Bear Cam: **_Hair Bear adjusted his afro. "Another great thing about not having an actually car is, we don't need to obey the normal traffic laws, like staying in the right lanes!"_

The Bears' sped past the Desoto, leaving a fist shaking Max in their wake(Sam had gone off to use the little doggy's tree).

**Freelance Cam: **_"If it wasn't for the lack of sufficient firepower," Max said, "I woulda blasted those bears off the road and made rugs outta their hides!"_

As the Bears passed the Magic School Bus, Ms. Frizzle turned the radio to the traffic report.

"_And with cars as far as the eye can see, all, I repeat _all _routes to California are jammed up. Any travelers are recommended to stay off-road for the duration. This is Arnie Pie, your eye in the sky."_

The Friz turned off the radio.

"Looks like we're stuck here," She sighed, "Our only choice is to wait until we find an exit."

As the class groaned in disappointment, Ms. Frizzle adjusted herself, and leaned over to turn on the radio again.

"Maybe I can find some good music…Oops!" Ms. Frizzle said, as her hand slipped and she pressed a big red button on the dashboard.

The Bus then began to shake and vibrate, ultimately spinning and morphing…

FWOOMP!

…Into a helicopter!

Spinning its blades, the Magic Helicopter rose and flew over the traffic.

This feat did not go unnoticed, as Tokkori began to peck Kirby inside the Starship's cockpit.

"C'mon! Wake up! We're fallin' behind, slowpoke!" the Dreamland bird said fiercely, jabbing his beak into the pink puffball, "Do something!"

Kirby looked up at Tokkori, rubbing his sore forehead. He 'poyo'd questioningly.

"Do what they did!" Tokkori snapped, "This here's a spaceship, isn't it!?"

Kirby pushed a button, and the Starship retracted its wheels and began to rise and float above the other cars.

**Starship Cam: **_"I gotta do all the thinkin' around here," Tokkori confided, "If it was up t'Kirby, he woulda just be at home, sleeping an' eatin'!"_

No sooner did the Starship and the Magic School Bus take for the skies, did traffic begin to move. Mostly because Sweet Tooth, tired of waiting, began to take potshots at cars ahead of him. This had the effect of clearing lanes of automobiles, as their wreckage was blasted clear off of the highway.

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_"I'm a baaaad boy." Needles snickered in an impersonation of Lou Costello._

The reason for the increase of speed in the traffic did not go unnoticed, as several racers found themselves witness to the spectacle.

"Aw, crap!" Duncan cried, gripping the wheel, "He's at it again!"

Lindsay bent over in her seat in a self-hug. "I'm scared!" She whined.

"Can't blame ya," Duncan grunted, giving the wheel a hard turn. The lack of cars revealed an exit to get off the highway. "Here we go!"

Meanwhile, in the Rustbucket, Ben had another method of dealing with Needles' madness.

"It's hero time!" Ben said, fiddling with the omnitrix, "This looks a job for Heatblast!"

"Wait! There's still too many people out there!" Grandpa Max said, stopping him. "They might get caught in the cross-fire. We need to get his attention first."

"T-that won't be a problem!" Squeaked Gwen, pointing out the window, "I think he's seen us!"

Indeed. Coming back the wrong way(Sweet Tooth had been ahead of the Rustbucket) was the ice cream truck, it's missile launcher smoking from use.

"Hold on!" Grandpa Max yelled, hitting the gas pedal. The RV quickly went down the same exit Daddy's Ferrari did.

Las Vegas

--

"Looks like all our racers are headed toward the same city," Chris commented, rubbing his hands together. "Now, how can we make this work?"

--

As the Hair Bear Bunch drove through the neon-lit streets of Vegas, Square Bear spotted a familiar-looking truck up ahead

"Trouble," He grunted, pointing.

Hair Bear looked to where Square was pointing and gave a start. "It's the animal control! Quick, in there!"

Square steered his Wheels into the open backdoor of a truck. Inside, the Bears found themselves sharing the storage space with a pair of Siberian tigers!

"Um, Hi there," Bubi Bear said, pleasantly.

Suddenly, everything went dark as the doors closed.

"Alright," A human worker said to his partner, "Let's get these animals to that casino."

--

Meanwhile, the Freakamobile tore down the Las Vegas roadways, intent on its destination.

"Now, where am I going?" Freakazoid asked aloud, stopping at a red light.

"Hey, Freakazoid." A gruff but familiar voice asked.

Freakazoid turned and saw Cosgrove looking in his window from outside.

"Oh, hiya, Cosgrove!" Freakazoid greeted cheerfully.

"You wanna see a magic act?" Cosgrove asked.

"Do I!?"

--

Elsewhere, Dick Dastardly and Muttley had come across a pit in an alley, blocked off by a detour barrier.

"Quick, Muttley," Dastardly ordered, "We have not much time to lose!"

Dastardly opened the trunk of the Mean Machine and pulled out a large screen.

"We're going to give those racers a route that's the pits!" He laughed nefariously.

**Dastardly Cam: **_"This one is not going to fail!" Dastardly swore, with Muttley working in the background, "This trap is 100 percent flop proof!"_

--

Meanwhile, the Rustbucket had parked itself in an empty lot.

"This looks like a good place to fight Sweet Tooth," Grandpa Max decided, "No innocent bystanders."

Ben transformed into Heatblast. _"Now_ it's hero time!" He looked around. "Hey, where _is _Sweet Tooth?"

--

Somewhere in Las Vegas, under the illumination of a single ceiling lamp, a card game was about to take place.

"Okay, dealer," said one of the players, most of his body except his hands hidden in the darkness, "Cut the cards."

Needles grinned, looked at the deck before him, and cleaved in two with a butcher's knife.

"Not like that!"

--

"Wow…" Lindsay said in awe, "Look at all the lights…"

Duncan rolled his eyes and then looked upward. The neon signs of Las Vegas _were _pretty bright…

BANG!

Duncan and Lindsay jerked forward as Daddy's Ferrari came to a sudden stop, forcibly halted by another car in front.

"Great," Duncan grunted, "Fender-bender."

"Does that car look familiar?" Lindsay asked, blinking.

The car, as it turned out, was a police car…with a Missouri license plate. Just then, that Sheriff who stopped Daddy's Ferrari in that state came out of nearby store, a bagful of groceries in one arm.

"My baby!" He wailed in despair- and then he saw the drivers of the offending car. "You! Again!?"

"Time to go," Duncan said casually, and backed the Ferrari away.

"Get back here!" The Sheriff yelled.

--

"Alright, Muttley, all done? Good, now hide!" Dastardly ordered.

Dastardly's plan was simple, really. With a screen set up in front of the pit, painted to look like another street entrance, and detour blocks set up in front of the other street ways, Dastardly hoped to trap one of the racers.

"Ahh, here comes our first victim!" Dastardly snickered.

The Phooeymobile drove right up to the trap. However, instead of plowing through the screen and into the pit, the car simply and strangely drove _into_ the scenery, as if it was real!

"What the?!" Dastardly yelled, confused, "How did he- Into the car, Muttley! After him!"

Leaping into the Mean Machine, the car took off for the scenery- and crashed right into the pit behind it.

"Not one word, Muttley," Dastardly warned, a great temper forming inside, "Not…one…word."

--

**Ferrari Cam: **_Duncan crossed his arms in a smug sort of way. "I decided to stash the car in the alley and pulled Lindsay into this casino. Figured we could lose Sheriff potbelly in there."_

Duncan poked his out from behind a clothes rack. He was currently hiding backstage of whatever entertainment the casino had planned for their suckers- er, _customers_.

"Keep an eye out for that cop," Duncan whispered, "As soon as we see him, we ditch him, Lindsay- Lindsay?"

Duncan looked around, but Lindsay wasn't there. Or anywhere in sight.

**Ferrari Cam: **_Lindsay held up what looked like some kind of sparkling outfit to her front._

"_I know I shouldn't have snuck away, like that," She confessed, "But I just had to try this costume on! I mean, it is just so cute!"_

Lindsay primped and preened in front of a mirror, wearing her costume. It was one of those costumes that was meant for showing off the more…famous…parts of the human female's anatomy, without being too risqué. Giving herself a twirl for good measure, Lindsay giggled. She was about to take it off when someone burst in.

"There you are!" The near-sighted stage manager said, "C'mon, the show's about to begin!"

"But, I'm not- Waah!" Lindsay managed to say before being grabbed and dragged out.

--

**Freaka-Cam: **_"If you're ever in Vegas," Explained Cosgrove, "You should always try to check out one of their floor shows. Plus, they serve food with it, too."_

At one of the many tables in the casino's dining area, Freakazoid and Cosgrove looked toward the stage.

"Ladies, Gentlemen, and suckers…" An announcer's voice droned over the hubbub, "Pinky's Palace proudly presents…the Great Mamambo!"

The curtain opened up, revealing three things. The 'Great Mamambo,' a grinning man in a rhinestone tuxedo with a rainbow cape and an Elvis-pompadour like you wouldn't' believe, Lindsay, dressed in her showgirl outfit, looking more confused then she's ever been, and, in a cage, the Hair Bear Bunch!

There was scattered applause, though Lindsay got a few whistles from the audience wolves.

"Thank you, thank you!" Mamambo greeted, apparently in a world of his own, "It's such a pleasure to be here!"

At stage right, Duncan poked his head out from the curtain. He quickly waved and gestured for Lindsay to come with him, but Lindsay wasn't paying attention.

"For my first trick," Mamambo continued, "I will make this three bears disappear!"

"There you are!"

Duncan quickly rushed out onstage, followed by the Sheriff. Grabbing Lindsay, he swung open the cage door and shut them both in with the Bears. No sooner did he do so did a huge plume of purple smoke appeared where the cage was, as directed by Mamambo's nonsensical waving, and when the smoke wafted out, the cage was gone!

"Ta-daaah!" Mamabo declared.

"There gone!" The flummoxed Sheriff cried. He grabbed Mamambo. "This is your fault!"

The Sheriff began to throttle the Great Mamambo, inciting major applause from the audience.

"Bravo! Bravo!" Freakazoid cheered, clapping, "Encore!"

--

"Man, if Lindsay's costume won't raise ratings, I don't know what will," Chris laughed, "This all goes to show that whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas- unless it's broadcasted on television, that is! As we leave sin city, our current positions are…

"In first place, the Starship…

"In second place, the Magic School Bus…

"In third place, the Desoto Adventurer…

"In forth place, the Phooeymobile…

"In fifth place, the Rustbucket…

"In sixth place, Square's Wheels…

"In seventh place, Daddy's Ferrari…

"In eighth place, the Freakamobile…

"In ninth place, Sweet Tooth…

"and last, in tenth place, the Mean Machine.

"Tune in next time, for the most dramatic finish yet!" Chris said, pointint at the camera, "Yes, that's right, It's almost time for the groundbreaking half-way mark! Who will go on to Asia, and who will get left eating dust? Find out next time, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	11. Golden Finish

"Last time, on Drag Race: Worldwide," Chris began. He was no longer in his trailer, but instead was standing on a dock with a cruise ship in the foreground.

"Our racers ended up in Las Vegas, in desperate attempt to avoid being shot by Sweet Tooth.

"Tricky Dicky tried to pull a stunt that proved to be the pits…

"And Duncan and Lindsay met with an old friend- who wanted to arrest them.

"Ten racers began this wild and wacky race- but only five can finish it." Chris finished. "Who will go on to Asia? Find out for the most dramatic finish yet, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 11: Golden Finish

"Chris here, welcoming you back to Drag Race: Worldwide," Chris said, "We're coming to you live, from the San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge, the finish line for the race's first half."

Behind Chris, stuck behind various barricades, such as fences, security guards, and safety cones, were throngs of pedestrians and other people, who swamped the area, hoping for a cheap shot on TV. The whooped and hollered.

Chris ignored them all. "For the past few weeks, we have watched our ten racers bite, claw, and run each other down, as they rode down the great roadways of North America. And though they've all been loads of fun to watch, it is with _great-_" (Chris said this one word with a the phoniest expression of woe ever conceived) "-regret that we must leave half of them behind. So!" Chris's face returned to its usual cocky-ness, "Let's take one last look at our cars, before we send five of them packing. We've got…

"The Mean Machine,

"The Magic School Bus,

"The Desoto Adventurer,

"Daddy's Ferrari,

"The Rustbucket,

"The Freakamobile,

"The Phooeymobile,

"Square's Wheels,

"And the Starship!

"This is the milestone, people!" Chris said, with great conviction, "So! Let's ride!"

--

On an empty stretch of road overlooking San Francisco, the ten cars raced at high speed. In front was Daddy's Ferrari, with both Duncan and Lindsay wearing sunglasses as protection from the California sun.

**Ferrari Cam: **_Duncan gave the camera a smug look. "California, at last. What are my chances of winning? Pretty good,' cause anyone who gets in my way is dead! You hear me?! I did not spend six weeks in a car listening to princess bimbo talk to lose now!"_

**Ferrari Cam: **_"I heard we're going to go on a cruise to China," Lindsay said, "I _love _cruises! Especially the ones on the ocean."_

Behind them was the Magic School Bus. Suddenly, the Bus sprouted rocket boosters and space shuttle fins, and _flew _up and over the Ferrari, landing in front!

**Bus Cam: **_"I honestly didn't really think about winning when I entered my class and I in this race," Ms. Frizzle confessed, "But now that we're here, why not win?"_

In third was the Rustbucket. Ben stuck his head out the window, smiling a big smile and waving at the camera.

**Rustbucket Cam: **_Grandpa Max glanced at the camera before looking away. "Ben, get that thing out of my face, I'm trying to drive." Pan out to reveal Grandpa was still driving. The Camera spun around to a close-up of Ben._

"_That's right, for the win!" He laughed._

In fourth was the Desoto Adventurer. However, its drivers were not in their seats. Rather Sam and Max were on top, treating the vehicle in motion like a surfboard!

**Freelance Cam: **_"Knowing that we've made it this far is victory enough," said Sam, "You know what they say, it's not whether you win or lose…"_

"_It's how much destruction you cause winning!" Max finished, popping his head into the shot._

Behind them was the Starship. Kirby looked up at the camera and waved, going, "Hiii!"

**Starship Cam: **_Kirby blinked. "Poyo?"_

A little further back was the Phooeymobile. Hong Kong gave his gong a good bong, transforming it into the Phooey-Copter. However, instead of flying up, the car spun wildly and dug itself into the ground.

**Phooey Cam: **_"I'm feeling very good about this race," Hong Kong said, "Sure, I entered as a gag, but now that I'm here, I just might win!"_

Driving around the hole in the ground the Phooeymobile made were the Hair Bear Bunch, seemingly floating, but actually riding on Square's Wheels.

**Bear Cam: **_"Even if we don't make it into the first five," Hair Bear confided, "Me and the guys are gonna hit Disnyland California!"_

Not too far behind the Bears' was the Freakamobile. Rather than steer with his hands, Freakazoid had propped up his feet onto the wheel, while holding a soft drink and hamburger in his hands!

**Freaka-Cam: **_"Remember, kids," Freakazoid said in his most professional voice, "Do not try to imitate any of the stunts you see on this show…unless you've got a lightning bolt in your hair, like I do!"_

Right behind the Freakamobile was that homicidal ice cream truck, Sweet Tooth, driven its homicidal clown.

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_Needles glanced at the camera before erupting into a frenzy of psychotic giggles, which grew into horrific, hysterical laughter._

And, last but not least, was the Mean Machine, bringing up the rear.

**Dastardly Cam: **_"I'm not worried," Dastardly said, twirling his mustache, "Just because Muttley and I haven't been able to gain a decent lead, doesn't mean we'll lose. The race isn't over till the cars cross the finish line!" Dastardly finished this statement with a pointed index finger in the air._

The Mean Machine shot something out of the hood, which sailed over the other cars. Landing a little bit to the side of the road, it revealed itself to be a stoplight…turning red!

CRASHASHASHASHASH!

A nine-car pileup ensued, with the Mean Machine pulling ahead of the pack.

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_"Okay, that does it," Needles snarled, "Now I'm angry!"_

"No more dirty tricks, Muttley!" Dastardly announced, gripping the steering wheel with the force of madman, "I'm going to win this race, _even if I have to race honestly to do so!"_

Muttley gasped. Dick Dastardly, race without dirty tricks? Traps?

Dastardly pressed a big red button on the dashboard. The rocket boosters on the back of the Mean Machine roared to life, sending out a fiery exhaust. The Mean Machine blasted across the road- until it hit that pothole.

KWANG!

"AAARRRRGGGH! DRAAAAAT!" Dastardly cursed as the Mean Machine flew and spun through the air.

--

After getting out from the pile, the Freakamobile found itself falling behind the other cars. A quick glance at the gas gauge confirmed Freakzoid's fears.

"Ah, nut bunnies!" Freakazoid muttered, glaring at the E, the arrow was pointing at.

With great, great, effort, Freakazoid managed to push the Freakamobile to the nearest gas station.

"Fill 'er up!" Panted the superteen, lying against the car frame. "Hurry!"

"Did you say, 'fill 'er up?'" The attendant asked.

There was something familiar about that question. Looking up, Freakazoid saw a painfully familiar white uniform, like something from 'Hello Dolly'. His heartbeat quickening, Freakazoid looked at the gas station's sign. It said: Gasigo.

"No!" Freakazoid cried, leaping up. He was too late. Five station attendants came out, and…

"_If you want service with a smile, we will go that extra mile!_

"_We clean windows!_

"_Fill the tank!_

"_Wax the hood!_

"_No need to thank!"_

As the attendants launched into an impromptu can-can to go along with the rhythm, Freakazoid dived into the Freakamobile and took off.

--

"You know," Chris said, "Most people ask us where we get the permits to tape the show. My answer? Who knows! We leave that stuff up to the network's legal department."

Chris took a few steps back and leaned against a big couch someone left on the sidewalk.

"Right about now, some of our racers should be entering San Francisco. To make their ride a little smoother, we had local law enforcement keep citizens off the roads today," Chris explained. He looked at a technician off to the side. "They _do _know where coming in today, right?"

--

"Boy, would ya look at all the screaming bystanders?" Max commented, "You'd think they never saw a car before!"

"That may be just a knee-jerk reaction to our fellow racer Needles' driving style, pal." Sam replied, looking at the wholesale destruction.

Sweet Tooth had managed to enter the city first, and was letting nothing, be it vehicle, building, or even a police barrier, stand in its way.

"Sam, I'm feeling very discouraged. Sweet Tooth is destroying the city. I wanted to do that!" Max whined, "If we weren't in a race, I'd go and break his legs."

"You crack me up, little buddy." Sam took a slurp from his slushee, and immediately clutched his forehead. "Whu-oh. Brain freeze. Take the wheel while I shake this off."

Squealing with joy, Max grabbed the wheel while Sam laid back, his eyes rolling around. He was treated to visions of lollypops, yin-yangs, and retro-sixties color schemes.

"Ugh…That was a doozy." Sam muttered as the numbing pain went away. He noticed a distinct change in the surroundings. "Max, pray tell, why are we in a dark alley?"

"Beats the heck outta me," Max replied, "I can't see over the steering wheel."

Sam didn't comment on that one. He was too busy looking at a sign for cheap sky diving lessons.

"Hmmmm."

--

Meanwhile, the Hair Bear Bunch were driving as uninhibited as a trio of bears of an imaginary motorcycle could be. This did not last, as Square Bear spotted a familiar-looking van.

"Animal control," He announced, pointing.

Hair Bear, however, had a plan. "In there!" He ordered, pointing at a Gap store.

Not missing a beat, Square steered his wheels at the store, sending the three bears and seemingly non-existent bike through the revolving door. A mere second later, the Bears came out, still on Square's Wheels, but looking significantly different.

Square Bear was wearing overalls, a workman's shirt with a white T-shirt underneath, a large red cap, and a finished the look off with an immensely large fake beard.

Hair Bear, meanwhile, had gone 'Bugs Bunny' in that he was now clad in a pink dress dotted with sunflowers, and a bonnet to cover his afro.

And finally, Bubi Bear was wearing a sports jersey, a baseball cap, and shorts.

As they drove past the animal control van(As casually as can be, of course), one of the drivers of the van looked to his partner and said, "Welp, there goes the neighborhood."

--

"Hey, you guys hear something?" Chris asked, looking around. He then narrowed his eyes, looking at something in the distance. His eyes widened, and the host dived off-screen.

CRASH!

It was the Mean Machine! Rocketing out of the sky and on to the Golden Gate Bridge, the car skidded to a halt, just barely avoiding everyone.

"Dick!" Chris yelled, "You and Muttley okay, dude?"

A somewhat shaken Dick Dastardly fell out of the car, giving a shaky thumbs-up to the camera.

"Did I win…?" Dastardly asked dizzily.

Chris walked over and helped the villain up. "Congratulations, man! You and Muttley are the very first ones here!" Chris slapped Dastardly on the back, nearly knocking him down, "Way to go, dude!"

"I'm in first…?" Dastardly asked, still groggy. The full impact of the statement then took effect, jolting him to full consciousness. "I'm in first! Me! I did it!" Dastardly and Muttley proceeded to go through with a victory dance.

"And you did it without having to sabotage the other racers." Chris chimed in.

Dastardly stopped dancing and frowned. "Drat!"

Chris rolled his eyes, still grinning. He then focused on something unseen. "I think I see another one of our cars coming up!" He shouted.

The Rustbucket drove up, carried by the cheers of nearby onlookers. It came to a stop near where the Mean Machine lay in a smoking, but still drivable heap. Ben hopped out of the RV and held his arms in victory.

"All right! We're here!" the young Tennyson boy crowed. A minute later, Grandpa Max and Gwen came out as well.

"Way to go, Tennysons!" Chris cheered, clapping. "You guys are the second car here, and, you know what that means!"

"We're still in! Go us!" Ben cheered.

"That's two cars down," Chris said, facing the camera, "Only three to go! Which of the eight remaining cars will make it to the finals? Let's…find out!"

--

With Daddy's Ferrari…

"Duncan!" Lindsay yelled, "Can we please stop!?"

"Are you kidding me!?" Duncan yelled back, "We can't stop now!"

The reason why both teenagers were yelling is because if they talked normally, they wouldn't be able to hear each other over the sound of sirens, created by the fleet of police cars behind them.

**Ferrari Cam: **_"We weren't in the city for five minutes when these cops showed up!" Duncan grumbled, giving the camera a black look, "It's like my last family reunion! I mean, come on! I didn't run _that _many red lights, did I?!"_

"If we stop, those cops will be all over us!" Duncan yelled, waving his hand back to the barrage of boys(And girls) in blue.

"But I have t pee!" Lindsay whined loudly.

"Just hold it in!" Duncan ordered, just as loudly.

"I've _been _holding it in!" Lindsay whined even more loudly.

"Oh, fine!" Duncan snarled, finally relenting. Hitting the brakes, he parallel-parked next to an oxygen store. (Don't ask, just don't ask...) "Make it snappy!"

Lindsay hopped out and made a mad dash for the door. While she did, Duncan leaned back in his seat and prepared to deal with the police. To his surprise, every single patrol car zipped past him, not giving the Ferrari a second glance.

"Where's the fire!" Duncan yelled at the cops.

"Okay, let's go!" Lindsay chirped, hopping back into her seat.

Duncan did a double-take. "You're done!? Already?!"

"You said make it snappy," Lindsay remarked, shrugging.

Duncan, deciding that it just wasn't worth the headache, pulled the car out and drove.

--

Back at the Golden Gate Bridge, Chris, the crowd, and the winning drivers were waiting patiently for the next three racers to arrive.

Then Sam and Max fell from the sky.

WHAM!

"Where the heck did you guys come from?!" Chris asked, surprised.

"We fell through a plothole." Sam explained, slowly getting up.

"Good thing my unnaturally thick skull and Sam's body fat cushioned our respective falls." Max commented.

Sam looked around. "I only see two cars here, so that means we're in the final five, right?"

"Not really," Chris replied, "It doesn't count if your car doesn't cross with you."

"He's got a point, Sam. What do we do about that?" Max asked his friend.

"Wait for it." Sam said calmly.

There was an audible 'vroom' and the Desoto Adventurer rolled up into view.

"Happy?" Sam asked of Chris.

"Uh, sure," Chris said awkwardly, "That works, I guess…"

A familiar car honk filled the air, drawing Chris' attention from the absurdity of the situation. The Magic School Bus drove up, now dotted with flags from different countries from the old world.

"And there's our fourth place finisher!" Chris yelled, pointing. "The Magic School Bus!"

Ms. Frizzle and her class poured out of the Bus cheering.

"Only one car left," Chris said, "We are_ this close _from ending the first half of the race! Cross your fingers, and hope the dude you're rooting for makes it!"

"Who are you rooting for?" Carlos asked Keesha.

"I'm kinda hoping the Bears make it," Keesha admitted.

"What about you?" The Friz asked Grandpa Max.

"Anyone's fine- except Sweet Tooth," Grandpa Max said, "That guy is crazy. More than Sam and Max."

"He's had it in for us ever since gunked up his cannon," Gwen told Phoebe, "I'll be glad to have an ocean between us."

"He's probably been arrested by now!" Ben laughed.

--

Meanwhile, the fleet of cops had cornered a certain ice cream truck in a parking lot near a Burger King.

"ATTENTION!" The captain yelled through a megaphone, "WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! COME OUT OF THE VEHICLE WITH YOUR HANDS UP, AND UNARMED!!"

The ice cream truck door opened- and out stepped a little old man, wearing suspenders, complete with a fuzzy white beard.

"All- all I did was run a red light," The geezer said, trembling, "It was an accident, I swear!"

There was a long, awkward pause. Someone coughed.

"SORRY," The captain said through the megaphone, "OUR MISTAKE. WE THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE."

Just then, Sweet Tooth drove by.

KABOOM!

--

"You see anyone yet?" Carlos asked Ralphie. Ralphie was standing on the Magic School Bus with a pair of binoculars.

"Not yet…wait! I see someone!" Ralphie cried, nearly losing his footing. "Whoa, I'm okay!"

"Who is it?" Arnold asked.

"It's Duncan and Lindsay!"

A cheer went up from the crowd. Daddy's Ferrari zoomed up, coming to a sudden halt just a breath away from Chris.

"Wasn't that a bit too close for comfort?" Chris asked, his eyebrows arching.

"Hey, I stopped, didn't I?" Duncan asked, smirking.

Shaking his head, Chris turned to the camera. "There you have it, folks! We have our five finalists, and you know what that means!"

Before Chris could continue, Sweet Tooth pulled up. Needles poked his head out of the window and glared at the five cars.

"You're too late, dude," Chris said, "We've already got our final five."

Needles frowned, but that frown turned into a smile. An evil smile. "Hold that thought."

The flame-topped clown pulled his head back inside his ice cream truck.

"What do you suppose he's doing?" Max asked.

"Well, he's a psychotic murderer with no appreciation for life in general. What would you do?" Sam replied.

"Make some room on the starting line."

The clown head on Sweet Tooth then fired a missile- at the Rustbucket!

"Yeah, like that." Max grinned.

"The Rustbucket!" Ben cried, his eyes widening. The RV was blasted off the Bridge, hitting the water in a burning metal heap.

Chris stared at the spectacle. "Well. Seeing as the Tennysons no longer have a car to drive, I guess they're out of the race."

"What!?" Gwen shrieked, spinning to face him, "That's not fair!"

"Dem's the rules, kid," Chris shrugged, "No car, no race."

"You can't do this!" Grandpa Max protested.

"Sure I can, I run the show!" Chris smirked. His smile dropped a little and he put a hand on Grandpa Max's shoulder. "Hey, it's a raw deal, I know, but what can we do? You've got no car, and the show's budget doesn't go as far as fishing out of the drink. We all feel your loss, though."

"I don't!" Max the rabbity thing chirped.

"Pipe down." Sam ordered.

The elder Tennyson sighed, and went to join his grandchildren. Chris gave the family one last sad look before facing the camera, regaining his normal annoyingly chipper self.

"Well, there you have it!" He said, "Leaving America for China are our five finalists;

"The Mean Machine…

"The Desoto Adventurer…

"The Magic School Bus…

"And Sweet Tooth. These five cars and their drivers will be shipped to Asia on our luxery cruise ship, where they will compete in the second half of the race. Which of these five race teams will make it to Paris first? Who will be the first to break international law? Find out next time, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	12. Cruisin'

"Yo

"Yo!" Chris said, standing on the deck of cruise liner, "Last time, on Drag Race: Worldwide.

"After weeks of arduous driving, our racers finally made it to the halfway mark in California.

"The lucky winners of the US stretch were none other than, the Magic School Bus, the Freelance Police, the Mean Machine, Daddy's Ferrari, and Sweet Tooth.

"The Rustbucket actually beat Sweet Tooth to the finish first, but were sadly blown of the road by a well-aimed missile. Bummer, huh?

"Now, our racers are on their way to China, to begin the second of the race. Will their trip be a smooth one? Will anyone get seasick?" Chris then wiped his brow. "And have I been standing out in the blazing sun _way _too long?! Find out today, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 12: Cruisin'

"Welcome to the _H.M.S. Filler_," Chris introduced. He was standing near the edge of the deck, with the dock nearby. Next to him were Duncan, Lindsay, Dick Dastardly, Muttley, Sam, Max, Ms. Frizzle, her class, and Needles Kane. On the dock below was Freakazoid, Hong Kong Phooey, Spot, Kirby, Tokkori, Hair Bear, Square Bear, Bubi Bear, Ben, Gwen, and Grandpa Max Tennyson.

"All right, it's time to shove off," Chris continued, "So say goodbye to the losers, folks, 'cause you probably won't see them again."

"Goodbye, losers!" Max waved.

As the cruise liner began to move away from the dock, the losers yelled various farewells, praise, and in Needles' case, threats.

**Bus Cam: **_"I feel sorry for Ben and Gwen," Keesha said, "They not only lost their place in the race thanks to Sweet Tooth, but their RV as well! I hope their auto insurance covers being blasted off the road by a missile…"_

"All right," Chris said when the docks of San Francisco, and by extension, the United States west coast, were out of sight, "Time to show you guys where you'll be sleeping."

--

"Welcome to the Aurora Suite!" Chris said, opening the door to _the most beautiful room ever_.

It was brightly lit, with paintings on each wall. There was a big screen TV built into the wall in front of the bed, which happened to be a combination water/massage bed. There was a mini-bar that took up a whole wall, and a walk-in closet, as well as a Jacuzzi.

Everyone gawked at the royal accommodations.

"_We're _going to be staying _here_?" Wanda asked, amazed.

"No," Chris corrected, "_I'm _going to be staying here. Your rooms are nowhere near as sweet as this one."

Both Max and Needles had visions of Chris' mutilated corpse float through their heads.

"Here are the keys to your rooms on the Jack Benny deck," Chris said, handing each team a key with a Chris MacClean keychain.

"What do you think the Jack Benny deck is like?" Lindsay asked Duncan.

--

One trip down the elevator showed everyone what a Jack Benny deck was like.

It looked like a sewer, with slightly worse cleaning.

"It figures." Duncan shrugged.

As everyone went looking for their rooms, Needles made a grievous social error.

"One side, MacGruff," The killer clown grunted, dragging his bag past Sam into room 666.

A venomous growl drifted up from Sam as he watched the room door close. "Max," He said sternly, "Let's seal him in his room so he'll die a slow death."

"I'll get the cement." Max grinned.

While Sam and Max applied bricks and cement to room 666, Duncan and Lindsay were inspecting their room.

It was a dump.

Concrete walls, a bunk bed, no windows, no furniture or phones…it looked more like a prison cell than a room on a luxury cruise.

"It figures." Duncan muttered, tossing his duffle bag to the side.

Off to the side, a mushroom the size of a stool shuddered.

The other rooms, as everyone found out, were no better.

"Well, at least there's a communal bathroom at the end of the hall," Ms. Frizzle said, staying positive.

Tim glanced at the single mattress in the class's room, with various springs sticking out. "Good thing we packed our own sleeping bags," He said to Wanda.

"Well, it's not like we're going to be staying in our rooms the entire time, right?" Dorothy Ann asked, putting her bag down.

Dastardly wasn't so optimistic.

"This is an outrage," He fumed, "I'm going to give that Chris a piece of my mind!"

After Dastardly left(With a snickering Muttley following close behind), Sam and Max took a moment to admire their handy work.

"Well, all this construction work has me bushed," Sam said, dusting himself off, "I'll see you guys at the buffet. C'mon, Max."

"I think I'll go get a facial at the spa," Lindsay said, as the Freelance Police left, "And maybe a massage for my shoulders."

"We'll be at the pool," Ms. Frizzle announced, "And where are you going, Duncan?"

"Nah," Duncan replied, "I'm gonna go see if I can break the odds at the ship's casino. This looks a little too much like my cell at juvie. Later."

--

"Looks like our racers are getting settled in," Chris said, sitting in a lounger, a tropical drink in hand. "And although we should allow them the privacy to enjoy their voyage, it'd be much more fun to badger them about their deepest, most personal feelings. Like, why Drag Race?"

--

"Why did I enter Drag Race: Worldwide?" Lindsay asked. She was lying on a lounger, dressed in a robe, her hair wrapped in a towl, with face cream and limes on her eyes.

"Actually, I didn't even know about this show until Duncan called me," she confessed, "He said I was the only one that could help him win. That was _soooo_ sweet of him! I guess he really is a nice guy like Courtney said back on the Island."

--

"Sure, Lindsay's got a hot bod and her dad's got a hot rod," Duncan said. He was sitting at a blackjack table with a hand of cards. "But what really clinched it was the _money _her dad's got. I mean, I heard her sweet sixteen cost the same as a house! I figure, that money can be put to better use- for me!" Duncan chuckled nastily. "I haven't had to pay for _anything _with her on board."

--

"We were actually ordered to enter by our commissioner," Sam said. He was standing at an all-you-can-eat buffet, his plate stacked high with various foodstuffs, the top of the pile reaching his nose. Behind him, Max was putting his face behind an ice sculpture, making himself look distorted for the camera, putting on various expressions.

"Our neighborhood was experiencing a current rash of lawfulness and good cheer, and he had words to say about the excess energy the two of us had. Words like, overzealous, brutal, sadistic."

"He was reading from our contract." Max commented.

"So he put us on a paid vacation," Sam continued without missing a beat, "And entered us in Drag Race as a means of getting us out the city long enough for the law-abiding citizens to enjoy their undoubtedly short peace."

"Sam, don't say 'undoubtedly', okay?" Max asked, "The syllables in it make my metal plate itch."

"You bust me up, little buddy." Sam laughed.

--

"I entered the race as a…summer project for my class," Ms. Frizzle said. She was lying in a lounge chair by the pool, wearing a green bathing suit dotted with anchors. Next to her, Liz was lying on another lounge chair, wearing a straw hat and sunglasses.

"I wanted to give my class a more…detailed look our world," Ms. Frizzle explained, "When I heard about the race, I entered the class and I as a whole. The real trick was getting permission from the school to use the bus!"

Getting up, Ms. Frizzle went for the pool, out of the camera's sight.

"Cannonball!"

--

"When I heard about the race, I knew I had to enter. And the producers couldn't recruit a celebrity like me fast enough!" Dick Dastardly said, giving his mustache a twirl, "Though it does seem unfair for an expert such as me against these rookies."

Muttley snickered, getting bonked on the head from Dastardly.

--

On the Jack Benny deck, the camera was stationed in front of the brick wall were the door to Needles' room was.

"Hello! Is someone out there!?" Needles' voice made from behind the bricks, "Some jerk blockaded my door! I can't get out! I'm gonna kill them all! Huh? The race? Well…" Needles' voice calmed down a smidge, "I normally enter another contest called Twisted Metal. But the game's producer took a year off, canceling it. This seemed like a something to do in the mean time." Needles began to sound anxious again. "Now get me outta here, or I'll kill you!"

The camera began to slowly back away.

--

In the casino, Duncan had moved on to the craps table. He now had a substantial pile of chips.

Duncan gave the dice in his fist a good shake. "I'm bettin' it all!" He crowed, pushing the chip pile forward with his other hand. He tossed the dice onto the table, revealing a single dot on top for each die.

"Snake eyes." The dealer announced.

"No way! I want a do-over!" Duncan protested, slamming his fist down on the table.

"The house limit is three do-overs," The dealer explained tiredly. He'd been through all this before.

Duncan, however, wasn't ready to give up just yet. He made a grab for the dice. "Double or nothing!"

--

Sam and Max passed the entrance to the casino in time to see Duncan thrown out by security, hitting the adjacent wall with a thud.

"Do you think Duncan broke the odds?" Max asked.

"I'm sure he broke something," Sam replied.

"Shut up…" Duncan muttered as he slid down to the floor.

--

"Ahh…" Lindsay sighed. She was sitting in a hair salon chair, with attendants waiting on her hand and foot. "This manicure/pedicure is just what I've been wanting. I just didn't have time to do my nails right when Duncan and I were on the road, you know?"

Muttley, sitting in the chair next to her, nodded. He seemed to know exactly where she was coming from.

"I mean, I know Duncan is a delinquent, but he should know better than to rush a lady. It was always, 'Lindsay, get moving,' or, 'You've got five minutes.'" Lindsay continued, "I am _sooo _glad to have a break from all that." A thought occurred to her, "Did you and Dastardly find Chris?"

--

Chris, as it turned out, was sunning himself on the deck near the pool, clad only in a bathing suit and sunglasses.

And then a shadow fell over him.

"You're in my sun, dude," Chris said. Lifting up his shades, he got a better view of his visitor. "Hey, Dick Dastardly! What's up, man?"

"I've seen my room," Dastardly said, "And I am not satisfied! This is an insult, putting a celebrity like me in that dungeon!"

"Sorry, bro," Chris replied, "But those were the best rooms we could afford on short notice."

"And yet you get the luxury suite." Dastardly growled. He thought for a minute before an idea came to him. "If the Pope was competing, would he get something better?"

"Probably," Chris replied, setting his shades back over his eyes.

"Then give me his room!" Dastardly declared, grinning wickedly. _I'm so smart!_

"Can't, dude," Chris said.

"_Why not!?" _Dastardly yelled, unable to take Chris' attitude anymore.

The host grinned. "The Pope's using it. Duh."

--

At the pool, Ms. Frizzle's class was having a great time, splashing and swimming around. And those that weren't in the water were nearby, relaxing on poolside beach chairs.

Wanda pulled herself out of the water. "This is the life!" She said, shaking the water out of her hair, "After weeks of being in that Bus, I'm glad to be able to stretch my legs!"

"And I'm glad we don't have to worry about winning the race," Arnold said, lying on a lounger, "We can just relax and take it easy. Just look at the waves going up and down…up and down…up and down…"

Arnold suddenly covered his mouth, turning green. "Hold that thought," He said, running off.

--

"We know that this cruise is the best part of the race for our contestants so far," Chris said, "But what do you think was the _worst?_"

--

"The worst part?" Lindsay asked, thinking, "I guess it would be…"

--

"Sweet Tooth." Dick Dastardly decided.

--

"He's really insane," Max commented, "I respect that."

--

"I can't tell you how many times that psycho tried to kill us!" Duncan growled, leaning up against the wall.

--

"That man is unbalanced," Dorothy Ann said.

"I saw him talking to some paper bag as we passed him in Utah!" Phoebe commented.

--

One brick popped out, showing a pair of evil eyes.

"Finally!" Needles growled, his bloodshot eyes darting everywhere. "I hate being stuck in these small rooms! I hate it as much as not killing people!" His eyes narrowed. "But at least I'm making progress…"

--

Later, the race teams(Minus Needles) had adjourned to the ship's hot tub. Despite the large number of people, there was enough room for everybody. Sam had a bowlful of ice cream, and Arnold looked a little redder than he normally did.

Lindsay was the first to notice. "Oh my gosh! What happened to you?!"

"Arnold got a little more than the recommended dose of sunlight," Ms. Frizzle explained.

"I will never leave the shade again," Arnold moaned.

"Awww, you poor boy," Lindsay said sympathetically. She moved to give him a hug.

Arnold winced at the hotty's touch. "Ow! It hurts!"

"Really?" Lindsay blinked. "Why?"

"Sharp as bowling ball, isn't she?" Sam commented.

"My bowling ball's pretty sharp." Max responded.

"Having fun, racers?" Chris asked, walking up. "No one's gotten seasick, yet?"

Duncan rolled his eyes and fixed Chris with the meanest glare he could muster. "Look, don't have people to annoy on a _different_ show?"

"Speaking of another one of my shows," Chris said, ignoring the question, "Didn't you hook up with someone _else_ on Total Drama Island? And yet here you are with Lindsay," He tisked, "For shame."

"What, you mean Courtney?" Duncan asked, irritated by Chris' taunts. "Of course I hooked up with her. Do you think I'd bring a girl I really liked onto one of your shows?"

"Good point," Chris grinned. Then he frowned. "Say, where's Needles?"

"If we're lucky," Sam said, "He should still be stuck behind that brick wall Max and I set up."

"Oh, boys…?" An all-too-familiar voice drifted in, "Guess who's ba-ack…?"

Everyone looked quickly to the left. Needles Kane stomped in, clutching his knife.

"I've got some pent-up energy from being stuck in that room," He growled, "Let's work it out!"

Needles lunged at Sam and Max, and three began to brawl. As they tussled, they fell into the hot tub, causing everyone to scatter. As the three lunatics turned the hot tub into a battlefield, Chris stepped into view.

"Why don't we leave our racers to enjoy their vacation time in peace, and I'll see _you _when we get to China! How will our European half start out? Tune in next time for the most exciting start yet, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

--

(A/N: Sorry for taking so long. College and all… Oh, and Ud the Imp? I got your Email about Pucca…I don't think it's gonna work out. Sorry.)


	13. The Wall Thing

"Last time, on Drag Race: Worldwide!" Chris began, sitting at the table in his suite.

"Our five finalists were given a break from the rigors of the open road to enjoy a cruise on the way to China. And, sucky rooms aside, they managed to enjoy themselves!

"Lindsay and Muttley had a make-over…

"The Friz and class took advantage of the sun and hit the pool…

"And Duncan tried to break the house, which is weird," Chris commented thoughtfully, "Minors normally aren't allowed in casinos. Must've had one heckuva fake ID. Go figure.

"In a totally unseen twist, Sam showed a mean streak like never before when he bricked up the door to Needles' room. But as we all know, stone walls aren't a match for Sweet Tooth.

"We are just about to reach Asia, and the beginning of our European half of the race. Who will be the first to reach China's borders? Does Dick Dastardly have anymore dirty tricks up his sleeve? And will Arnold recover from his sunburn? Find out right now, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 13: The Wall Thing

The racers were currently in the ship's dining hall, eating breakfast at a specially reserved table. Needles, by order of the captain, who feared for the lives of the normal guests, was placed inside a special dome made of bullet-proof glass. There were air-holes and slots, so air and food could be passed through.

"Enjoying breaky, racers?" Chris asked, walking into the scene.

Duncan swallowed a mouthful of orange juice. "Yeah, amazingly."

"Good!" Chris beamed, "Because that's coming to an end, right now! Gentlemen?"

Two large men in black suits appeared out of nowhere and removed breakfast from the racers- table and all.

"The time has come for the second half of the race to begin!" Chris declared. "From the docks of Hong Kong, you must drive all the way across Eurasia to the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France. You can still go anyway you want, but there's a twist now, just to add more pressure to ya. At certain points on the nation borders will be checking stations. You need to stop off at each check point; otherwise you can't _legally_ enter the next country. I'll be waiting for you at the end, to award the winner of this race with two- count 'em- two million dollars!"

Everyone ooh'd at the amount.

"When do we start?" Sam asked.

"Right now!" Chris said. "At first, the producers thought we should give you time to pack and load your cars, but then we decided it would be way more fun to watch you bite and claw your way out. Move, move, move!"

Like cattle spooked by lightning, the racers broke into stampede than trampled the large suited men- except for Needles, who was still stuck in his box.

"Hey!" the murderer protested, "A little help? Aw, t'heck with it."

_Crash!_

Needles smashed his arms through opposing walls of the box, picked it up, and ran out. Chris watched him go, shaking his head. He then looked thoughtful.

"I probably should've told them we haven't exactly docked yet." He shrugged. "Ah well, live and learn." The camera followed Chris as he walked out through a door, leading to helicopter on the deck. "But I'm sure our racers won't be stopped by such a minor detail." Chris hopped into the chopper, raising his voice to rise above the sound of the whirling blades. "See you in Pa-ree!"

--

The racers practically flooded the halls of the ship as they charged back to their rooms. Deciding that the elevators would take too long, the racers chose to take the stairs instead. This turned out to be a bad decision, as they found themselves clogged up in the stairway. Liberation from this awkward predicament came in the form of Needles Kane, still trapped in his glass box, tumbling down the steps. His collision with the pack ironically pushed them free, causing all of them to hit the bottom of the stairs with the sound of bowling strike.

"Hey…I'm free!" Needles laughed, shaking off the last pieces of glass on him. The box had shattered in the crash.

After getting their bearings, the racers rushed to their rooms to repack as fast as possible. Amazingly enough, Ms. Frizzle's class was done first. And with their strength in numbers, they were able to dominate the run to the hanger where the cars were being kept.

--

Outside the ship, a meager five yards from the actual Hong Kong pier, a special door opened up on the wall of the _Filler_. Numerous Chinese workers stopped what they were doing to take a better look.

_VROOM!_

With a deafening roar, the Magic School Bus shot out of the ship. It landed onto the docks, sending dozens of Chinese scattering for safety behind large mountains of crates to be shipped. Not more than a second after the Bus hit the dock that the second car, the Desoto Adventurer, flew out, knocking one stack of crates over as it landed.

**Freelance Cam: **_"Timber!" Max cackled._

"_You crack me up, little buddy," Sam laughed._

As the Desoto drove off, Daddy's Ferrari flew out, actually _soaring _over the initial bystanders before hitting the pavement, sending up litter by the dozens.

Rocketing out next was the Mean Machine. Its thrust increased by the rocket boosters, the Mean Machine didn't even hit the ground once as it flew over the amazed Chinese dock workers.

As soon as the Mean Machine was out of sight, there was a brief pause.

"Do you think it's over?" One dock worker asked another, from the relative safety of a large crate.

It wasn't. The space next to ship's 'exit' ramp exploded, and from out of the smoke roared out an ice cream truck with a demonic clown head. Sweet Tooth didn't bother to try to avoid the bystanders like the other cars, merely plowing and blasting through with its guns and missile launcher.

--

"So much for Hong Kong," Chris remarked, sitting at the controls of his chopper. "Now that our racers have been unleashed onto an unsuspecting continent, what strange twists will arise? Stay tuned to find out!"

--

**Freelance Police**

The Desoto Adventurer, after leaving Hong Kong (In shambles) were currently driving across a Chinese desert.

"Max, according to the map," Sam said, one hand on the wheel, the other hand on a folded up paper, "We should be passing the Great Wall of China."

"In this desert?" Max asked, amazed, "I thought the Great Wall was on some line of mountains, or something. I read that in a book."

"A book you didn't eat or burn?" Sam asked, amazed, "Now that's a first."

--

**Mean Machine**

"I can't believe you got us lost!" Dastardly fumed, keeping a firm grip on the steering wheel.

The reason for Dastardly's annoyance was the fact that instead of a normal road, the Mean Machine was currently driving down a path through a bamboo jungle.

Muttley, looking over a map, shrugged sheepishly.

Eventually, the Mean Machine drove past what looked like a hut next to several hundred springs with bamboo poles sticking out. There was a slightly pudgy man with fat lips in a uniform sitting outside.

"Might as ask for directions here," Dastardly decided, stopping the car. Getting out of the car, Dastardly approached the Chinese. (Whom we shall call the guide.)

"You there!" Dastardly called out, "You speak English?"

"Ohhh, yes sir!" The guide replied, standing up quickly. "Speak English well enough to pass." Dusting himself off, the guide straightened his posture. "Welcome to Jusenkyo!" the guide gave Dastardly and Muttley an appraising look. "Ah, pardon me, honorable sirs, but you look not like martial artists."

"That's because we're not martial artists, 'honorable sir'," Dastardly replied sarcastically, "I happen to be a famous race car drive, currently engaged in a worldwide grand prix. I'm sure you've heard of me." At this last line, Dastardly drew himself up, basking in whatever spotlight he thought he was in.

The guide gave him an appraising look before answering. "You Dread Baron?"

"_No!_" Now Dastardly was vexed. Desperate to end this conversation and get back to the race, Dastardly got back to the point. "Can you tell us where the road to the China-Russian border is?"

"Ah, yes, sir. Border is…" That was as far as the guide got, as a loud SPLASH caught his attention. Turning his head, he saw the water settle in one of the pools…and Muttley was missing.

"Ah!" He cried, "Is very bad, sir!"

"Why?" Dastardly asked, bored, "Afraid Muttley will get dog hair in your pools?"

"Is curse of Junsenkyo, sir!" the guide explained, "When someone fall in spring, they are cursed to transform when splashed with cold water!"

"Transform?" Now the guide had Dastardly's attention, "What do you mean?"

However, before the guide could explain, Muttley pulled himself out…and he didn't look transformed.

"I should have guessed," Dastardly sighed, leaning against a bamboo sticking out of another spring. "Just another local myth."

"Ohhh, is not good idea, sir!" the guide protested, "Be very careful near…"

Splash!

"…spring." The guide finished weakly.

Muttley awaited Dastardly to pull himself out, but instead a large panda came out!

The panda(Wearing Dastardly's clothes) whipped out a sign that said, 'What is this!?'

"Is very tragic story, sir," The guide explained, "Two thousand years ago, panda fall in spring and drown. Now, anyone who fall in spring take form of panda when wet!"

'But what about Muttley!?'was written on a second sign the panda that was Dastardly said.

"Oh, he fall into 'Spring of Drowned Dog.' No problem for him."

Panda-Dastardly flipped his sign around, showing the word, 'Drat!'

**Mean Machine Cam:** _Muttley snickered, and was hit on the head from a panda paw._

**Daddy's Ferrari**

**Ferrari Cam: **_Lindsay sighed. "This is the best country we've raced through. Clear blue skies, bright sun, and the open road. These are the kind of days where nothing can go wrong."_

"Oh, everything's all wrong!" Duncan yelled, throwing his hands into the air.

"Why?" Lindsay asked, innocent as can be. "It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, what's wrong?"

"You wanna know what's wrong?" Duncan asked irritably, "I'll tell you what's wrong! We're lost on some Chinese mountain, miles away from civilization, and the engine for this stupid car just decided to die on us!"

Duncan slammed down the hood, getting his fingers in the process.

"Oww!" Duncan bit down to contain the eruption of profanity that would bump the show's rating to M. "What else could go wrong?!" He yelled at last.

"A bald guy in a bathrobe?" Lindsay asked cautiously.

This statement sounded so random and off-the-wall that it actually made Duncan forget about his physical pain.

"How would some guy in a robe make this day worse?" Duncan asked, with that feeling of foreboding.

Lindsay pointed. "Because there's one behind you."

Duncan, knowing full well he shouldn't, slowly turned around, and found a small, bald Chinese man in full Buddha robes standing behind.

The delinquent jumped back. "How did you get there?!"

"I walked." The monk (For that what he was) answered simply.

Duncan looked around. "All the way up here? _How?_"

"The temple I train at is not far away from here," the monk explained, "Come. We can help you."

Duncan and Lindsay exchanged looks.

**Ferrari Cam: **_"Okay, I admit," Duncan said, filing his nails with a jackknife, "I didn't really think a bunch of kooky bald guys could help. I figured there might be a phone so we could call a garage."_

**Sweet Tooth**

Still in Hong Kong, Sweet Tooth met with some resistance…

"Needles Kane! We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!" An amplified voice from somewhere within a vast assortment of soldiers, helicopters, and army tanks.

…Courtesy of China's armed forces.

**Sweet Tooth: **_Needles clicked his tongue. "They sent an army to get me. How flattering!"_

Undaunted, Sweet Tooth's clown head readied it's missile launcher, firing a ballistic at the center of the squadron.

**Freelance Police**

"Hey, Sam, what's that sign say?" Max asked, pointing at a billboard propped up in the desert sand.

"My understanding of the Chinese written word may not be the best, little buddy," Sam said, "But I think it says, 'Now approaching Great Wall'!"

"Oh, boy! I can hardly contain my glee!" Max squealed, bouncing in his seat.

"I told you to go at the last stop."

The Desoto continued on, driving through the desert. Eventually, they passed a large mound of dirt, propped up to vaguely resemble a barrier.

"_That's _the Great Wall?" Max asked, shocked.

"That's a bit disappointing." Sam commented.

"That doesn't look very great! And it hardly counts as a wall!" Max ranted, "I want my money back!"

"You didn't pay anything." Sam pointed out.

"Well, someone better give me money." Max grumbled.

**Magic School Bus**

"Class, we're now passing over China's Great Wall!" Ms. Frizzle announced.

"Ooh!"

The Magic School Bus had currently taken the form of a bi-plane, flying directly over China's mountains, and, like the Friz said, the Great Wall.

"So that wall goes all the way across China?" Tim asked.

Educational material!

"Actually, Tim," Ms. Frizzle explained, "It doesn't. That's just a myth. None of China's walls go right across its borders."

"None?" Arnold asked.

"You mean there's more than one?" Carlos asked.

"That's right, Carlos," Ms. Frizzle confirmed, "Over China's history, many different rulers built their own Great Walls, not just to create boundaries between them and foreign states, but as a symbol of their power and authority." Ms. Frizzle exchanged a knowing smirk with Liz. "And not all the Walls look as great as this one!"

**Freelance Cam: **_"Now she tells me!" Max snarled._

--

In Chris' helicopter, the host was studying a computer screen. "According to our Wacky-Radar, the first car is approaching the checkpoint to Russia. Let's go live, with our on-the-spot correspondent, Chef Hatchet! Chef?"

--

"Chef here, Chris," Chris' underling said, into a radio. Looking through a pair of binoculars, he said, "I'm watchin' the road, but I don't see anyone- Wait. What's that?"

"What's going on, Chef?" Chris' voice said over the radio, "Talk to me, dude!"

"Somethin's comin', man! Somethin' fast!" Chef yelled, as what looked like a massive dust ball charged up toward the checkpoint. The dust cloud stopped just in front of the check point, so close that it caused Chef to dive behind into a trashcan. When the dust settled, the car was revealed to be Daddy's Ferrari!

"Wow!" Lindsay cried, "That was sooo fast!"

"Who knew a bunch of zen-nerds could trick out an engine like this?!" Duncan laughed.

"Grrrr…"

Duncan looked up to see the imposing Chef Hatchet glaring down at them. "What's up, dude?"

--

Chris watched the whole spectacle through the Wacky-Cam. "Well, that about does it for China. Our current positions are…

"In first place, Daddy's Ferrari…

"In second place, the Magic School Bus…

"In third place, the Freelance Police…

"In fourth place, the Mean Machine…

"And in fifth place, Sweet Tooth.

"Okay, so it wasn't the most dramatic finish yet, but I still get paid," Chris chuckled, "Bonus! Tune in next time, and don't miss the next episode of **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	14. The Great Cossack Jailbreak

Chris, sitting at an outdoor café, with the Eiffel Tower in the background, took a sip from a tea cup before turning to the camera.

"Last time, on Drag Race: Worldwide," He began, "The second half of the race at Hong Kong began with a bang- several bangs, thanks to Sweet Tooth- and even though the cast managed to get separated, we still got some good TV.

"Dastardly made a splash at the cursed springs of Jusenkyo…

"And the Freelance Police found one of the less-great Great Walls of China, while Ms. Frizzle's class got the better deal." Chris grinned. "And who says these shows aren't educational, huh?

"But in the end, it was Daddy's Ferrari who made it to the next country first. Can Duncan and Lindsay keep their lead throughout Russia? Or will they be left in the cold? And can Dastardly find a cure for his new curse? Find out right now! On **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 14: The Great Cossack Jailbreak

"Welcome back," Chris said, sitting at a much more lavishly decorated monitor room. "All right, time to check up on our racers and see how they're doing. Last we looked, Duncan and Lindsay had a pretty good lead…" Chris scanned the screen, "…And they still do, apparently. But how long will it last?"

---

**Daddy's Ferrari**

"Pleeeease, Duncan?" Lindsay begged, with a 'sad puppy-dog look' on her face.

Duncan didn't even glance at her. "For the last time, no!"

"But _why?!_" Lindsay asked.

"Look, we've finally got a good lead in this funny car race," Duncan explained annoyed, "And I do not want to lose it just because you want to go shopping!"

**Ferrari Cam: **_"See, I had this great idea for a theme thing," Lindsay explained, "A new outfit for each country! Clever, right? I mean, it's soooo important to dress appropriately, right?"_

"Besides, you never wanted to buy anything in China, right?" Duncan asked.

"They didn't have anything my size," Lindsay answered, "Everything was too small. So can we please just stop and see if the stores have something I can wear?"

Duncan was about to give a very sarcastic remark for a reply, when something up the road caught his eye. "You want something to wear? Give me a minute!"

Duncan held out his hand, and suddenly had a cossack hat.

"Here," He said, tossing the furry headwear to Lindsay, "A fuzzy…russian…hat…thing."

**Ferrari Cam: **_Duncan smirked. "I figure, why pay retail?"_

Lindsay took the hat, giving it an appraising eye. "It's too big…"

Then the sound of a police siren filled the air. The teens looked at each other.

**Ferrari Cam: **_"How am I supposed to know what a Russian cop looks like!?" Duncan demanded, throwing his arms into the air._

**Mean Machine**

**Mean Machine Cam: **_"This curse is a little…unsettling, I admit," Dastardly said, twirling his mustache, "But a minor thing like this won't stop me! Panda or not, I plan to win!" Dastardly was then splashed with water. Dastardly-Panda held up a sign that said, 'Muttley!!!'_

The Mean Machine was currently parked next to a large wall. Dastardly (Now human) was holding a paintbrush.

"All right, Muttley," Dastardly began, "We've managed to get a decent lead over the others, (Don't ask me how…)" The villain cleared his throat. "But there's no reason why we can't make it last! So that means only one thing!" He held up the paintbrush and a bucket of paint. "Cheating!"

**---**

Meanwhile, Duncan and Lindsay were being escorted down a prison hallway by some burly Russians in uniform, led by a shrimpy man in a suit.

"The crrrime for stealink frrrom an officerrr is verrry severe," the suited man said, drawing out the eyes, "Yourrr sentence will be ten days with our most difficult prisoner."

Lindsay looked at Duncan with big, blue, watery eyes. "Duncan, I'm scared! Do you know what the lack of ventilation will do to my hair?"

Duncan, all too used to the prison routine, rolled his eyes. "Oh, relax. This is just one of Chris' stupid punk jobs. Remember that lame hotel thing he pulled on us in the states? This is just like that, I mean, who arrests people over a hat?"

"But what if it _isn't?_" Lindsay asked anxiously, "What if we're really being arrested?"

"Then Chris will wire us some bail," Duncan replied, "I mean, he needs us to do this show, he won't risk his precious ratings."

---

Chris was not amused.

"For the record, my 'punk jobs'" He did the fingers quote thing, "Are not lame. I lost five interns installing that hotel's trapdoors. And as for that bail, nuh-uh. They can get themselves out."

---

"Herrre is yourrr cell," The shrimpy Russian said, opening a cell door, "Yourrr cellmate we capturrred just an hourrr ago."

Duncan and Lindsay looked inside and their jaws dropped when they saw their cellmate.

It was Needles Kane.

"Hi there." Needles said, waving.

**Mean Machine**

"All right, Muttley, here comes someone! Hide the car!" Dastardly ordered.

The Mean Machine team had just painted a wall to look exactly like the entrance of a tunnel with the words 'Short Cut' at the top. That way, if someone tried to enter the 'Short Cut', they would end up crashing. That was the plan, at least…

Muttley quickly covered the Mean Machine with a pile of snow, and the duo hid behind it.

**Freelance Police**

"You know, there's nothing like the bitter Russian cold to accelerate one's heartbeat!" Max commented.

Sam driving the Desoto, said, "Don't you think it's a little cold for Russia? I mean, it's not time for snow yet, is it?"

"It's snowing every day in stereotypical Russia!" Max replied.

"You bust me up, little buddy!" Sam laughed.

They drove on, and stopped upon coming to a tunnel next to a large pile of snow.

"Look at that, Max," Sam commented, "A short cut!"

"And labeled as such in big bright letters!" Max cried, "Should we take our chances?"

"Can't think of a reason not." Sam replied.

And so, with all the restraint of a blizzard, Sam steered the Desoto Adventurer into the tunnel, so vanishing from sight.

"WHAT!?" Dastardly yelled, jumping out from behind the snow pile. "How did they do that!? Quick, after them!"

Dastardly attempted to dive into the Mean Machine- only to get stuck in the snow.

"Drat!" came Dastardly's muffled curse.

---

"Let's see how our favorite criminals- and Lindsay- are doing," Chris said, taking another sip from his coffee.

---

In the prison cell where the Russian authorities had stuck them, Duncan, Lindsay, and Needles had settled into an uneasy truce. They would stare at each other from different ends of the end of the cell. After a few minutes of this awkward pause, shown from different camera angles, Lindsay decided to speak up.

"Um…Are you going to kill us?" Lindsay asked.

"Well…As much as I'd like to," Needles admitted, "It might get me sent to a more secure prison."

"What I don't get is why you're not in a padded cell," Duncan remarked, "I mean, this is a pretty normal cell for a psychotic killer like you, isn't it?"

"From what I get, they think I'm some bank robber in a clown mask," Needles replied, "Some loser by the name of Boris the Bonzo, or something like that."

---

Somewhere in Moscow, a short, skinny little man wearing multi-colored wig with clown make-up exited a bank with a rather large sack with a ruble sign on it. Turning around, he found a large army surrounding him.

"Needles Kane!" A voice echoed out from somewhere within the force, "You are surrounded!"

Terrified beyond measure, Boris dropped the bag and held up his hands.

---

"So, how'd they catch you?" Lindsay asked, curious.

"They caught me while I was stuck in a snowbank," Needles grumbled, shooting a black look at Lindsay.

"You know, it's really great that you're not killing us," Duncan cut in, "But we're still stuck in this prison. So, any ideas?"

Lindsay frowned for a minute before smiling, as something that might be a plan came to mind. "I know! Needles can melt the bars with his head-fire!"

"I already tried that," Needles griped. "The guard caught me before I could get it warm."

Duncan rubbed the back of his head. "Okay…"

**Ferrari Cam: **_Duncan looked at the camera while cutting his nails with a jack knife. "And, as usual, I've gotta do all the thinking."_

**Magic School Bus**

The Magic School Bus, meanwhile, was having trouble making it through the snow-covered Russian roadways.

"Whoops!" Ms. Frizzle cried as the Bus nearly slid of the road while making a turn. "That was a close one!"

"There's got to be something we can do," Dorothy Ann thought aloud, "Every ice patch on the road nearly sends us off of it!"

"Maybe we could put chains on the Bus' wheels," Suggested Carlos.

The Friz and Liz exchanged looks. "Why stop there?"

Ms. Frizzle pushed a button on the Bus' dashboard…

ZHWUMP!

…And the Magic School Bus transformed into a snow plow.

"Let's go!"

**Mean Machine**

It took the duo some effort, but they managed to dig the Mean Machine out from the snow.

"Now, let's get going!" Dastardly commanded, leaping into the driver's seat. Just as he started the engine up, the Magic Snow Plow drove by- covering the Mean Machine with yet another pile of snow.

"DRAAAT!"

---

Back in prison, the unlikely alliance were going over their plan.

"…So that's the plan." Duncan finished. "Get it?"

"Got it." Needles nodded.

"Good!"

"I don't get it." Lindsay spoke up. She was ignored by the two criminals.

"So," Needles said, "The question is, how do we get the guard in here?"

"No problem," Duncan grinned. He looked at Lindsay. "Hey, look, a cockroach."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

**Mean Machine**

Dastardly looked up from the snow he was shoveling.

"Did you hear something?" He asked Muttley.

---

A guard rushed in, frantic. "What is all the noise?" He demanded.

"Help us, he's gone mad!" A wide-eyed Duncan exclaim.

"What?!" The guard cried.

True to Duncan's words, Needles now had a large amount of foam all over his mouth and cheeks. He was at the bars, shaking his head in a fast-paced back and forth manner.

The guard, confused and annoyed, marched over to where Needles was. "What are you doing? Humans can't go rabid like dogs!"

Before the guard could say anything else, Needles quickly gripped the poor Russian's throat.

"Yeah, we don't need the foam," the clown snickered darkly.

As Needles throttled the guard, Duncan went to collect his keys.

"Hey, quit shaking him!" the delinquent complained. Finally, Duncan managed to get the keys off the guard.

"Okay, let's go!" He ordered.

After taking a minute to figure out which key would undo their lock, Duncan and Lindsay were out of the cell. Needles, however, was still inside, still strangling the guard.

"Um…Needles?" Lindsay asked, unsure.

"I'll be with you in a minute!" Needles yelled back. "Just gotta finish up here!"

A wicked thought formed in Duncan's head, and a nasty smile grew on his face.

"Okay, whatever you say!" Duncan called back, mockingly, "Take as much time as you want!"

With an audible CLICK, Duncan quickly relocked the cell door. It was only until the teens were out of the room did Needles realized what happened.

"Why those little…!" Needles swore, then glared at his captive. "This is your fault!"

Needles went back to throttling the guard. When the throttling got boring, Needles began to bang the guard against bars, increasing force with each collision. After the forth clash, several bars were knocked out.

Needles stared for a moment, before grinning a shark-like smile. "Yesss!"

---

Elsewhere in the prison, Duncan and Lindsay were doing everything they could to not get caught. While they didn't, there were several close calls which did nothing to ease Duncan's blood pressure.

Throughout the entire escape, Duncan had a slight fear that the smell of Lindsay's shampoo would tip someone off. At one point, a guard stopped, sniffing the air. For a second, Duncan panicked, then calmed himself when the guard checked his armpits before moving on.

Another time was when Lindsay found a mirror in the halls and stopped to do her hair. Duncan had to go back and drag her away.

Eventually, they found their way to the garage where both Daddy's Ferrari and Sweet Tooth were being kept.

"Okay, I'll get the door open," Duncan decided, "You start the car up."

As Duncan ran to get the garage doors open, Lindsay smelled something. Something burning…

Turning around, she saw Needles right behind her.

"Hi there," the murderous clown snickered.

"EEEEK!" Lindsay screamed. Needles took a few steps back, clutching his head.

"Right in my ear!" He complained.

Not missing a beat, Lindsay took off for her car.

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_Needles rubbed the ear where Lindsay screamed. "If I need to get a hearing aid 'cause of this, I'm going to make that little ditz SUFFER before I kill her!"_

Soon, Daddy's Ferrari was burning rubber, creating steam with the friction of its tires, as it sped away from the prison, Sweet Tooth close behind.

**Mean Machine**

It had taken some effort, but at last, the Mean Machine was free from the snow.

"Let's go, Muttley!" Dastardly yelled, slamming his foot on the accelerator, "We've got a race to win!"

The Mean Machine's engines roared and the car charged straight toward the tunnel…

CRASH!

…Where it smashed spectacularly into the wall.

Muttley snickered.

---

"Looks like our teams are approaching the check point," Chris said, pointing to a spot on the Wacky Radar, "Let's go live with our special correspondent, Molotov, the champion log roller, to see who's going to cross the border first. Molotov?"

---

At the check point, a brown bear sitting in a beach chair looked from this month's issue of Vogue he was reading. Looking through a pair of binoculars, Molotov shrugged. He looked away to ruffle through a nearby picnic basket, the ground slowly began to shake. Looking up, he had just second before the Desoto Adventurer came to a screeching halt, sending up a massive pile of show into the air and onto the bear.

"That's weird, Max," Sam commented, "There's no one here! That's awfully lackluster of them."

"No one here but a poorly made snowman!" Max replied.

Under three inches of tightly packed snow, Molotov growled.

---

"Looks like that about does it for Russia!" Chris announced, "With Sam and Max in first, the rest of the line-up is…

"In second place, the Magic School Bus…

"In third place, Daddy's Ferrari…

"In forth place, Sweet Tooth…

"And last but not least, the Mean Machine.

"What madness awaits out racers as they get closer to France?" Asked Chris, "Tune in next time, to catch the most dramatic finish yet, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	15. The Old Switcharoo

Chris looked up from the self-portrait he was painting. It depicted him as Napoleon. "Last time, on Drag Race: Worldwide…

"Our racers began their trek through cold Russia, bravely fighting against the stereotypical ice and snow.

"Dastardly attempted to derail the other cars with the old fake tunnel gag, but ended up getting a snow job.

"And the Russian authorities actually managed to collar Sweet Tooth, along with our favorite delinquent, Duncan. But as we all know, iron bars are no match for the combined forces of two hardened criminals. Oh yeah, and a dumb blond.

"This week, our race will get even more twisted than usual as we go through Ukraine," Chris paused to dab a little more paint on his portrait. "Stay tuned for the most mixed-up finish yet, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 15: The Old Switcharoo

"Welcome back to Drag Race: Worldwide!" Chris said, beaming. "We started out with ten cars, and only five of them have made it this far. Our line-up is…

"In the Mean Machine, Sam and Max, Freelance Police!

"In the Magic School Bus, Duncan and Lindsay…

"In the Desoto Adventurer, Dick Dastardly and Muttley…

"In Daddy's Ferrari, Needles Kane…

"And in Sweet Tooth, Ms. Frizzle and her class!

"Confused?" Chris asked, grinning, "I hope so! See, the producers thought our racers were having way too much fun, and so, we've chosen to mix things up even more by making each team ride a different car for the country. Whoever makes it to the check point first will receive the ultimate prize: A five minute head-start! You know, after they get their original car back."

**Bus Cam: **_"Yeah, I was a little TO'd to have to swap cars at first," Duncan admitted, crossing his arms. He smirked. "Then I realized we got the one that can fly!"_

**Dastardly Cam: **_Dastardly gave his mustache a twirl. "While it is a bit of an annoyance to lose my Mean Machine, a car does not make a racer." Dastardly smiled evilly. "After all, I can cheat in any car, can't I?"_

**Freelance Cam: **_Max gave a melancholy sigh. "I wanted the ice cream truck with missile-launching action. It's not fair!"_

**Desoto Adventure**

The Desoto Adventurer, now commanded by new drivers, was currently parked somewhere near the edge of a town named Sumy. Dastardly had a large map spread out on the hood of the Adventurer.

"All right, Muttley, let's plot our course," Dastardly began. "Now, the right way would be to go left, but we're the bad guys, so that's wrong."

Muttley nodded.

"Instead, we'll go right, which is wrong, so for us, that's right."

Muttley began to get dizzy.

"So while everyone goes left, which is the right way for them but wrong for us, we'll go right, which is the wrong way! Get it?" Dastardly finished, looking down on his dog.

Muttley shook his head, smiling cheerfully. He got a fist on the head.

"Ohhh, never mind!" Dastardly yelled, fed up. "Now, come on! We have to get to the Dnieper before anyone else!"

**Sweet Tooth**

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_Ms. Frizzle gave the camera slightly concerned look. "I was a bit worried about riding in Needles' car." She said, "After all, not only is it a bit small for the class, but I hope Needles didn't leave any surprises for us. That man is quite unstable…"_

"Everyone comfy?" the Friz asked from the drivers' seat, looking back.

The entire class was squished together between the unused containers of ice cream.

"My foots asleep!" Wanda said, forced into a corner.

"Someone's touching me where they shouldn't!" Dorothy Ann called.

"I knew I should have stayed at home!" Arnold bemoaned.

Ms. Frizzle smiled sympathetically. "I know it's a tight fit, but we've got to bear it for now." The sound of police sirens filled the air. "Now what could that be?"

Pulling over, the class soon found themselves in the center of a circle formed by police cars.

"Whoa!" cried Carlos, "Who called the army?!"

"Needles Kane!" A voice over a megaphone with a European accent, "We know you are in there! Come out vith you're hands up and unarmed!"

Ms. Frizzle hopped out of the truck. "Needles isn't here!" She said.

"What?" The voice asked, confused. The back doors of the truck opened up, revealing the class and Liz.

"He's not driving this vehicle!" Keesha clarified.

"Then vhere is he?" the voice demanded.

"He's driving a red Ferrari!" Ralphie answered.

"The top's down!" expanded Tim.

"You can't miss him!" Phoebe finished.

There was a slight pause as the Ukrainian authorities took this in.

"You are absolutely sure he is not in there?" the voice asked, exasperated.

"You wanna take a look inside?" Carlos asked, gesturing towards the interior.

"No…it's okay…" The voice replied, sounding a bit subdued and embarrassed.

And on that note, the Ukrainian police force drove away.

"Well," Ms. Frizzle commented, getting back into the driver's seat. "I certainly hope that never happens again."

"How do you think Needles likes his new car?" Phoebe asked Wanda.

"I bet he loves it!" Wanda declared.

**Daddy's Ferrari**

**Ferrari Cam: **_"I _HATE _this car!" Needles screamed. "The gas mileage stinks, the seat belts itch, and it has NO missile-launcher!"_

Daddy's Ferrari, no longer under the comparatively safe control of either Duncan or Lindsay, was barreling down the road at high speed, generally signifying doom to those fool enough to drive near it. As the majority of Needles' attention was now dedicated to going through the glove compartment, the car was veering from lane to lane.

"There's gotta be something I can use…" the killer clown muttered, completely deaf to the blaring horns of passing cars. As he pulled out each item, he gave it an absentminded toss over his shoulders. "Comb…brush…nail file…hair spray…nail polish… Victoria's Secret catalogue…"

Needles was about to give that the heave-ho as well, but paused to study the centerfold girl. Seconds later, the booklet burst into flames from close contact with his head. Sighing, he went back to searching the glove compartment.

Ahead, a family of ducks was crossing the road, not really caring about the apparent impending doom somewhere down the road.

In the car, Needles slammed the glove compartment shut, hissing.

"I guess I'll just drive like everyone else," He muttered, "How can I kill anyone with this stupid heap, anyway…?"

Turning his attention back to the road, Needles saw the ducks, with the mama duck in front with the ducklings following behind in line.

Grinning nastily, he pressed down on the accelerator.

**---**

There were several quacks followed by a hideous splat and Chris winced.

"Man," He groaned, turning away, "That is one murderous dude!"

---

**Desoto Adventurer**

"All right, Muttley," Dastardly said, parking the car. "We're here."

The Desoto Adventurer was currently at the end of a bridge going across the Dnieper.

"Our plan is simple," Dastardly explained, getting out of the car. He walked around toward the trunk. "We destroy the bridge, so that the other racers can't get across! While they look for another way across the river, we'll take the lead!"

Dastardly opened up the trunk. "Now what do we have available?" he mused, digging through the junk crammed inside. "A bucket of golf balls…" He tossed it aside. "Useless! A novelty fish magnet…" He threw that away too. "Pathetic! Autographed brochures…" Dastardly was about to throw those away, but then took another look. "Oh, by Evelyn Morrison, my favorite! These, I'll keep."

**Freelance Cam: **_"Suddenly, I had this feeling," Sam said, "Like integral parts of my being were thrown asunder by an evil force to memorable to mention."_

"_Sam, don't use the word 'asunder' again, okay?" Max asked._

"There has to be something in this rubbish we can use!" Dastardly yelled, throwing his arms into the air. In his right hand was a large needle. In frustration, he threw the needle down-

POP!

-And right into the back left tire.

"Drat!" He cursed. He looked at Muttley. "Well? Get the spare and change it!"

Muttley looked around the Adventurer for a minute before going to Dastardly, shaking his head.

"There's no spare?" Dastardly asked incredulously, "Double-drat!

Then it began to rain.

Panda-Dastardly held up a sign, saying, 'TRIPLE-DRAT!'

**Magic School Bus**

"Let's see," Duncan mused, "Now how do you turn on the rocket boosters?"

Duncan was seated in the drivers, scanning the dashboard. Unfortunately, the array of buttons were not labeled, making his choice a smidge harder than he thought. Lindsay, meanwhile, was going through the glove on Duncan's orders.

**Bus Cam: **_"He said he wanted to look at the instructions," Lindsay chirped happily. Then she looked thoughtful. "but I thought he already knew how to drive…"_

"Eeny, meeny, mynie…this one." Duncan pushed down a big red button, and the bush began to change.

ZHWOMP!

The Bus now had a large drill coming out of its hood.

"Okay, not that one," Duncan shrugged. He pressed another button. "Maybe this one…"

EEWOMK!

The Bus no longer had a drill on the nose (writing figuratively), but it now looked like someone tried to combine an old-fashioned alarm clock with school bus.

"Oh…kay," Duncan said, bewildered. "I have no idea what this is… some kind of time machine?"

Duncan pulled a lever, and the Bus vanished…

_70 million BC._

…and reappeared in what looked like a harsh and exotic jungle…with a herd of large dinosaur bearing down on them!

"AAUUUGHH!" Duncan screamed. (Lindsay was too occupied with the glove compartment to notice) He began to fiddle with the controls. "Reverse! Reverse!"

_Present time._

The Bus reappeared back on the modern Ukraine roadways, completely normal.

"Okay, I give up," Duncan groaned, resting his head against the steering wheel.

"Oh my gosh!" Lindsay cried excitedly. "Look what I found!"

"What is it?" Duncan asked quickly, "A user's guide?"

"Nooo," Lindsay answered. "It's a teacher's guide! Look," She began to read from the little notebook. "'the Dnieper river flows into the Black Sea.' I did not know that!"

Duncan decided now would be time for a good glare. "Wow, that sounds so interesting," he started sarcastically, "If I wanted to learn something! Who cares about some stupid river!?"

Duncan had his full attention on figuring out the Bus' controls and then Lindsay, and thus, did not notice that the Bus had gone off-road. At least, he didn't notice until the Bus drove right into the Dnieper.

SPLASH!

"Okay! I care!" Duncan repented in alarm," I care!"

Regardless of ay of the teens' pleas, the Bus was swept away…into the Black Sea.

**Mean Machine**

**Mean Machine Cam: **_"Driving Dick Dastardly's car was certainly an unusual experience," Sam said, "It felt weird using a steering wheel Max hadn't chewed on, and I felt this strange urge to sabotage the other racers with cheesy, overused plots."_

"Bored, Max?" Sam asked the self-proclaimed lagomorph. The rabbity kinetic thing was shivering in his seat in a manner that didn't suggest he was cold.

"Naw, just felt like vibrating." Max answered, his voice sounding a little distorted from his vibrating.

"Well, cut it out, it's destracting," Sam ordered, "Here; play with the array of unlabeled buttons instead."

"Yay!" Max with his full attention (However short it may be) on the buttons, ceased shaking and began to randomly push big red buttons. "Button, button, who's got the button?"

The first button Max pushed caused the windshield wipers to start up.

"That would be useful, if it was raining." Sam commented.

The next button caused a river of tacks to pour out of the exhaust pipe.

"Oh boy! Pointy, sharp things!" Max squealed.

"Too bad none of the other cars are directly behind us." Sam put in.

The third button caused a small cannon to pop out of the hood.

"Ooh!" Max clapped his hands happily. "Artillery! Can I fire it?! Can I!?"

"Can't think of a reason not to," Sam commented. "Let 'er rip."

**Dastardly Cam: **_"I just hope that stupid dog and rabbit don't try to fire my cannon," Dastardly huffed, "The targeting on that thing's been bent for ages! Who know what they'll hit?"_

With an excited snicker, Max grabbed the joystick that controlled the direction of the cannon's fire. Not bothering to aim, Max slammed his thumb on the 'fire' button, numerous times.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Each cannonball flew off into a different direction.

"Say, not that it matters at the moment," Sam commented, "But what were you aiming at?"

"Nothin', I just wanted to hear the noise," Max replied earnestly.

"Where do you supposed those random cannonballs will land?" Sam wondered.

"Nowhere we can see," Max answered.

**Sweet Tooth**

The class was currently stopped by yet another Urkrainian officer, as a cannonball hit the clown head.

Clang!

"What was that?!" Arnold asked, looking around.

---

Back in the state of Missouri, USA, the Sheriff was inspecting his newly repaired patrol car.

"Looks good as new," The Sheriff chuckled, patting where a dent had been. "Can't even tell a pair of dumb kids rammed into it…"

It was at that moment that a cannonball fell from the sky and onto the hood.

"Tarnation!" the Sherrif cried in alarm.

---

Back where Chris was, a cannonball hit the space next to him, creating a small crater upon impact.

"Whoa!" Chris cried.

**Mean Machine**

Laughing manically, Max began to twist and tilt the joystick every-which way, madly pressing the fire button over and over. As such, the cannon began to fire at any and everything in sight.

"Yes, world! Fear me!" Max cackled, "Fear me and my mighty cannonball army! HAHAHA!"

"You bust me up, little buddy!" Sam laughed.

**Destoto Adventurer**

"No spare, no pump, no patch," Dastardly grumbled, pouring a kettle of hot water on himself. "What do we do now?"

Muttley shrugged. Just then, the Mean Machine passed by, with the cannon still firing. Dastardly pointed, shaking with fury. "Muttley! They used OUR CAR to pass us! We have to do something!"

Muttley gave him a look that said, 'like what?'

"I don't know!" Dastardly huffed, crossing his arms. "All we have that might be remotely useful in this useless car is three thousand match heads! What can we do with that!?"

Muttley frowned, pondering their predicament. Then an idea came to him.

**Magic School Bus**

Adrift at sea was not a new experience for Duncan, having been washed away from Wawanakwa after a particularly bad rainstorm. As such, he handled the situation with relative calm.

Lindsay, however, was not so professional.

"We're gonna die!" She sobbed, her thick skull having realized that there was only so much oxygen underwater.

"No, we're not," Duncan insisted, really wishing she'd shut up and let him think.

"We are!" Lindsay whined, "We're gonna die, and hundreds of years later archeologists will find our skeletons and think we're pirates!"

Now utterly broken, Lindsay began to bang onto the Bus' controls in a desperate attempt to channel her misery into physical force. On her fifth strike, she hit a big red button marked, 'Didn't you press this before?'

ZHWOOP!

The Bus had become a submarine!

"All right! Now this is what I'm talkin' about!" Duncan laughed, sliding into the driver's seat. "Wait to go, Lindsay!"

"Yeah!" Lindsay cheered, hopping up. "Way to go, me! …What'd I do?"

**Mean Machine**

"Are you absolutely sure this will work?" Dastardly asked the dog for the hundredth time.

For the hundredth time, Muttley nodded. Muttley's 'plan' (And Dastardly used the term loosely) was to stuff the Desoto's muffler with the match heads, that when ignited, would provide the Adventurer with enough thrust to rocket to the checkpoint.

WARNING! It is advised for our younger and dumber viewers to not attempt this at home. Dick Dastardly and Muttley are experienced professionals, with years of training. FreshTV will not take any responsibility if any of you are dumb enough to imitate these two guys.

"Well, here's hoping," Dastardly muttered, lighting the fuse.

BAKAKAKA-BOOOOM!!!

**Sweet Tooth**

"What was _that?_" Arnold asked, looking around.

"Do you think it was Needles?" Dorothy Ann asked, concerned.

"How? All of his weapons are in here," Tim glanced at a cabinet marked (In an eerie red ink) 'high-explosives' "I think." He amended.

"Maybe he got it from those cops we gave the weapons in here to." Ms. Frizzle suggested thoughtfully.

"Yeah, we gave those guys everything," Carlos laughed, "Except what was in the missile launcher." With that, he leaned against a joystick sticking out of the control panel. Unfortunately, this caused the launcher to fire a missile into the air.

"Carlos!" everyone cried in dismay.

---

"Looks like everyone is having fun, huh?" Chris asked rhetorically. Thinking about it, he said, "Well, everyone except for the people of Ukraine. But sadly, it must now come to an end."

---

The people of Ukraine, as one, cheered.

---

Chris pointed to a computer screen. "Our Wacky-Radar is showing our racers approaching the check point, and boy, are they _moving!_ Let's go to our correspondent at the scene! Our special guest from Total Drama Island, iiiiit's Eva!"

---

"Yeah, it's me," the angry girl muttered, looking through a telescope. "Now, shut up! I'm trying to concentrate!"

---

"Sheese," Chris grumbled, "Take a pill already."

---

"All right, I see someone coming," Eva muttered, "…It's that crazy teacher and her class in that ice cream truck!"

Sure enough, it was Sweet Tooth coming up the road. However, just before it reached the check point, an speeding hunk of flaming metal fell from the sky, crashing past the pike on the check point, skidding to a halt a few yards down.

"What the heck was that!" Eva growled, not appreciating being surprised like that.

It was the Desoto! Dazed and smoking, Dastardly and Muttley fell out of the wreck.

"See, I told you it would work…" Dastardly moaned, a silly grin on his charred face.

Eva, a look of fury on her face, stomped over to him. Dastardly looked at her in confusion.

"Did I win?" He asked, still dazed.

"Yeah. Congratulations." Eva sneered. She reached back and dumped some water on him.

SPLASH!

"What the-!?" Dastardly sputtered, coming out of his shock. Then he noticed something. "I'm not a panda!"

"This package came in for you from China," Eva explained, "Some kind of magic water from a guide of some spring. Instructions said to soak you in the stuff." She glared at the camera. "Am I done!?"

---

"Done indeed, Eva!" Chris confirmed, visibly glad not to be around the angry girl. "Tune in as our racers return to their original cars, next time, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	16. Things that go Bump under the Tires

Chris, standing on a sidewalk with the Eiffel Tower in the background, said, "Last time, on Drag Race: Worldwide…

"The trip through Ukraine proved to be a little stranger than usual, and not because we had our racers swap cars." Chris thought for a minute. "Okay, that's totally the reason why. But it was fun!

"Needles found Daddy's Ferrari, while it upped his 'street cred', proved to be incapable of satisfying his murderous needs, and Max found the Mean Machine's cannon. Need I say more?

"In the end, however, it was Dick Dastardly and Muttley who made it to the check point first, just in time for some magic water from China to free Dick from his curse, as well as earning him and Muttley a five minute head-start into the next country, cause, you know they need it.

"What fresh horrors await our racers now that they've got their cars back?" Chris asked, grinning from ear to ear with a smile that said, 'Uh oh, what's he thinking?' "Find out right now, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 16: Things that go Bump Under the Tires

"Welcome, to what may be our scariest episode to date," Chris began, waving his hands a bit. "As you well know, Dick and Muttley won a five-minute head-start over the other racers. However, considering the territory they'll have to cross, driving the first car in might not be the best thing…" Chris' eyes narrowed, and the lights dimmed, giving his face an eerie complexion. "For you see, our racers' course will take them straight through _Transylvania, _the spookiest place on Earth!"

**Dastardly Cam: **_"Was I scared? Not at all!" Dastardly said confidently, "We all know those stories about Dracula and Frankenstein are just that- stories."_

**Mean Machine**

Night had fallen- permanently, it seemed- as Dastardly and Muttley drove down the road. There were trees on both sides of the road, blocking the sky with their branches. Spooky yellow eyes seemed to be everywhere, staring- at the Mean Machine.

Muttley couldn't be more nervous. As a dog, he had an acute sense for danger- or was that earthquakes?

There was a howl in the air, substantially muffled by the sound of the car engine. However, Muttley's dog-hearing managed to pick it up, and the mutt yelped in surprise.

"Stop doing that, Muttley!" Dastardly ordered, "There's nothing to worry about. This is just another road- it's not haunted!"

---

Not too far away from where the road the Mean Machine was on, there was a very lonely ghost. A stereotypical ghost, the size of a Chihuahua, merely a white blob that had arms, hands(No fingers…just flaps), and eyes and a mouth, wearing a little top hat. He laid on a tree branch, unable to rest in peace.

"I'm so bored," the little ghost sighed. He looked around. "I said, 'I'm so bored!"

Nothing.

"Gee," the Ghost sighed, "Usually, something would have happened by now…"

The Ghost's attention was caught by the sound of an engine running. Looking around, he saw the Mean Machine speed by.

"Cool…" he murmured, a disappeared.

**Magic School Bus**

The Magic School Bus was currently parked outside of what was apparently some kind of inn in a quaint Romanian village. The class was getting hungry, so 'the Friz' thought now would be a good time to make a pit stop, and maybe get some directions.

As the class entered the building, Arnold looked at the sign hammered to the top of the door.

APPARENTLY SOME KIND OF INN

**Bus Cam: **_"Boy," Arnold remarked, "The people here are way too literal around."_

Inside the building was a tavern-like setting, with all kinds of people seated all around. There was a thin amount of smoke in the air, from pipes being puffed, as well some lively conversation being carried.

Which came to an abrupt end when Carlos let the door slam behind him.

The current patrons stared at the new arrivals. Ms. Frizzle's class stared back.

"Gooood evening!" Ms. Frizzle said cheerfully, putting out her most inviting smile. No one smiled back, except for this one guy in the corner.

After a minute of awkward silence, the bartended pointed to the camera. "What's that for?"

"It's for the show," Phoebe answered softly.

"Show?" the barkeep asked quizzically, "What show?"

"This reality show," Ms. Frizzle explained, "We're on Drag Race: Worldwide!"

"We're on television?!" Now the barkeep sounded excited. Straightening his posture, he said, "For great food, and good service, come to Apparently Some Kind Of Inn, located at the edge of A Quaint Romanian Village. Our hours are…"

---

"You know," Chris commented, with a sour look on his face, like a child who's just been told he can't have dessert, "Considering what advertising normally costs, it burns me up when someone tries to plug their own business for free."

---

After food had been ordered and served, and the inn's level of conversation had picked up,, Ms. Frizzle decided now would be a good time to ask for directions.

"You can get to the FreshTV checkpoint by going through the Dark Forest, can't you?" She asked the barkeep.

Once again, all conversation halted.

"You cannot go through the Dark Forest at night!" the barkeep cried, "_She _is there!"

"Who?" Asked Ralphie.

"Hold on." The barkeep motioned to the camera. "You- give me a close-up-" _Wrrr. _(Camera focusing on the barkeep.) "There we go- _Madame Z!!!_"

The class wasn't so scared(except for Arnold, who was always nervous on a field trip) as they were confused.

"What do you suppose this 'Madame Z' is like?" Keesha asked Wanda.

"I don't know," Wanda answered, "But she can't be half as evil as Chris."

---

"I'm gonna let that one slide," Chris commented sullenly.

**Sweet Tooth**

Currently, Sweet Tooth had a flat tire.

Unfortunately, the spare also had a flat.

Luckily, there was 7-Eleven nearby.

Unfortunately, it was on the other side of a graveyard.

Sighing, Needles strapped a chainsaw, complete with eerie red stains on the blades, over his shoulders, and hiked over to the gas station. Oddly enough, nothing happened. Looking over his shoulder back to the graveyard, Needles entered the store.

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_"Yeah," Needles said, wielding his chainsaw-o-doom, giving it a good buzz, "I figured I was due for a zombie attack."_

**Daddy's Ferrari**

Daddy's Ferrari was driving peacefully under the Transylvanian night sky, and so far nothing bad had happened.

"Oh my gosh," Lindsay commented, "We're almost through Romania, and nothing bad's happened!"

**Ferrari Cam: **_Duncan rolled his eyes. "Cue the disaster."_

Duncan rolled his eyes. He then noticed. "What's that?"

'That' was a pale young woman in gothic apparel, on the side of the road, sticking her thumb out in the air.

Duncan, despite knowing it was probably a bad idea, stopped for her. "Need a lift, beautiful?"

"Just to the next town," the lady said, "I don't suppose that's where you're going, is it?"

"Oh my gosh!" Lindsay cried, "That's just on the way to the checkpoint!"

"Lindsay, take the back," Duncan said, jerking his thumb to the back seat, "Let the lady have shotgun."

As Lindsay climbed back, the lady sat down in her seat. "My name is Tabitha," She said, "And thank you _so_ much for your help."

She smiled, her teeth shining in the moonlight- especially her oversized canines.

**Ferrari Cam: **_"Alone in the dark with two hot girls," Duncan chuckled at first, before frowning. "Too bad one of them's an idiot, and the other's a vampire!"_

**Freelance Police**

"You're lost, aren't you?" Max asked.

"I am not lost," Sam replied, "being lost implies that you don't know where you are. I know exactly where I am."

"In denial?" Max asked, his grinning a toothy grin.

"You know, you've gotten pretty vindictive in the time we've been in Romania." Sam commented, a bit put off by Max's remark.

"I'm just a little depressed," Max admitted, "It's been six days since we crossed the border, and I haven't seen the sunshine since. Why is that?"

"Well, Max," Sam began, and Max steadied himself for a long-winded monologue. "As you know, the public image for Transylvania is a dark castle on a dark and stormy night. And since we live in a 'go with the flow' society, the country as a whole must have caved in to peer pressure."

---

Chris exchanged looks with Chef Hatchet. "Wow, now that's a spooky theory."

"The forces of Nature losin' their free will?" Chef asked, his eyes going wide, "That'd be the end of the world right there!"

**Sweet Tooth**

Needles left the 7-Eleven with a spare tire under his arm. As he took his first step onto the graveyard, multiple rotting cadavers erupted from the earth.

Zombies!

Unaffected, Needles pulled out his chainsaw and started it up.

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_A zombie that looked even more mutilated than what should be natural looked at the camera and said, "That man scares me."_

---

Chef and Chris cringed and looked away as the carnage started on the off-screen monitors.

"That," Chef said, "Is some serious chainsaw action."

Chris tugged at his collar. "Maybe we should see how Tricky Dicky is doing."

**Mean Machine**

Currently, the Mean Machine had a flat tire, Luckily, they had a spare.

Unfortunately, Muttley kept having this eerie feeling that someone, or _something_ was behind him.

"Muttley get the spare out," Dastardly ordered.

Muttley saluted, and went to retrieve the spare tire. He didn't notice that the Ghost was right behind him. Just as he got the spare in his arms, he felt that eerie feeling again. Looking behind him, all he saw was a top hat floating in mid-air. Muttley, unconcerned, turned back to the task at hand. He raised an eyebrow, and looked again. The hat was still there, but this time it had a Ghost wearing it. Muttley turned away, and his eyes widened. Howling in terror, Muttley dropped the tire and dove into Dastardly's arms.

"Muttley, what- OOF!" Dastardly was caught off-guard, and as he was knocked down by Muttley, his foot kicked out, hitting the carjack out from it's position under the car, causing the Mean Machine to fall over.

CRASH!

"_Muttley!!!"_ Dastardly's angry roar caused several crows, ravens, and bats to fly out from the trees.

**Daddy's Ferrari**

As Daddy's Ferrari drove down the Transylvanian roadways, Tabitha engaged Duncan in conversation.

"So… Duncan, was it?" Tabitha began, staring at his neck. "Are you…all alone in the world?" Her eyes seemed to shine.

"Nope," Duncan replied with a trace of humor in his voice. "There's Lindsay in the back seat."

Tabitha chuckled. "Oh? Is _she _your girlfriend?"

"Nah!" Duncan dismissed, "I wouldn't bring the girl I liked _into_ this race. She's just here to pay for stuff."

"So…" Tabitha looked him directly in the eye. "You are…uninhibited?"

Duncan, dispite his efforts not too, found himself trapped in the staring contest. "Uhh…

"Do you who's _really _uninhibited?" Lindsay broke in from the back, "Izzy. Remember her from Total Drama Island? She was soooo uninhibited! And I didn't know what uninhibited meant at the time! Like I was telling Lashawna…"

Like a flash of light in darkness, Lindsay's inane blather broke whatever spell was cast on Duncan. The delinquent in question quickly turned his attention back to the road, grinning at the annoyed look on Tabitha's face.

**Ferrari Cam: **_"Yeah, Lindsay's annoying," Duncan confided, filing his nails with a jack knife. "But hey, if her yakking keeps my neck bite-free, I can handle it."_

---

Arnold was scared. After leaving the Inn, he had fallen asleep inside the Bus. When he had woken up, he found himself in a Dark Forest…alone…unsupervised.

"Hello?" He called out, walking around. "Ms. Frizzle? Carlos? Dorothy Ann? Liz?"

He was inches away from being nervous (His normal state of mind on a field trip) and a state of hysterical panic when he saw a campfire from behind some bushes. Upon further inspection, he found a tent and an old gypsy woman at the edge of the fire.

"Can I help you, child?" The aging woman asked, not looking away from the fire.

Caught, and not brave enough to run back into the unfamiliar wilderness, Arnold stepped up to the fireplace, opposite of the gypsy, and sat down.

A strange conversation ensued…

"So my class and I were in this drag race," Arnold explained.

"And it goes around the world?" the gypsy asked.

"It's also on TV," Arnold put in.

"Hmm," the gypsy hummed. "So you are in a Drag Race that's being televised Worldwide…"

"Are you okay?" Arnold asked, concerned.

"Would you like some water?" the gypsy asked suddenly, pulling out a glass.

"Huh? Oh, no thanks…" Arnold declined, now more than concerned.

The gypsy wasn't about to give up, though. Her eyes became spinning red spirals. "_This _water will do wonders for you!" she proclaimed, "You have fame! Fortune(Cookies)! Try it!"

Arnold, now completely under whatever spell she was casting, grabbed the glass out of her hands and practically _inhaled_ the water.

Nothing happened.

Then, the gypsy began to pull at her face. To his surprise, and horror, it began to stretch! It was a mask!

**Bus Cam: **_"That was, without a doubt, the most terrifying moment of my young life!" Arnold moaned._

With a final pop, the mask came off, revealing that he gypsy's head was actually…

A giant Z!!!

"What are you!?" Arnold screamed, backing away.

"I am… Madam Z!" the letter-headed gypsy declared.

Before Arnold could flee, Madam Z grabbed his shoulders and pulled him in very close.

"You belong to me, now!" She hissed, "You're past, you're present, you're future, you're…you have some broccoli stuck between your front teeth, do you know that?"

"Arnold…Arnold…"

"Aaaah!" Arnold cried, waking up. Looking around, he saw he was in the Bus. Ralphie and Tim were standing over him.

"You looked like you were having a nightmare," Tim said.

"What…happened?" Arnold asked, sitting up.

"We were lost in the woods," Ralphie explained, "But it's okay, now."

"Really?" Arnold asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah," Tim continued, "We got directions from some old gypsy lady."

Arnold sat straight up.

**Freelance Police**

Max pointed. "Look, Sam, there's someone you can ask for directions. Go!"

"I don't need directions," Sam insisted, "But if it'll keep you from bugging me, I'll stop anyway."

The Desoto parked next to a man, who seemed to be shaking and sweating profusely. Sam poked his head out the window.

"Hi, stranger!" he greeted cheerfully, "We're two guys who know where we're going…"

"Says you!"

"…And we were wondering if there's a faster way to get to the Romanian border." Sam continued.

"You…You can't be near me!" The man cried mournfully, "The full…the full moon approaches! And when it comes…I will no longer be safe to be around!"

"That's okay; we're not safe to be around 24/7." Max replied.

"You don't understand!" The man wailed, "When the moon phase makes a full circle, I transform, and…GRRRR!"

---

Chris and Chef looked away from the screens as the sounds of carnage filled the air.

"That's another scene we'll never get past the censors," Chris remarked.

---

"It sure was nice of that man to tell us about this shortcut," Sam commented, driving the Desoto along.

"I think he gave me a boo-boo," Max remarked, staring at a scratch on the back of his hand, "Will you kiss it to make it feel better?"

"Not on your life, little buddy."

Max sniffed the scratch. "You think that guy was a werewolf, or something?"

"If he was, you'd be one too, since he bit you," Sam replied, "And with the full moon out, you'd be undergoing a graphic transformation sequence."

Suddenly, and without Sam's notice, Max's eyes bulged out and he began to vibrate.

"For example, you're hair would be growing out…" Sam continued.

Max's fur began to get shaggy…

"You're shark-like teeth would soon get even more pointy…"

Max's canines lengthened…

"And your adorable little paws would become horrific claws!" Sam finished.

Max stared at the points that were appearing at the end of his fingers.

"But we all know that's a load of bull," Sam laughed. "Right?"

"Ahhh-wooooo!"

**Freelance Cam: **_"Those who suffer from the curse of the werewolf transform into vicious, blood-thirsty monsters," Sam stated, "For Max, the change is merely cosmetic."_

**Daddy's Ferrari**

In the car, Tabitha was not a happy vampire. Every attempt she made to mesmerize Duncan ended up being spoiled by the oblivious Lindsay, who didn't seem to have a clue what was going on.

**Ferrari Cam: **_"I must be rid of her," Tabitha declared._

However, Lindsay was much more concerned for her new friend's (In her blissfully blank mind) hands than she was for the fact that Duncan was in constant danger of being vamp'd.

"Wow, your hands looked so dry," Lindsay noted. She pulled out some lotion. "Here, try this!"

Tabitha applied some lotion. When she was finished, Duncan had pulled the car into a gas station.

"Okay, anyone need to go?" Duncan asked, staring pointedly at Tabitha.

"Oh, I have to!" Lindsay squealed, hopping out, "I've been holding it in since Ukraine! Be right back!"

As Lindsay ran off, Duncan turned his attention to Tabitha. "I guess this is where you get off, fangs."

Unfortunately, Tabitha was smiling. Bad sign.

"Why leave?" She purred, her eyes shining, "When there's sooo much to do here…"

'Uh, oh!' Duncan thought frantically, 'First rule of vampire chicks, don't make eye-contact! Must break away…must break away…' Something caught Duncan's nose. "Do you smell anything burning?"

Tabitha's eyes widened, and she held up her hands.

They were burning!

Screaming in pain, Tabitha fled into the night. Watching her go, Duncan couldn't help but raise an eyebrow.

"Well, that was freaky." Rubbing his chin thoughtfully, Duncan quickly read the bottle of lotion's label. "Let's see…'Castlevania hand ointment; contains 100 percent all-natural ingredients, including but not limited to…garlic.'"

"I'm back!" Lindsay announced. She looked around. "Where's Tabitha?"

Duncan watched as a screeching bat flew up into the night sky. "She had to catch a flight."

---

Chris was taking a sip of his coffee when the monitors began to flash and beep.

"Looks like one of the cars is nearing towards the checkpoint," He announced, "And to give us that on-the-spot coverage, working off his community service, it's the Insane Psycho Killer with a Chainsaw and a Hook! See anything yet, Killer?"

---

"I don't see a thing. Period." The Psycho announced, looking through a pair of binoculars. "I mean, it is sooo dark out, I can't see my hand in front of my face! And these flashlights you gave me- Puh-leeze! A lit match would provide more illumination!"

---

"Sheese, take a pill, man," Chris grunted, crossing his arms, "We couldn't afford better light, used up our budget hooking up cameras all over the world."

---

"Okay, I see a pair of headlights…" The Psycho muttered, "Wait a second, they're not slowing down! Holy crap, they're gonna-!"

Before he could finish, the Desoto Adventurer blasted through, with Sam and Were-Max highway surfing on top. After they were gone, the Psycho crawled out from the wreckage, holding his head with his good hand.

"Can I please go back to prison?" He whined before fainting. Afterwards, the other cars sped past him.

---

"Okay, sure wish we had a better view of that." Chris commented. "One more country down, and one step closer to France, as our finalists get even closer to the big finish! For more off the wall racing action, tune in next time, to **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	17. Château Les Faillite

Chris was sitting on a park bench with a lake in the distance. "Last time, on Drag Race: Worldwide…

"Or racers found themselves in the _slightly_ creepy stereotypical Transylvania. And by slightly, I mean, scary as heck! Ghosts were just some of the spooky stuff our racers had to put up with!

"Duncan nearly got necked- in a bad way.

"Needles had that zombie battle that just had to happen…

"And in the end, it was the Freelance Police that made it to the border, scaring another psycho killer.

"Today, we do something a little different," Chris continued, "We give our finalists some privacy and focus on the failures! Where did they go, what have they been doing, and how do they feel? Find out today, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 17: Château Les Faillite

Chris was now standing at the door of a luxurious manor.

"Welcome to Chateau Les Faillite," He began, "This is where the slowpokes who didn't get to 'Sisco fast have been staying since we sent the finalists to China. This twelve room mansion is furnished with all the needs of a good multi-million resort, including but not limited to…

"An outdoor, Olympic pool, complete with a high dive, regular dive, and waterslide…"

With a giddy laugh, Ben jumped off the diving board into the pool splashing Hair Bear, who was relaxing poolside. The bear was not amused.

"A rec room, containing only the finest home entertainments…"

Tokkori was busy swinging his wings everywhere as he played a Nintendo Wii. After a minute, a voice from the tv screen said, "Game over." In frustration, the little green flung the Wiimote at the TV.

"And, a fully stocked kitchen, armed with the latest in cooking technology."

In the kitchen, Square Bear and Kirby waited patiently before a working microwave. There was a ding, and Square pulled out a fully cooked meat on a bone. Square eagerly tossed it in the air and held his mouth open, but before the meat could reach it's intended destination, Kirby opened _his _mouth and sucked it up. After swallowing, Kirby reached into his mouth and pulled out a clean bone, which he gave to a flabbergasted Square.

"And it's only a stone's throw from Paris!" Chris finished, "If you're a major league baseball player, that is!"

---

Outside on a beach chair, Gwen was reading a book.

"After we fished the Rustbucket out of the river," Gwen explained, looking up from her book, "They stuffed all of us onto a plane and flew us to this great house. Grampa's been doing the repairs round the clock, trying to get it back into shape. Ben and I help out too…sometimes." She went back to her book.

---

Hong Kong Phooey inside, admiring some paintings.

"This place is the best!" he said, "Man-O-riffic! I bet everything here costs as much as king's ransom!" He began to look around. "Anyone seen Spot? I lost track of him an hour ago."

---

Underneath a window, Spot lay flat on his back, lying in the middle of a sunbeam.

---

Freakazoid was playing a pinball game when he realized the camera was on him.

"You know, I was very surprised when they sent us here." He explained. "I thought we were going to be shipped back to our homes."

_Freakazoid stepped out of the FreshTV plane and looked around. All about was the tell-tale signs of French culture._

"_Hmm, let's see. Berets, passionate lovers, the Eiffel Tower…" Freakazoid thought for a second, "This can mean only one thing…We've landed in Africa!"_

"I should have guessed," Freakazoid continued, "Reality shows always stick the losers in some big resort till the end!"

---

"Hey, Spot? Spot?" Hong Kong called out, walking around. His search for his striped cat had not yielded any results, and so he was in the Château library, aimlessly calling out.

Eventually, Hong Kong slumped into an easy chair. "Boy, who knew walking around the mansion would be so tirin'?" He then noticed a colorful book on the adjacent side table. "What's this?" Picking up the book, he read the title. "Why, it's a Japanese comic book! Translated for our convenience into…French." Shrugging, he read the title. "'Dragon Ball Z…pictures look nice enough."

And without any idea what he was getting himself into, Hong Kong flipped open the book and began to read…as best as he could. Japanese translated into French made for an unusual read.

---

In the garage, Grampa Max was working on the Rustbucket's engine.

"How's it going, Gramps?"

Grampa turned around to see Ben at the entrance, clad in his bathing suit, a towel over his shoulders.

"Pretty good," Grampa replied, "I just finished on the engine." He slammed the hood down. "At least now we can drive again."

Ben sighed and leaned against the wall.

"What's wrong, Ben?" Grampa Max asked.

"I'm still upset that Chris let Needles take our spot in the race," He grumbled, "We got to the Golden Gate Bridge first!"

"Yeah, then Sweet Tooth blasted us off the road." Grampa Max replied.

_-Flashback-_

"_You're too late, dude," Chris said, "We've already got our final five."_

_Needles frowned, but that frown turned into a smile. An evil smile. "Hold that thought."_

_The flame-topped clown pulled his head back inside his ice cream truck._

"_What do you suppose he's doing?" Max asked._

"_Well, he's a psychotic murderer with no appreciation for life in general. What would you do?" Sam replied._

"_Make some room on the starting line."_

_The clown head on Sweet Tooth then fired a missile- at the Rustbucket!_

"_Yeah, like that." Max grinned._

"_The Rustbucket!" Ben cried, his eyes widening. The RV was blasted off the Bridge, hitting the water in a burning metal heap._

_-End Flashback-_

"But there's nothing we can do about it now," Grampa Max reminded, "With the RV busted, we were officially out of the race. So stop complaining and enjoy yourself." He spread his arms out. "We're at a classy manor just south of Paris! People would give their right arm to be us."

Ben smiled in spite of himself.

"Now that I'm done, why don't I show you how to play snooker in the rec room?" Grampa suggested.

---

In the rec room itself, Tokkori and Bubi Bear were playing pinball. At one point, Tokkori shook the pinball machine in a fury. Immediately, the words TILT lit up, and a large mallet descended onto the green bird's noggin.

Bong!

---

"Why did I enter Drag Race?" Asked Hong Kong, looking up from his book, "I thought it would be a cool thing to try. I mean, there hasn't been much crime in the city, lately, which is good, but pretty boring for a super hero."

---

"Got us out of the Wonderland Zoo," Hair Bear remarked, sunning himself, "A pretty nice vacation idea, wasn't it though?

---

Kirby, looked up from the watermelon he was inhaling. "Poyo? Poyo-poyo. Poyoyoyo poyo. Poyo poyo poyo."

Chris grimaced. "Right…whatever you say. So what part of the race did you really enjoy? What were the good parts?"

---

Bubi Bear looked confused. "There were good parts?"

---

Gwen sighed. "If there were any good parts, I wouldn't know," She remarked, "We spent most of the race being shot at by Sweet Tooth!"

---

"I loved the part when I clogged Sweet Tooth's cannon!" Ben laughed.

_Stinkfly gulped when he saw the cannon. "That's trouble," An idea then hit him. "Or is it?"_

_Taking a big breath, Stinkfly launched the mother of all goo-balls at the clown head's cannon. By some mind-boggling coincidence, the goop hit the missile launcher just a Needles hit the trigger. The effect was near-instantaneous._

_KA-BLOOEY!_

"_Awesome!" Stinkfly cheered, watching the clown-head go up in flames._

"That was so cool!" He said, laughing again.

---

"I'm particularly fond of that little duet I had with Lindsay," Freakazoid noted.

"_Somewhere over the rainbow…" Lindsay sang, her voice ringing out into the air, "Way up high…_

"_There's a land that I heard of…_

"_Once in a lullaby…"_

_Suddenly, the Freakamobile drove up alongside the Ferrari, on Lindsay's side. Freakazoid opened up his windshield, stuck his head out, and began to sing as well._

"_Somewhere over the rainbow…" Freakazoid warbled, "Skies are blue…_

"_And the dreams that you dare to dream…_

"_Really do come true…"_

_Lindsay and Freakazoid exchanged smiles._

"_Someday I'll wish upon a falling star," Lindsay picked up, "And wake up where the clouds are…_

"_Behind me…_

_Freakazoid took over._

"_Where trouble melt like lemon drops," Freakazoid sang, "Away above the chimney tops…_

"_That's where you'll find me…"_

_Grinning, both LindsayFreakazoid sang in tune._

"_Somewhere over the rainbow…" They sang, "Bluebirds fly…_

"_Birds fly over the rainbow…_

_Why then, oh why, can't I?_

"_If happy little bluebirds fly…" Lindsay sang solo._

"_Beyond the rainbow…" Freakazoid sang._

"_Why, oh why can't I?" They finished together._

"_Bravo," Duncan groaned._

"Because, you know, there really are times when you just gotta break out and sing!" Freakazoid commented, thinking back.

---

"Th'real trick was keepin' Kirby on-track," Tokkori answered, fluttering in the air. "I can't count how many times we stopped for lunch!"

_The Starship parked off road next to what seemed like a clearing full of bushes. Kirby quickly hopped out of the cockpit and ran up to them._

"_Why are you stopping?" Tokkori asked, flying after the pink puffball, "What's going on?"_

_Kirby didn't answer. Instead, he opened his mouth and began to inhale. Tokkori saw small dark balls flying off the bushes and into his mouth._

"_Blackberries?" the green bird asked exasperatedly. "You stopped us for wild blackberries!?"_

"That Kirby's got the appetite of a black hole," Tokkori grumbled, "And the suction of one, too."

---

Hong Kong Phooey didn't say anything. He was fast asleep. While he looked peaceful in reality, the dream world wasn't so…

_Penrod Pooch was busy running. From three dangerous figures. Outnumbered, he had only one way to survive. With a dramatic back flip into the filing cabinet, he underwent an explosive transformation- Hong Kong Phooey, number 1 super guy!_

_Not phased by the mean looks of the three challengers, the hardcore Hong Kong quickly went to perform his ultimate technique, the Kame_

"Wah!" Hong Kong cried, snapping out of the fantasy. He looked at the French Dragonball Z comic in his lap. "I think I should be more selective of my reading material." He decided.

It was at that moment that Freakazoid passed by.

"Hey, Freakazoid!" Hong Kong greeted his fellow superhero, "Wanna help me find Spot?"

Freakazoid thought for a moment. "Okay." And with that, he went bounding off. "Yoo-hoo, Spot! Where are you?" Freakazoid called out. "Heeeere, kitty-kitty! I'll give you a ball of yarn! _Hey, Spot!!!_"

---

In his sunbeam, Spot slapped his forehead and muttered.

---

In the study, Chris was having some tea with Kirby. (Yes, Kirby!)

"So, since there's no chance you'll win now," Chris asked, "Who do you want to win the race?"

Kirby thought for a moment, "Poyo…poyoyo…"

That was as far as Kirby got before Chris cut him off.

"Never mind," Chris handed Kirby a little card with pictures of each race team. "Why don't you just mark this little reference sheet?"

---

In the rec room, Ben, Grampa Max, Tokkori, and Bubi Bear were playing at the billiards table.

"I don't know about you guys," Ben said, "But I'm rooting for Duncan. That guy's awesome!"

"He's a career criminal in the making," Grampa Max scolded, dismayed at Ben's choice in role models. "I think Ms. Frizzle and her class should win."

Ben thought about it. "Yeah, their pretty cool too. Carlos told me that the Friz takes them on the best field trips! It would be so cool if she taught my class!"

"That woman's loopy!" Tokkori spat, "If I had a teacher like her, I'd drop out _and how!_"

"But birds don't go to school," Bubi Bear pointed out.

"Don't talk back to me!" Tokkori began to peck out Bubi's nose. In a self-defensive gesture, Bubi Bear swatted the little green bird away, sending Tokkori into the pinball machine.

TILT!

---

"I think Sam and Max should win," Hong Kong Phooey commented.

Freakazoid popped his head into the scene. "Those two are just as bad as the villains they fight! Why would you want them to win?"

Hong Kong shrugged. "I don't know, I figure I should root for a fellow crime fighting dog."

"True, very true."

---

In kitchen, Square Bear looked up from the gumbo he was making. "The Friz is all right." Was all he said. Off to the side, Chef Hatchet nodded.

---

Poolside, Gwen raised her sunglasses enough to look at the camera. She then took them off.

"I'm rooting for Ms. Frizzle," She said simply, "Or Lindsay and Duncan. Everyone else…Sam and Max are crazy, Dick Dastardly's a jerk, and Needles…do I need to talk about Needles?"

---

"Let's learn how to speak French, because now it's time for,

_Frenching With Freakazoid!"_

Freakazoid, with a goatee and wearing a beret, sat on a stool in front of a chalkboard with a pointer in hand.

"Bonour, tout le monde!" He greeted, waving, "Comment allez vous? Bien." He pointed to the blackboard, which had some French words written on it. "Et maintenant, le lecon du jour," He read off the French. "Qui a coupe le fromage?" After a few minutes, he translated. "Who cut the cheese?"

Freakazoid waved goodbye. "Bon. Merci. Au revoir."

---

"We know who the loser like," Chris said, "but who do they hate?"

---

"Needles," Freakazoid answered.

---

"Gotta be Needles," Hair Bear agreed.

---

"That guy is the sickest…" Gwen began.

---

"..Meanest…" Ben continued.

---

"…Most out of control psychopath I have ever seen," Grampa finished.

---

"What was Chris thinking," Hong Kong asked, "Letting someone so dangerous into the competition? A lotta innocent people could get hurt!"

---

"Poyo!" Kirby held up a picture of Needles with a big red X drawn on the center.

---

"Why _did _we let Needles in?" Chef Hatchet asked Chris.

"He sent in a very persuasive audition tape," Chris answered, "It was labeled, 'I know where you live.'"

---

Later, everyone except Hong Kong Phooey and Grampa Max were seated in the dining room at a very long table, complete with all the silverware used by the upper class.

Just then, Hong Kong came in, carrying Spot. "Hey guys! I found Spot!"

As the two sat in their seats, Freakazoid couldn't help but ask, "So, where was he?"

"Oh, just outside in the tennis court," Hong Kong answered.

Suddenly, a foul odor permeated the room.

"Whoa…" Gagged Ben, waving the smell from his nose, "Qui a coupe le fromage?"

Freakazoid grinned. "Looks like my lessons are paying off!"

The doors to the kitchen opened slightly, and Grampa Max poked his head in. "Hey, guys," He greeted, "Dinner will be ready soon."

"Grampa?" Gwen asked, fearing the worst, "What are _you _doing in the kitchen?"

"I'd thought I'd give Chef Hatchet a day off and make something for all of us. Your taste buds won't realize what hit them!"

Because Grampa Max retreated back into the kitchen, he didn't see the looks of worry on the faces of the losers.

Just then, Cosgrove came in through the other door.

"Hey, Freakazoid!" He called out, "You wanna grab a bite at Burger King?"

"Can we come?!" Ben asked, frantically.

Later…!

Everyone sat in the living room, munching on burgers, fries, and any other fast food product.

Everyone except Grampa Max, who looked a little annoyed.

"I can't believe you guys just took off like that," He grumbled, feeling a little hurt. "It wasn't going to take that long!"

"Sorry, Grampa," Gwen apologized, "But we held a vote, and your cooking lost."

"Oh, well…" Grampa Max looked over to Kirby, who was inhaling a pot full of gunk. "At least Kirby stuck around for dinner!"

"That don't mean nothin'!" Tokkori laughed, "Kirby'll eat anything that doesn't move! I think he _likes _bad cooking!"

Everyone except Kirby and Grampa Max laughed. Kirby would have laughed, but the contents of the pot had sealed his mouth shut. Suddenly, there was a poof of purple smoke, and when it cleared away (Going as suddenly as it had come), Chris had somehow appeared in the room.

"Hello, losers!" He greeted, "Just thought you'd like to know, one of the cars is approaching the Hungary-Austria checkpoint! Any bets on who'll get there first?"

"I'll bet six fries it's the Bus!" Ben called out.

"I'll see you're six fries," Freakazoid challenged, "And raise you an onion ring that it's Sam and Max!"

Chris rolled his eyes. "Any _monetary_ bets?"

Freakazoid gasped. "You would have us gamble with _money?!_"

"Fine," Chris shrugged, a little annoyed. "Gamble with your food."

After the bets had been made (Freakazoid and Hong Kong bet on the Freelance Police, the Tennysons bet on the Magic School Bus, Hair Bear and Kirby bet on Duncan and Lindsay) the picture over the fireplace, a portrait of Chris, flipped over to reveal a flat screen. The screen sparked to life, showing an aerial shot of the checkpoint.

"Here it comes…" Chris murmured, looking excited, "Wait for it.."

A dust cloud zipped by, obscuring the vision.

"Aww, man!" Ben groaned, "We can't see!"

"Hold on for just a second," Chris said, "We'll play that again, frame-by-frame."

It did, and the car passing by was none other than Sweet Tooth. Everyone groaned and threw their food at the screen.

"That about does it for Hungary," Chris laughed, enjoying the losers' distaste, "We are only _two countries away_ from France. We're nearing the stretch, people! Tune in to see if Sweet Tooth can hold its lead, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	18. Scavengers Hunted

"Last time," Chris began, with the Eiffel Tower in the background, "On Drag Race: Worldwide!

"We decided to ignore our racers to see what the losers of the US stretch have been doing- and they're doing _pretty well_, I might say, living in the lap of luxury at Château Les Faillite!

"Grampa Tennyson managed to get the RV up and running…

"And as it turned out, no one likes Needles Kane. Shocker. I mean, Come on!" Chris admonished, "You can't try to kill people and then expect to be popular. At least, not without show-stopper good looks like mine.

"Now we go back to our regularly scheduled racers, and let me tell you, they are not gonna have an easy time. Find out how, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 18: Scavengers Hunted

"So, Chef," Chris said, now back in the control room, "Where are our racers now?"

Chef Hatchet pointed at the radar. "They're about halfway through Austria, Chris."

"I think it's time we let them in on our little surprise," Chris decided, "Chef, mind doing the honors?"

Chef Hatchet flashed Chris a thumbs-up, and pushed a button on the console. Chris pulled out and microphone like on a transistor radio and began to speak.

"_We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for this important bulletin, reserved for the competitors of Drag Race: Worldwide,"_

**Freelance Police**

"Rush Limbah certainly sounds chipper, today." Max commented.

"I don't think that's you're average radio personality, Max." Sam remarked. "That sounds very much like Chris MacClean!"

"_Chris MacClean here, and I'm sure you're glad to hear my dulcet tones!"_

**Daddy's Ferrari**

Duncan rolled his eyes, and moved his hand toward the radio dial.

"_Don't bother changing the station, dude, I'm on all the frequencies," _Duncan groaned in annoyance._ "Anyway, at the last checkpoint, each car received an envelope, am I right?"_

**The Magic School Bus**

Liz reached into the glove compartment and pulled out a white envelope, sealed with a picture of Chris.

"_Hope you didn't throw it out, because if you did, there's no way you can make it to Germany!"_

"What do you think that means?" Tim asked.

---

"_See, each envelope contains hints to where a chest hidden somewhere in Austria is. Inside the chests are passports, as well as other cool stuff. Without a passport, you won't be allowed to go past the checkpoint."_

**Sweet Tooth**

Needles shrugged. He wasn't allowed to go a lot of places, but that never stopped him.

But Chris wasn't done. _"Because, if you try to go past the checkpoint without a passport, you'll be eliminated. Expelled. _Disquailifed_. But hey, no pressure."_

**Daddy's Ferrari**

Lindsay opened up the envelope and read the paper inside. "Vienna, Riesenrad." She read.

**Mean Machine**

"Zwentendorf," Dastardly read.

**Magic School Bus**

"It says, 'Hofkirche, Innsbruck.'" Dorothy Ann said, reading the letter inside the envelope.

**Freelance Police**

Max raised an eyebrow. "Mirabell, Salzburg."

**Sweet Tooth**

Needles tore up his envelope and read the letter inside. His eyes widened. "Fliegerhorst Brumowski?!"

"_I was hoping you'd get that one, dude."_

---

"And there you have it!" Chris finished. "Five cars, five passports, and five insane locations to look in! Who will be the first to find their passports? And who will be the first to leave Austria? Stay tuned to find out! But first, here's a video shout-out to our beauty and the beast combo, Duncan and Lindsay, from a face I'm sure they haven't forgotten."

Shout-Out:

_Owen, his face right up close (And I mean close!) to the camera, screamed, "Duncan! Lindsay! You guys rock! Woo!!!" He backed away, revealing that he was in basement, with the stairs behind him. "Sorry about that, but I'm just so psyched! It's just AWESOME to see you guys on TV! And hey, all of us from Total Drama Island are rootin' for ya! Well, except for Heather," He amended, "But that's cause she's jealous that you guys are on the air and she's not! Anyway, keep it up, dudes!" Owen began to whoop again, but as he did, there was a sound like a poorly-played trumpet being blown, and a puff of yellow gas escaped his posterior._

---

"Welcome back," Chris said, "Now, let's check up on our racers. Chef? What's their progress?"

"Pretty good, Chris," Chef Hatchet reported from the radar, "They're all headin' where they need to go."

"Already?" Chris asked, truly perplexed. "I wonder if our hints weren't vague enough. Oh well. So who's the closest?"

"Punk job and blondie." Chef Hatchet answered.

"Then let's see how they're doing, shall we?" Chris asked rhetorically.

**Daddy's Ferrari**

"Do you know where to go?" Lindsay asked, combing her hair.

"Of course I know where to go," Duncan answered with a roll of the eyes.

**Ferrari Cam: **_"I have no idea what that clue means," Duncan confessed, "I mean, what is it? A castle, concert hall, what?"_

"Should we ask for directions, just in case?" Lindsay wondered aloud.

"Nooo," Duncan replied, "I don't need directions."

**Ferrari Cam: **_"Could someone please tell me what these words MEAN!?" Duncan yelled in dismay, "I mean, couldn't Chris give us the hint in ENGLISH!?"_

Lindsay pointed. "Look!"

On the side of the road was a large sign that said, _**begrüßen Sie Wien**_. Luckily, underneath were the words, (Welcome to Vienna)

"That was one of the words on the hint!" the blond ditz squealed.

"See?" Duncan chuckled, sounding a bit relieved, "I knew where we're going."

**Mean Machine**

Zwentendorf. A nuclear power plant, made for Austria, by Austria, paid with your Austrian taxes at work.

At least, that was the idea, but the Austrian government decided on another source of energy for the country. And so, the plant had been abandoned for quite some time…until now.

"All right, Muttley," Dastardly began, parking the Mean Machine outside the entrance of the power plant. "We're here."

Exiting the car, the Dastardly Duo (Ha…funny…) made their way over the fence to the front door of the plant.

When they reached the door, Dastardly said, "The passport's in here, somewhere, so we're going to go in and get it! And no complaining." He added when he saw Muttley's look of dismay. "If you want to win, you're helping me search."

Muttley whined.

"Of _course _it's safe," Dastardly assured, trying to force open the door, "The Austrian's never used this power plant once! I'm sure there's nothing dangerous in there."

It was at that moment that the door opened. As it swung inside, this caused Dastardly to fall flat on his face.

Muttley snickered.

Before Dastardly could give Muttley a good strike for that, someone walked out of the plant. He looked human enough…he dressed the part of an office worker…but something was off about his appearance. It could have been the insect eyes that were on his forehead…or the spikes growing out of his back…but what really drove the point home was the eerie green aura that surrounded his body.

As the pair watched him walk of, Dastardly said, "Though, maybe we should get a pair of safety goggles, just to be sure."

**Freelance Police**

"Here we are, Max," Sam said, "At the Palace of Mirabell in Salzburg, Austria. This castle was built for the sweetheart of an Austrian cleric and their illegitimate children- all fifteen of them."

"That sounds suspiciously educational, Sam." Max commented.

"Somewhere in this building is the passport we need to stay in the game," Sam continued, acting if Max never spoken, "So we need to get inside, get it, and get going."

Sam turned around and gripped the door knob. When the door refused to budge, Sam turned back to his psychotic partner.

"Looks like visiting hours are over, little buddy," Sam said, "We'll have to call management and see if they can make an exception for us,"

Max rolled his eyes, uninterested.

"Or, one of us can be thrown in through the window by me and unlock the door from the inside." Sam finished.

Max's eyes brightened.

---

"Make sure you wind-up enough," Max said, tucked firmly in Sam's hand, "I don't want to have to do this twice."

With all the skill and grace of major league baseball pitcher playing in the World Series, Sam flung Max (Who went, "Booga-Booga!") at the window next to the front door of Mirabell. Subsequently, Max, with all the skill and grace of a dove, slammed against the glass, and slid down into the flowers.

Sam hummed. "Well, I'm out of ideas."

"I have one." Max groaned from his bed of tulips. Getting up, he stumbled over to where the Desoto Adventurer was parked. Starting the engine, Max steered the car toward the front door…at sixty MPH!

CRASH!

Sam gave the large hole where the front door used to be, partially filled by Desoto, an apathic glance before pocketing his hands and walking through it.

"You know, Max, your sense of subtlety leaves something to be desired." He commented

"Bite me!"

**Sweet Tooth**

Fliegerhorst Brumowski was an air base in Austria, run by the Austrian Air Force. As such, it was highly guarded, protected by an advanced military force. That didn't bother Needles, as he had enough weapons to commit war crimes, but what he _was_ worried about was the chest with the passport being put on a plane about to take off.

"Now…where to start?" Needles murmured, looking Sweet Tooth parked in the shadows of the base. As he scanned the base as best he could, he saw something out of the corner of his eye. It was a chest, with a picture of Chris on it!

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_"And they say I lack subtlety." Needles grunted._

"Bingo." Needles chuckled. His smile dropped when he saw two men pick up the chest and toss it into a C-130 Hercules transport plane. "Uh-oh."

Almost immediately, the plane took off, shrinking into the sky.

"Oh, great," Needles grumbled, "_Now _what do I do?"

Looking around, he saw hanger bay. A nasty grin grew as an idea came to him.

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_"When in Rome," Needles chuckled darkly, rubbing his hands. He was wearing a welder's attire. "Do as the Romans do!"_

**Magic School Bus**

With the Bus parked outside, Ms. Frizzle's class and Liz entered the court church of Innsbruck, a little apprehensive. All around them on the inside were statues of alleged ancestors of Maximilian I, in honor of the Holy Roman Empire.

"All right, class!" Ms. Frizzle declared, "Let's find that chest!"

The class cheered, and scattered in their search, except for Arnold. He looked a little nervous.

"Are you sure we can do this?" He asked, looking around. "I mean, isn't this place a tob?"

"Not exactly, Arnold," Ms. Frizzle explained, "The Hofkirche was _intended _to be a tomb, but Maximilian was actually buried in a Castle Chapter in Wiener Neustadt. This church's purpose is to act as a monument to his glory!" She finished with an elaborate wave.

Elsewhere, Wanda and Ralphie were looking over by some statues.

"This place is huge!" Wanda exclaimed, throwing her arms out. "At this rate, we'll never find the chest with the passport!"

Ralphie leaned against one of the statues. "I bet Chris hid it so well it'll take genius to find."

It was at that moment that the statue Ralphie was leaning against clicked, and the arm he was on moved, causing him to fall. A few yards (Or meters, as we're in Europe) away, the floor opened up, revealing a pit. Wanda ran over and looked down the gap.

"Ralphie, you're a genius!" She cried. Quickly, she called everyone over. "Hey, I found it! It's down here!"

Indeed it was. Everyone came over to see that at the bottom of the pit was the chest, with Chris' face on the lid, sitting on a pedestal in the direct center.

While the other kids celebrated, Arnold peered down, confused.

"Why is the floor moving?" He asked. Pulling a pen light out from his pocket, Arnold pointed the beam down the pit, illuminating the floor. Soon it became apparent that while the floor, wasn't moving, the serpents covering it _were_.

"Snakes," Arnold groaned, "Why did it have to be snakes?"

---

In France, Chris and Chef Hatchet watched the action on a big screen, seated comfortably in lounge chairs.

"And that, Chef Hatchet," Chris said, pointing at the screen, "Is our tribute to Indiana Jones."

"I thought we were gonna use gators for that." Chef pointed out.

"We were," Chris admitted, "But we're on a budget, and snakes are cheaper to ship."

**Daddy's Ferrari**

Duncan and Lindsay finally found the Riesenrad. As it turns out, it was a ferris wheel, in Prater Park.

"Can we ride merry-go-round?" Lindsay asked, her mind wandering.

"Suuure," Duncan said sarcastically, looking up at the ferris wheel through a pair of binoculars. "And later, I'll win you a Hello Kitty from the midway."

"Really?!" Lindsay squealed happily.

"No!" Duncan snapped.

**Ferrari Cam: **_"I was just asking…" Lindsay commented._

"I see it." Duncan could just barely see a chest with Chris' face in the topmost gondola.

Lindsay took the binoculars and looked up as well. "Wow…how do we get it?"

Duncan grinned. "Watch and learn." And with that, he began to scale the amusement park ride, using the metal girders for ladder bars.

---

Chris and Chef, who were watching this, were impressed.

"Man, look at him go!" Chris gave a whistle of approval. "Where'd ya think he learned to do that?"

"Climbin' over prison walls." Chef grunted. He didn't really like Duncan.

"Yeah, that'll do the trick," Chris conceded. He smirked. "Think we should kick things up a notch?"

Chef grinned nastily and pointed. "Bam!"

Smirking evilly, Chris pulled out a remote control with a dial, and cranked it up.

**Daddy's Ferrari**

Duncan was about halfway up the wheel when it began to move.

"Not good." Duncan muttered.

Unfortunately, its speed began to go beyond that of a normal ferris wheel ride.

"Definitely not good!" Duncan yelled, clinging to the girder he was on.

Down on the ground, next to the ride's controls, Lindsay was calmly reading a magazine while listening to her MP3 player, completely oblivious to the ferris wheel's sudden movement and speed. By the time she finished the 'what date will you have for homecoming?' quiz, the wheel's speed had reached forty-five miles per hour.

"AaAaAaAuUuUgGhH!" Duncan wailed, hugging the metal for dear life.

Lindsay, who still hadn't noticed what was going on, read the results of her quiz.

"'You're date is a crouching moron hidden badass,'" Lindsay read, "'He seems like a total loser, but you discover that he keeps his coolness unseen by mostly everyone else.'" A thought occurred to her. "What's a 'crouching moron hidden badass?"

Confused, Lindsay rested her elbow on the controls, right on a big red button- the one marked 'Emergency Stop'. The upshot of this unconscious action was that the wheel stopped spinning. The downside was that the _force _of the stop sent Duncan flying, right into a pile of giant, stuffed Hello Kitty dolls.

When Lindsay felt the ground shake from Duncan's abrupt landing, she went over to investigate. She was quite dismayed to find Duncan getting cozy (And suffering from motion sickness, to boot) with a bunch of plushies.

"Duncan! I thought we didn't have time for fun!" She scolded.

Thunk.

Looking over, Lindsay saw the chest lying in a crater a few feet away. "Look, Duncan! It's the chest! It wasn't in the ferris wheel at all!"

Duncan grunted.

**---**

**Freelance Police**

"Hey, Sam," Max bid, looking through a window, "Check this out."

Sam looked through the window as well. Instead of showing the outside gardens, it showed a long hall, containing what seemed like a matrimonial ceremony in process.

"Well, whaddya know," Sam remarked, "Looks like this castle is still used for the occasional wedding. And look!" At the end of the hall near the altar was a chest with Chris' face on it. "There's the chest with out much needed passport!"

Sam rubbed his chin in thought. "But, a new conundrum appears- how to get the chest without disrupting the ceremony?"

Max was way ahead of him. In fact, by the time Sam had stopped talking, he was already at the bride and groom.

"Get away! Mine!" Max screamed, waving his arms chaotically, "Mine!"

"Why do I even bother?" Sam sighed.

**Mean Machine**

Dastardly and Muttley were busy navigating the power plant, in search of the elusive chest. Lacking any directions or even a map, they were forced to go any everywhere they could look.

**Dastardly Cam: **_"I wonder how much of this plant the Austrians built," Dastardly commented, "And how much Chris MacClean added?"_

At this point, they had come upon a hall of doors. Lacking any other alternative, they opened each one.

The door marked 'Paper Pushing' led to a room with tons of paper on the floor…being pushed by miniature snowplows.

The door marked 'Atomic Cycles' and found a bicycle shop.

The third door marked 'Tex Avery Gag' and found…a brick wall!

---

Chris glanced at Chef.

"I thought we already used that joke!" He complained.

**Freelance Police**

"_Und _stay out!" the bouncer yelled, giving the Freelance Police the old heave-ho, "Wedding crashers!"

Sam and Max sailed majestically from the large hole where the front door used to be, and landed in a pack of rose bushes.

"Oof!" Sam grunted. "That's going to hurt years from now."

"I can feel thorns through my metal plate." Max commented.

Getting up, and pulling a few thorns out from behind his ear, Sam looked at the castle. "Now, how do we get that chest?"

"_Und _take this stupid chest with you!"

The chest sailed out from the castle, landing directly on Max, missing Sam entirely. Sam pocketed his hands, observing the chest.

**Freelance Cam: **_"When life gives you lemons…" Sam began to say._

"_Forget the stupid lemons and get this thing off me!" Max's voice interrupted, "I can feel it compressing my heart! Feels kinda nice, actually."_

**Mean Machine**

Dastardly and Muttley had come upon a long room. At the end was a chest with Chris' picture on it, but do we need to mention the picture?

"There it is," Dastardly whispered, pleased with himself. However, when Muttley moved into the room, Dastardly grabbed his tail, stopping him. "Hold on a second! I know what's coming!" Muttley looked at him. Dastardly waved at the floor. The path directly from the door to the pedestal was painted red, while the rest of the floor was just platinum blue.

"If we walk on the red path, we'll clearly fall into a trap." The villain explained, "Therefore, we will _not _walk on the red path, but instead, we will walk alongside the wall."

And so, very cautious-like, Dastardly and Muttley inched toward the chest alongside opposite walls, until they reached the pedestal. Opening the chest from the side, Dastardly pulled out a booklet.

"Ahhh…ha!" Dastardly laughed victoriously, reading the booklet. "This is it! Let's go!"

No sooner had the words left his mouth that trapdoors opened- everywhere except on the red path.

---

The chute dropped the pair into a dumpster.

"Oof!" Dastardly grunted. He spat out some crud. "Drat! Drat!" Some more garbage fell on him. "Uh dubba dra!"

Muttley, not minding the trash as much as his master, snickered.

---

Meanwhile, high in the sky, the pilots of the Hercules were busy contacting ground control. _Translated from German_

_"Fireball, this is ground control. Do you copy?"_

_"We copy, ground control, this is Fireball."_

_"How goes the test flight?"_

_"Everything is on schedule. We should be back at the base at- Hold that thought."_

_"What's going on?"_

_"A bogey's appeared at six o' clock."_

_"A bogey? Can you get a visual?"_

_"We've almost… Oh my god."_

_"I don't copy you. Repeat."_

_"It's…it's a…"_

BANG!

_"It's attacked us! I repeat, the bogey has attacked us!"_

_"But what is it?!"_

**Sweet Tooth**

Needles Kane's ice cream truck of doom, now held aloft by a mass of hastily welded on wings, jet engines, and helicopter propellers, fired a second shot at the Hercules.

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_"People say I'm crazy," Needles shrugged, "They say something's not right with my mind. They say I clearly lack common sense. Good thing too, or I'd never get away with anything!"_

**Magic School Bus**

The class had devised a good way to get to the chest without getting near the snakes. By using a rope from the Bus, they would be able to lower someone down to get to chest, without being set on the floor. Sense it would be too dangerous to send one of the kids down, Liz was elected instead.

"Don't worry Liz," The Friz assured, "If we get to close to the snakes, just tug."

Sweating, (Despite the fact that lizards _can't _sweat) Liz gazed down at the floor full of snakes, watching it get bigger and bigger. Eventually, her descent stopped, just at the top of the chest. Flipping the lid open, Liz dug in to find a little booklet. Behind him, a snake reared up, his fangs bared. After verifying the booklet's use as a passport, Liz tugged her rope, and was pulled up just in time to avoid being bit by a snake.

The snake was not happy.

"Way to go Liz!" This and other such cheers were issued as the class pulled the teacher's pet out from the den of snakes. Ms. Frizzle took the passport flipped through it, and pointed to the door.

"To the Bus!" She declared, and the class made a run for the door.

"Hoooold everything!" A thick german-accented voice yelled, causing the class stopped dead in their tracks.

A tall, bald, powerfully built man, very much like the guy Indiana Jones fights in every movie, came out of nowhere. With his eye-scare and monocle, he looked more at home directing the _furer_'s army than in a museum. He snatched the passport out of Ms. Frizzle's hand.

"Excuse me, but that's ours." Ms. Frizzle protested.

"Oh, no it's not." Monocle-man declared. "This was found on church grounds, so it is the property of the Austrian government!"

"Actually," Ms. Frizzle pointed out, "It's the property of FreshTv. It was placed there for Drag Race: Worldwide. We're one of the racers!"

"I vas not notified of zis," Monocle-man replied adamantly. "How do I know you are lying?"

Behind the Friz, the class huddled.

"What do we do?" Phoebe asked, "He won't give it to us!"

"I have an idea." Dorothy Ann said. Walking up to Monocle-man, she pointed and cried, "Is that a _swatska?_"

"What!?" Monocle-man cried, alarmed. "Where?!" After World War II, the Austrians, as the rest of the world, were quite nervous about anything that might be related to Hitler's regime.

But his confusion was distraction enough for Liz to take the passport back.

"Let's go!" Carlos yelled, and the class made a mad dash for the exit.

"Ztop zem!" Monocle-man ordered. But by the time he and church security go to the parking lot, all they saw was a bus blasting off into the sky.

**Daddy's Ferrari**

Due to Duncan being too dizzy to drive properly, the task of getting the car to the checkpoint was left to Lindsay, who wasn't that bad. However, because she wasn't nearly as reckless as Duncan, as well as more observant of traffic laws, this meant that Daddy's Ferrari was going at a much slower pace.

"Could you go any slower?" Duncan groused, still a little ill from motion sickness. "I think we're outrunning that snail."

"But I'm already going five miles above the speed limit." Lindsay replied. "Oh! I see the checkpoint!"

"Finally." Duncan sighed. He wondered how far behind Lindsay's lack of road rage had put them.

"Two for Germany." Lindsay announced, showing the passport.

"And who else has been here?" Duncan asked.

"No one!" Izzy announced. "You guys are the first ones here!"

"We are? That's great, Izzy!" Lindsay cheered. She then looked confused. "Izzy?"

"Izzy!" Duncan cried, almost jumping out of his seat.

Sure enough, their psychotic, fellow camper from Total Drama Island was operating the checkpoint.

"Hi guys!" The twisted girl greeted, her mad smile not leaving her face.

"What are you going here?" Duncan asked, rubbing eyes, hoping it was just a hallucination caused by the motion sickness. No good. She was still there.

"Well, after my audition to enter the race was rejected, I camped out on Chris' front door, hoping to change his mind." Izzy explained in rapid-fire manner. "That's how I got on TDI! Anyway, he wouldn't let me in the race, something about me not being a legally licensed driver or something, so he instead put me in charge of this checkpoint, and it only cost me an increase in the radius I'm not allowed to be within of him! How cool is that?!" Before either of them could reply, she said, "Hey, do you hear a whistling noise?"

CRASH!!!

The Hercules hit the checkpoint, just barely missing Daddy's Ferrari. Duncan and Lindsay watched, awe-struck, as flaming chunks of the debris were thrown in the air. A little ways behind them, Sweet Tooth landed, causing the extra parts to fall off. Getting out, Needles rushed over to the scrap pile.

"Where is it…where is it…" He murmured, digging through the burning metal. After a few minutes, he pulled out a slightly burnt passport. "Jackpot!"

Pulling herself of the heap, covered in soot, Izzy had only one thing to say. "Cool!"

---

"Well," Chris said, a little thrown off, "I guess that's it for Austria…I think. Our current positions are…

"In first place, it's a tie between Daddy's Ferrari and Sweet Tooth…

"In third place, it's the Magic School Bus…

"In fourth place, the Desoto Adventurer…

"And in last place, the Mean Machine. Tune in next time, for the most dramatic, but hopefully less destructive, finish yet, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	19. War Games

"Last time," Chris began, with the Eiffel Tower in background, "On Drag Race: Worldwide!

"Our racers were sent all over the Austrian countryside looking for some much-needed passports to Germany, and let me tell you, they did not have an easy time, I mean, you think _every _church has a snake pit?

"Dastardly and Muttley were forced to explore a tricked-out power plant, and Needles had to follow his passport from the air force base we stashed it!

"But in the end, it was Daddy's Ferrari that got to the check point first.

"Our cars are now going through Germany, on their way to France," Chris continued, "Can they make it through unscathed? Not if we can do anything about it! So, sit tight, and get ready for the most dramatic finish yet, on** Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 19: War Games

"Welcome to Drag Race: Worldwide," Chris greeted once the commercial break ended, "As I said before, our cars are now racing through Germany, taking a _very _specific route we assigned them in Austria." Chris leaned into the camera in a secretive manner. "You may not know this, but the German military is currently engaging in a series of war games, so we decided to send the cars through every battle field!" Chris threw out his arms, "This is gonna be _awesome!_"

**Bus Cam: **_Dorothy Ann looked up from a large paper. "I wonder why this route takes us all over Germany?"_

**Magic School Bus**

With the sound of gunfire filling the air, the Bus drove across the battleground, miraculously avoiding the flying bullets. That is, most of the bullets. Inside, the class and Liz were on the floor, ducking for cover.

"Is everyone all right!?" The Friz asked, lowering her body as much as she can. She had a firm grip on the wheel, and an old German army helmet on her head.

"We're fine!" Tim yelled back.

"But I think we owe the Bus an apology after this!" Carlos put in.

As a stray shell came a little too close to impacting the Bus, Arnold glanced at Keesha.

"I hope our auto insurance can repair all this!" He hollered.

"I think Geico stops at World War Three!" Keesha commented.

An explosion rocked the Bus. The class screamed.

"Ms. Frizzle, isn't there something you can do!?" Wanda shrieked.

"I've got you covered!" Ms. Frizzle pushed a button labeled 'Superman' on the dash board.

FWAMP!

The Bus transformed, but instead of changing shape, the Bus grew an outer covering of what could be bullet-proof steel. Sure enough, any bullet that hit the Bus found themselves being forced in another direction.

"They'll need something stronger _that _to get us now!" Ralphie grinned, feeling relieved.

**Freelance Police**

**Freelance Cam: **_"I must admit, I was a smidge worried about our directions," Sam said("Don't say 'smidge' will you?" Max asked) "Given Chris' sadism and lack of disregard for the lives of his shows' contestants, I feel that my concern was well grounded…"_

"What a beautiful day for a drive through the German countryside!" Sam announced, looking around, "Much less destructive than that battlefield! No clouds, no traffic…"

"No road, no signs of vegetation or discernable forms of civilization…" Max finished.

Max wasn't kidding. The area they were driving through seemed devoid of just about everything. It was just a flat stripe of dirt.

"Ho hum…" Max sighed.

"Max, you almost never say 'ho hum'," Sam said, "What's eatin' ya?"

"I was kinda of hoping that the mindless chaos wouldn't stop so suddenly…" Max lamented.

"Don't let that get you down," Sam assured, "Why, I'm sure something will pop up eventually!"

BOOM! BAM! BA-BOM!

Multiple explosions rocked the Desoto, prompting Max to say, "I think we should call a tow truck."

"I don't think those are tires bursting or the engine backfiring, or any other auto vehicular malfunction," Sam said, "Unless I'm mistaken, this desolate stripe is a testing ground for new land mines!"

--

"Sending through the minefield your idea?" Chris asked Chef. Chef nodded. "Nice."

---

"I think we can make it," Sam said, as explosions rocked the Adventurer, "But it's gonna be close!"

"I feel like popcorn." Max commented, bouncing around in his seat.

After driving across what seemed like a field of bombs going off ("Did they set a mine every square foot?" Max asked) the Desoto Adventurer made its way onto a normal road, passing a sign that said NOW LEAVING MINEFIELD _(Have a nice day!)_

"That was invigorating." Max remarked, counting the bumps on his head(He had hit the car ceiling several times).

"Indeed it was, Max," Sam laughed, "There's nothing like the threat of an small explosion sending you sky high to increase your heart rate."

Suddenly, Daddy's Ferrari drove right past them.

**Daddy's Ferrari**

"I can't believe we got through that without hitting a single mine!" Lindsay exclaimed, "Especially by directly following Stan and Mac!"

"Sam and Max." Duncan corrected, grinning smugly.

**Ferrari Cam: **_"Yeah, so I decide to give McGruff the lead for a bit," Duncan explained, looking smug, "Let him clear a path for me."_

Suddenly, there was a bang, and their ride got a lot bumpier. Stopping the car, Duncan saw that one of the tires had blown out. As he got out to change it, the Freelance Police sped by, and the teens could just barely manage to see the smoke coming out of Max's luger.

**Freelance Cam: **_"Say, where _do_ you keep that weapon, Max?" Sam asked._

"_None of your damn business, Sam." Max answered._

**Mean Machine**

Dick Dastardly and Muttley were currently parked behind a billboard, Dastardly on the phone.

"Look, just put me through to the General," Dastardly said, sounding impatient. HE paused, listening to a query. "Of course I'm a veteran. Oh all right, I'll hold."

**Dastardly Cam: **_"I've already seen war, paid my dues," Dastardly sneered, "So why should I do it again? I'll just use my connections to get us a quick and painless shortcut."_

As Dastardly drummed his fingers, absent-mindedly listening to the elevator music, he saw some out of the corner of his eye…Sweet Tooth!

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_"Of all the times to run out of ammo AND get a flat tire…" Needles grumbled._

"I can't believe our luck!" Dastardly cried, "Look, Muttley!"

Muttley saw the ice cream truck too, and wondered if that luck was good or bad.

"This is our chance!" Dastardly held up a chain and gave it to Muttley. "I don't know why he stopped, but use this to make he can't start again."

Taking the chain, Muttley looked back at Sweet Tooth. He whimpered.

**Sweet Tooth**

While Needles Kane reloaded the guns and missile launchers on Sweet Tooth, Muttley slinked around, crawling on his belly. Going around to the back, Muttley attached one end of the chain to the truck's bumper. He then went to tie the other end of the chain around a nearby tree.

While that was going on, Needles finished with his reloading.

"Now for that tire…" He muttered. As he moved toward the door, he saw out the window the Mean Machine, a little bit away.

"Well, now!" Smiling sadistically, Needles grabbed a chain from the back…

**Mean Machine**

"Hello, General? It's me, your old pal…Dick Dastardly." Dastardly gave his most winning smile, even though there was no one to see it.

Some angry muttering was heard over the receiver.

Dastardly's eyes widened. "Uh, no! Not that Dick Dastardly…" He backpedaled.

---

"Can you guess why the General's so angry with Tricky Dicky?" Chris asked, "Find out at the end of this episode!"

**Mean Machine**

While Dastardly tried to fast-talk the General into giving them and easy pass, Needles snuck around and tied his chain to the back bumper, and to one end of the billboard. After checking to make sure it was secure, he snuck back to Sweet Tooth.

---

Watching this, Chris rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Hey, can we switch to a wide angle-shot of this scene?" He asked, "I don't want our viewers to miss out on this little stunt."

**Mean Machine/Sweet Tooth**

Unaware that they were both being watched from a bird's eye view, not to mention chained to a billboard and tree respectively, both the Mean Machine and Sweet Tooth started their engines at the same time…

CRASH!

…And the billboard fell on Sweet Tooth, while the tree landed on the Mean Machine, at the same time.

---

"Whoa!" Chris cried, "How did _that _happen?! Can we get an instant replay in slow-mo?"

_**Replay**_

_As the Mean Machine drove off, the chain pulled out one of the supports to the billboard, causing it to tilt and fall on top of Sweet Tooth, which was on the other side of the road. At the same time, Sweet Tooth accelerated with such force that not only was the tree pulled out from its roots, but thrown on top of the Mean Machine!_

---

"That…is sad," Chris said. "Incredibly funny, but sad." He brightened. "Let's see how our favorite two teens are doing!"

**Daddy's Ferrari**

"Whaddya mean we can't pass?!" Duncan demanded.

Daddy's Ferrari had arrived at the next war game site. Unlike the previous sites, this one was surrounded by a chain link fence, with armed soldiers at the entrance.

"I mean, this area is off-limits to civilians," One of the soldiers responded, "And tourists. Only authorized personal may pass."

"But, it's okay. We're supposed to go this way, Chris said so." Lindsay batted her eyelashes and smiled cutely, "So could you pleeease let us through?"

"Yeah, this for TV," Duncan put on his most winning smile, the kind he used when explaining his actions to his family, the police, "You don't wanna disappoint the viewers, do you?"

"Yes, I do!" the German officer snarled, fed up. "I don't know anything about a TV show, or who this 'Chris' person is! Now go away!"

---

Chris and Chef Hatchet exchanged looks.

"Looks like someone didn't get the memo," Chris commented, "Think I should make a few calls?"

Chef was flabbergasted. "You actually wanna _help _those two?" He asked, gaping.

"Sh'yeah, right!" Chris laughed, "I was thinking about making it even _harder _the racers!"

Chef gave a thumbs-up. "Cool."

Chris reached for a nearby phone…

**Magic School Bus**

"Nein means no!" the German officer snarled, really beginning to feel annoyed. What is wrong with these Americans?

Ms. Frizzle sighed and looked back at her class. "Looks like he won't let us through," She reported.

"So, now what do we do?" Arnold asked. He then looked hopeful. "Give up?"

"We can't give up now!" Wanda admonished. "Not after coming so far, right?!"

"Right!" Ms. Frizzle winked. She put the Bus into reverse and began to back up. "I think I know how to get around this guard…"

The German officer didn't get to see what the class was up to, as the phone then rang, drawing his attention. Turning his back on the Magic School Bus (The FOOL! HAHAHAHAH!) he answered it.

"Hello? Oh, hello, Colonel! What? Yes, some strange Americans came by, asking to go through. Oh, don't worry, I won't let anyone through. Yes sir, I will sir. Goodbye."

The German officer hung up, turned back to the Magic School Bus, but it wasn't there. Where it once was there was a large hole in the ground.

**Mean Machine**

Dick Dastardly didn't have any better luck with the German Officer than the Friz or the TDI pair.

"But I'm a friend of the General," Dastardly said, putting on his best smile, "Let me through, and I could put a word in for you to be promoted."

"And if I let you through, I could be fired!" The German Officer snarled, "Now, beat it!"

Frowning, Dastardly turned to Muttley. "Come on, Muttley, we'll go around."

As the Mean Machine drove off, Sweet Tooth pulled up.

"I'm sorry, but no one can pass-" That was as far as the German officer got before Sweet Tooth opened fire, blasting open the battlefield's gates.

"Don't mind me, I'm just passing through!" Needles laughed manically, speeding away.

**Daddy's Ferrari**

Not too far away, Duncan and Lindsay watched Sweet Tooth's invasion.

"Okay, let's go!" Duncan whispered, and moved the car forward.

**Ferrari Cam: **_"I realized that we were ahead of Crazy the Clown," Duncan explained, "So I decided to simply wait for him to show up, and let nature take its course."_

**Mean Machine**

After cutting their way through the fence, Dastardly and Muttley were back on the road.

"That was easy enough," Dastardly sniffed, "I wonder what they're doing here, anyway?"

---

Back at 'Sadist Control' as the losers eloquently called it, Chef Hatchet came in with a cardboard box, the size of a basketball.

"What's that?" Chris asked.

"Care package, from the German Military," Chef explained. He pulled out what looked like a old fashioned joystick for a computer and tossed it to Chris. "They're lettin' us test drive their new kill sats."

"Suh-weet!" Chris caught one as Chef pulled out another. "Whaddya say, Chef? Wanna give those racers our 'personal' attention?"

Chef grew a mean smile.

**Freelance Police**

"Sure is peaceful, huh?" Sam asked, driving along.

"Yup," Max agreed, "Almost makes not wonder about the disaster that's sure to befall us, Sam."

"I'd never thought I'd hear you use the word 'Befall."

Before Max could respond to that in a very colorful way, the ground behind them exploded!

"Merciful Merlin's beard cut on Saturday!" Sam cried, "That was unexpected!"

"Yet expectedly so." Max grinned, enjoying the loud noise.

"This is no time for witty banter or philosophy, Max!" Sam yelled, slamming his foot on the acceleration, "Unless I'm mistaken, Chris may be taking a more direct approach to our televised tormet!"

"He must have gone insane, I respect that."

---

Chris frowned. "Considering who said that, I'm gonna let that little comment pass." He looked over at Chef, who seemed to be having too much fun. "What're you up to?"

"Check it, I can make bad boy and blondie zigzag." Chef snickered, hammering the 'fire' button.

**Daddy's Ferrari**

As the car zigged and zagged across the battlefield, multiple blasts hammered down, creating a bizarre pattern of craters, that looked like round checkers. The teens screamed.

---

"Wanna try?"

Chris, with a look of pure, exaggerated disgust on his face, commented, "You are one _sick dude_," before asking, "So, what do I do?"

"Just aim a little bit to the side, first right, then left," Chef instructed, "You don't wanna hurt 'em…just shake 'em up a bit."

Chris began to move his controller the Chef was, and laughed vindictively. "Heh heh, this is pretty fun." He noticed something odd on the radar. "Wonder why the Friz isn't being effected."

Indeed, the radar showed the Bus' blip moving steadily along, unaffected by the assault.

**Magic School Bus**

Deep underground, in a tunnel of its own making, the Magic School Bus plowed along, putting the giant drill on its front to good use.

"This is the only way to travel," Carlos sighed, bored out of his wits.

"Beats dealing with whatever's going on up there," Tim said, looking up. Every now and then, the ceiling of the tunnel would shake under some great force.

"Why don't we do this the entire way?" Arnold asked.

"Because we would miss our turn, Arnold," Ms. Frizzle answered, before a beeping caught her attention. "That's our cue! Going up!"

And the with that, the Magic School Bus shifted and began to tunnel its way up…

**Mean Machine**

"We're out, Muttley!" Dastardly declared, and Muttley gave a howl of celebration as the Mean Machine drove out the gap in the fence, leaving the battlefield.

"Now, on to the border!" Dastardly yelled, and slammed down on the gas pedal.

However, before the Mean Machine could speed off, the Magic School Bus burst from the ground. Because this happened right in front of the Mean Machine, that caused it to flip over upside-down.

"Drat!" Dastardly swore as the Bus drove off. It didn't help his temper that the kids were waving to him. Before he could do anything about the awkward situation he and Muttley were now in, the Desoto Adventurer and Sweet Tooth sped by, causing the Mean Machine to spin around. Finally, Daddy's Ferrari came by, knocking the Mean Machine back right side up.

"That was a bit distorting," A dizzy Dastardly grumbled, trying to get his bearings, "But I won't lose!"

---

With the targets…eh…_racers_…having left the battlefield, Chris and Chef took a quick lunch break. When they came back, Chris checked the radar.

"Looks like our racers are nearing the border!" He announced.

"Who's in first?" Chef Hatchet asked.

"Don't know," Chris admitted, "It's wreck-and-wreck, I mean, neck-and-neck."

When the blips on the radar signifying the cars reached the German-French border, they stopped.

"Now what's up?" Chris asked, scratching his head.

**Mean Machine/Magic School Bus/Daddy's Ferrari/Freelance Police/Sweet Tooth**

"What godforsaken boob dug a ten foot _trench _in the German-French border!?" screamed Dastardly, as the other racers crawled out from the pileup, dazed but vaguely unhurt.

---

"That's it for Germany, folks!" Chris declared, "You know what that means! The end is near, or, to be precise, the end is in the next episode! Find out who's going to win it all, next time, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

---

And why is the General so upset with Dick Dastardly? Because he couldn't catch the Pigion in his Wacky Race spin-off series, Dastardly and Muttley's Flying Machines.


	20. Drag Race Review

"Welcome to Drag Race: Worldwide," Chris said, "The biggest road race of all time…at least until some other network copies us.

"It's been a long haul. We began this race at New York City with ten cars, and as we get closer to Paris, only five of them can finish.

"But how is it that we made it this far?" Chris asked, "And on what grounds did we chose the racers?

"Find out today, on **Drag Race Review!**"

Episode 20: Drag Race Review

"Welcome back to Drag Race Review!" Chris greeted. He was seated in the monitor room. "When putting together a race, one of the most important things is to decide the course. Since we didn't have the budget for markers, when thought, 'To heck with it!' and not create one. We just set up from basic points for our racers to reach and let them fill in the blanks."

"_All right. The first leg of the race starts here, in New York City," Chris explained, "From here, you will each have to drive your way across North America to the our finish line in San Francisco, at the Golden Gate Bridge. From there, you will be ferried across the Pacific Ocean to China, where the second half of the race will set you across Asia, Russia, and Europe, ending at the Eiffel Tower in Paris France."_

_Grampa Max stood up. "Wait, you mean we can go anywhere in this race?"_

"We were able to scrap up enough cash to set up some checkpoints for the second half," Chris explained, "But still giving our racers enough freedom to create some wicked TV."

Chris got up and walked over to where a cup of coffee was. Taking a sip, he said, "In order to take part in a race, you need skill, dexterity, mechanical know-how, and an deep understanding of motor vehicle regulations and traffic laws. That's why we looked for racers with absolutely none of these things!"

**Audition Tape/Starship: **_Tokkori, sitting on Kirby's head, glared at the pilot._

"_You call this driving?" He demanded, "Put some gas on it, gramma!"_

_Kirby did so, pushing forward on the Starship's control stick- causing the ship to rocket off the treadmill it was practicing on, through demo wall._

**Audition Tape/Freakamobile: **_A robotic arm and hand pulled Fanboy out of the Freakamobile. A boot on the end of a pendulum popped out next._

"_It's been a kick!" Freakazoid said, "Gotta fly!"_

_Fanboy was then booted out of the scene._

"_Pretty nifty gizmo, huh kids?" Freakazoid asked._

**Audition Tape/Sweet Tooth: **_"Look out!"_

_Those and other cries of alarm were heard as Sweet Tooth smashed through the gates of the scrap yard. As everyone bolt for safety, one man didn't move fast enough…_

_SPLAT!_

_Needles got out of the truck, and he and Calypso both stared at the cadaver._

"_Oh, well," Calypso shrugged, "I'll guess we'll have to clean that up later."_

**Audition Tape/ Phooeymobile: **_Hong Kong Phooey gave the gong a bong, and the Phooymobile became the Phooey-chopper. It instantly buried itself into the ground as the car, not the helicopter blades, spun wildly._

"Alright, we didn't pick based on talent, or driving ability," Chris admitted, "We just pulled out the cast we felt would create the best TV for our ratings.

"So, by that standard alone, these ten race teams and cars were selected;

"Car number 1, driven by Duncan and Lindsay, who debuted from my hit series, Total Drama Island, in a car that was lent to them by Lindsay's 'daddy'."

_As Daddy's Ferrari blazed down the NJ Turnpike, Lindsay looked behind her._

"_Oh my gosh," the hot girl gasped, "We are like, so far from the other cars! I can't even see them! How'd that happen?"_

_Duncan grinned. At the last gas station everyone stopped at, he took the liberty of siphoning each car's fuel into the Ferrari._

"Car number 2, the Magic School Bus, driven by Ms. Valerie Frizzle, accompanied by her class."

"_All right, that's everyone," Ms. Frizzle said, turning back to the wheel. "Let's go- Whoops!"_

_Ms. Frizzle slipped, and her elbow hit a button on the Bus' dashboard. The Magic School Bus began to shake and glow, spinning in place uncontrollably. When the Bus ceased its rotation, the vehicle- And it's passengers!- had shrunk down to the size of a toy!_

"_Oh dear," Ms. Frizzle said._

"Car…using the term as loosely as possible, number 3 Sqaure's Wheels, driven…again, using the term loosely, by the Hair Bear Bunch."

"_I don't know how he does it either," Hair Bear admitted. "I'm just glad he does."_

"Car number 4, Sweet Tooth, driven by homicidal clown, Needles Kane."

"_Time to remove some competition…" Needles chuckled, steering Sweet Tooth out of the alley._

"Car number 5, The Rustbucket, driven by Max Tennyson, accompanied by his grandkids, Ben and Gwen."

"_Doesn't this have a hyperdrive, or something?" She asked._

"_It does," Grampa Max replied, "But I think we broke it landing on the George Washington Bridge."_

_Ben looked despondent for a moment before brightening up. "No problem! I'll just go Grey Matter and fix it in seconds!"_

_Ben began to fiddle with the Omnitrix. Grinning, Ben slammed his hand down on the dial, and in a flash became-_

_-Forearms?_

"_What the?" Forearms cried, looking at his newly acquired appendages. "Oh, man!"_

"The sixth car was the Freakamobile, driven by Freakazoid."

"_Aren't they cute?" Cosgrove commented as they watched several platypuses swim from one end of the racing pool to the other._

"_Just the way nature intended," Freakazoid sighed._

_As Cosgrove finished off his platypus burger(Made from 100 percent real platypus!) a thought occurred to him._

"_Hey, Freakazoid," the sergeant said, "Aren't you supposed to be in some big race?"_

_Freakazoid thought for a moment. "Oh yeah." The superteen realized. Stretching, Freakazoid said, "Well, gotta go, nice seeing ya, bye!"_

_Arms raised into the air, Freakazoid ran off, making 'woosh' noises as he did._

"Car number 7, the _Starship_, driven by Kirby, accompanied by Tokkori."

"_Why are you stopping?" Tokkori asked, flying after the pink puffball, "What's going on?"_

_Kirby didn't answer. Instead, he opened his mouth and began to inhale. Tokkori saw small dark balls flying off the bushes and into his mouth._

"_Blackberries?" the green bird asked exasperatedly. "You stopped us for wild blackberries!?"_

"Car number 8, the Desoto Adventurer, driven by Sam and Max, Freelance Police."

"_Say, where do you keep that weapon, Max?" Sam asked._

"_None of your damn business, Sam." Max answered._

"Car number 9, the Phooeymobile, driven by Hong Kong Phooey, accompanied by his striped cat…Spot."

"_Keep an eye out, Spot!" Hong Kong Phooey said, not looking up from the directions as they walked. "According to this, the Phooeymobile should be nearby- Yow!"_

_Hong Kong lost his footing and grabbed a hold of ledge._

_Spot slapped his forehead and grumbled._

"And last but not least, car number 10, the Mean Machine, driven by Dick Dastardly and Muttley."

"_Drat!" Dastardly spat._

_Muttley snickered._

"All together, that's ten cars, twenty-eight racers, and two million dollars on the line! And it all adds up to the biggest cross-country race ever!" Chris finished. "From New east coast going west, our racers have been giving it their all for those two big ones. And in the spirit of our more popular reality shows, we included an elimination bonus. The first five cars to reach the halfway mark at the west coast will be ferried to China, while the last five are sadly withdrawn from the competition. Suck to be them, huh?

"So, the big race began in New York City, where the racers were forced to find their cars before actually driving."

_The Freelance Police found their car in an alleyway in the bad part of New York City. The only problem was, a gang of belligerent punks found it first._

"_Look at that Max," Sam commented, "A gathering of society's castoffs have decided that our primary mode of transportation is accommodating enough to take for themselves, and are trying to claim it by means of crowbar usage."_

"_That's so touching," Max replied. He began to bounce on his fuzzy white heels. "Does this mean we can protect our assets as violently as possible?"_

"_Can't think of a reason why not," Sam shrugged, hands in pockets. "Let 'em have it."_

_With a gleeful squeal, Max pounced._

"In New Jersey, we sent our racers out on a slight detour into a maze of backstreets, to make things more interesting."

_The Hair Bear Bunch drove down the many streets in the NJ Labyrinth, making no more progress than any other car._

"_There's that tree again," Bubi Bear commented, "And there it is again…and again…"_

"_Okay, stop!" Hair Bear ordered, and Square's Wheels halted. "What is going on here? I feel like we're going in circles!"_

_A passing crow, flying above, wondered why three bears were going around a traffic circle._

_Square Bear unfolded a map. "We're here." He traced his finger from 'here' to the highway ramp. "And we need to get here." Due to the small amount of jam on his paw(A leftover from lunch), a line was formed between 'here' and 'there.'_

_Hair Bear reached over Square's shoulder and followed his finger downed the 'path' Square made. "If this is the way out of here, let's do it!"_

_Shrugging, Square Bear started up the invisible motorcycle and steered the Bears off the road._

"After going through Pennsylvania, the Magic School Bus met with some technical difficulties in Ohio, accidentally shrinking down to ant-size and being swallowed by Needles. Luckily, by using their brains- and Needles'-"

"_ARGH!" Needles screamed, clutching his head with on hand while keeping the other on the wheel. "This headache is murder! It feels like tiny people are jabbing pins into my brain!"_

"-They were able to escape. All the while, Dick Dastardly in the Mean Machine continued with his dirty tricks, trying and failing to disrupt the progress of the other racers.

"Sweet Tooth continued to be a menace in Indiana, as Daddy's Ferrari found themselves within the clown's scope. They were able to escape, winning the Indianapolis 500 at the same time."

"_Time to remove some competition…" Needles chuckled, steering Sweet Tooth out of the alley. A few minutes later the ice cream truck was directly behind Daddy's Ferrari. As the clown-head missile-launcher armed itself and aimed, neither Duncan nor Lindsay sensed any immediate danger._

_Then a nearby mailbox went up in flames._

_Ba-VWOOM!_

"_What the-!?" Duncan yelled, jumping in his seat._

"_Ohmigosh!" Lindsay cried, looking behind them. "Look!"_

_Duncan turned- and then slammed his foot on the accelerator. "Ohhh, crap!"_

"Upon reaching Illinois, we decided that our racers were having it too easy, and sicked a biker gang called the Flying Monkeys on 'em. I'm not sure which side suffered more…"

"_Can we help you gentlemen?" Sam asked loudly._

_One of the bikers responded means of bringing a crowbar down on the Adventurer's windshield, cracking it._

_Sam glanced at Max. "You know what? I don't think these fellows want to talk."_

"_Pull the car over, Sam," Max said, "I'll take care of them."_

_Sam did so. The bikers stared as Max got out onto the roof of the car._

_Max smiled. And then he jumped into the biker gang._

"While the most of our cars took the river route in Missouri, Daddy's Ferrari were too busy being pinched- for speeding!"

"_Is something wrong?" Lindsay asked._

"_Oh, nothin'," the sheriff said, his voice laced with sarcasm and a southern accent. "Just that you're driving in a wanton, reckless, irresponsible manner." The sheriff thrust out his hand to Duncan, dropping the mock courtesy. "Let me see your license, boy!"_

"Pretty lame, right? But I guess even a hardened criminal can only go for so long without being caught.

"In Kansas, the Freelance Police were flung somewhere over the rainbow, while Freakazoid and Lindsay broke out- in song! Not bad voices, too."

"Somewhere over the rainbow…"_ Lindsay sang, her voice ringing out into the air, _"Way up high…

"There's a land that I heard of…

"Once in a lullaby…"

_Suddenly, the Freakamobile drove up alongside the Ferrari, on Lindsay's side. Freakazoid opened up his windshield, stuck his head out, and began to sing as well._

"Somewhere over the rainbow…"_ Freakazoid warbled, _"Skies are blue…

"And the dreams that you dare to dream…

"Really do come true…"

"In Colorado,"Chris continued, "Our racers took a break a hotel, where they had a close encounter with a vile hotel monster- who turned out to be Needles, in serious need of a bath."

_Hammer Kirby went at the Thing, bashing it with a variety of hammer-blows. Eventually, the Thing, beaten senseless, went down. Kirby gave the Thing one last tap with his hammer, and dried mud crumbled away, revealing…Needles!_

"_So it was Needles Kane this whole time!" Dastardly cried._

"_I get his plan now," Hong Kong Phooey remarked, "He thought that by pretending to be Chris' monster, he could eliminate us and take out his competition."_

"_Actually, I just couldn't find the shower," The fire-head clown admitted, rubbing his aching, burning noggin._

"In Las Vegas, the Hair Bear Bunch, forever on the run from zookeepers, managed to avoid capture by joining a magic act."

"_Ladies, Gentlemen, and suckers…" An announcer's voice droned over the hubbub, "Pinky's Palace proudly presents…the Great Mamambo!"_

_The curtain opened up, revealing three things. The 'Great Mamambo,' a grinning man in a rhinestone tuxedo with a rainbow cape and an Elvis-pompadour like you wouldn't' believe, Lindsay, dressed in her showgirl outfit, looking more confused then she's ever been, and, in a cage, the Hair Bear Bunch!_

"At the end of the first half in San Francisco, our five finalists were determined. Daddy's Ferrari, Mean Machine, Desoto Adventurer, Magic School Bus, and Rustbucket! At least until Sweet Tooth blew the last one out of the race."

_The clown head on Sweet Tooth then fired a missile- at the Rustbucket!_

"With the first half of the race finished, our five finalists were ferried to China in the lap of luxury on a cruise liner, being given some much needed rest and relaxation."

"_Here are the keys to your rooms on the Jack Benny deck," Chris said, handing each team a key with a Chris MacClean keychain._

"_What do you think the Jack Benny deck is like?" Lindsay asked Duncan._

_One trip down the elevator showed everyone what a Jack Benny deck was like._

_It looked like a sewer, with slightly worse cleaning._

"_It figures." Duncan shrugged._

"Re-starting the race in China, Ms. Frizzle's class learned a few things about the Great Wall, while Dick Dastardly had a close encounter with an ancient Chinese curse."

_The panda(Wearing Dastardly's clothes) whipped out a sign that said, 'What is this!?'_

"_Is very tragic story, sir," The guide explained, "Two thousand years ago, panda fall in spring and drown. Now, anyone who fall in spring take form of panda when wet!"_

'_But what about Muttley!?'was written on a second sign the panda that was Dastardly said._

"_Oh, he fall into 'Spring of Drowned Dog.' No problem for him."_

_Panda-Dastardly flipped his sign around, showing the word, 'Drat!'_

"In Russia, the drivers of Daddy's Ferrari and Sweet Tooth were forced to work together to break out of a Russian prison, while Dick's torment didn't end as he got stuck on some cartoon physics."

"_Let's go, Muttley!" Dastardly yelled, slamming his foot on the accelerator, "We've got a race to win!"_

_The Mean Machine's engines roared and the car charged straight toward the tunnel…_

_CRASH!_

…_Where it smashed spectacularly into the wall._

_Muttley snickered._

"Things got a little twisted in Ukraine, where we decided to have our racers swap cars at the Russian border, making things more mixed up than usual.

"Transylvania proved to be all that and a bag of chips, when our racers had close encounters of the scary kind, proving that things _do _go bump in the night."

_Needles left the 7-Eleven with a spare tire under his arm. As he took his first step onto the graveyard, multiple rotting cadavers erupted from the earth._

_Zombies!_

_Unaffected, Needles pulled out his chainsaw and started it up._

"Meanwhile, the five race teams that didn't make the cut were living up in France, at the special resort called Château Les Faillite, watching the mayhem from afar."

_With a giddy laugh, Ben jumped off the diving board into the pool splashing Hair Bear, who was relaxing poolside. The bear was not amused._

"Austria was by far one of the most time-constraining stops in the race, as each car had to find a passport needed to move on to Germany."

_Needles tore up his envelope and read the letter inside. His eyes widened. "Fliegerhorst Brumowski?!"_

"_I was hoping you'd get that one, dude."_

"Not that Germany was a breeze, as the German military were conducting war games along the route. Nothing like a some explosion to keep interest up, huh?"

_With the sound of gunfire filling the air, the Bus drove across the battleground, miraculously avoiding the flying bullets. That is, most of the bullets. Inside, the class and Liz were on the floor, ducking for cover._

"_Is everyone all right!?" The Friz asked, lowering her body as much as she can. She had a firm grip on the wheel, and an old German army helmet on her head._

"_We're fine!" Tim yelled back._

"_But I think we owe the Bus an apology after this!" Carlos put in._

_As a stray shell came a little too close to impacting the Bus, Arnold glanced at Keesha._

"_I hope our auto insurance can repair all this!" He hollered._

"_I think Geico stops at World War Three!" Keesha commented._

"And so, there you have it." Chris finished, "After going through twelve states, seven countries, and ten cars, we are now down to France? Who will take first place? And how many cars be left over when it's finally over? Find out next time, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"


	21. Fin Finish

"Last time," Chris, standing in front of the Eiffel Tower, "On Drag Race: Worldwide!

"Our racers were forced to take the scenic route in Germany. And by scenic, I mean, mindlessly destructive as only the military can be. Though there were some hits, everyone got through.

"What will happen now that they've reached France?" Chris asked, "Find out today, on **Drag Race: Worldwide!**"

Episode 21: Fin Finish

"Ahh, morning in France. The smell of freshly baked pastries in the air, the light of the sun, warming the flowers cooled by night, and the subtle sounds of dewdrops dripping. It truly is the epitome of peace." Chris blew an air horn through a megaphone. "And it's about to be smashed to pieces by our five finalists! At long last, the time is here, to decide the winner of Drag Race! And to bear witness to this momentous occasion, here comes the last place losers!"

A bus drove up, stopped, and drove away, revealing the Tennysons, the Hair Bear Bunch, Freakazoid, Hong Kong Phooey, Spot, Kirby, and Tokkori.

"Enjoy your trip, crew?" Chris asked.

"No!" Gwen grumbled, "Kirby inhaled everything, including the reading material!"

"It was awesome!" Ben laughed.

"So, Chris," Freakazoid said, strolling over, "Whatcha got planned for the finalists? Anything" Freak' leaned in close, so that his face was on top of Chris', "_Eeeevil?_"

Chris took a step back, causing Freakazoid to hit the ground. "No, nothing big. Just a few minor obstacles to keep the race interesting."

"No one's going to get hurt, right?" Grampa Max asked, concerned as well he should be.

"No one who hasn't already signed a waver!" Chris smirked.

Bubi Bear pointed over to the side. "Hey, what are those?" About a few yards away were some large machines, rather like arcade videogames.

"I'm glad you asked, Bubi Bear!" Chris proclaimed, "Those are special monitors for the racers, one for each car. With these, you can see what's happening to the drivers from our specially installed hidden cameras. Also included is a deluxe radar, showing just where they are in France. And Pac-Man."

Each monitor lit up.

"Let's check the car line-up, shall we?" Chris asked, brimming with sadistic anticipation.

"Moving along the French countryside, we've got in fifth place, Daddy's Ferrari. In fourth place, Sweet Tooth, The Magic School Bus is in third, and the Desoto Adventurer is in second. But where's the Mean Machine?"

**Mean Machine**

The Mean Machine was parked caught a long distance ahead of the pack, behind a row of trees.

Dick Dastardly and Muttley, armed with chainsaws, looked up at a monstrous oak with great respect.

"I think I shall never see," Dastardly pontificated, "A roadblock lovely as a tree!"

With that, he turned on the chainsaw and began to carve through the tree.

"Get to work, Muttley!" The villain yelled, "We need to get all these trees down before the other cars get here!"

"Rassin' frassin' messin' mossin'…" Muttley muttered, turning on his own chainsaw.

**Mean Machine Cam: **_"At this point in the race, I'm not gong to harbor any illusions on the ability of the other drivers," Dastardly said, "One tree surely won't stop them. But, a bunch of trees? You better believe it!"_

"There, that should do it!" Dastardly sighed, gazing at their handiwork. There was now a pile of logs on the road.

"I'd like to see get by that!" Dastardly laughed nefariously. "Ahh, here comes someone now!"

The Magic School Bus drove up and stopped before the log pile. In a flash, it became the Magic Harvester, and began to displace the logs from their place in the road. In a few minutes, it had made the single log pile into two smaller ones on both sides of the road, and moved on.

"Drat! Foiled again!" Dastardly swore. He ran back to the Mean Machine. "C'mon, Muttley! We're losing time!"

Muttley began to snicker, only to be pulled away.

---

Back at the Eiffel Tower, Ben was studying Sweet Tooth's monitor.

"So Chris," He began, "These can tell you _exactly _each car is?"

"You got it," Chris assured, "And since the racers are now on a marked course, they can tell you where they're gonna be, to boot!"

"Really!" Ben quickly looked both ways before sneaking off.

**Rustbucket Cam: **_"Look, I'm not petty," Ben explained, "It's just cheaters don't prosper. So there's no way am I gonna let that clown win if I can help it!"_

"Hey, Ben?" Gwen called out, looking around. She was wearing a T-shirt with the Eiffel Tower on the front. "Ben? Where'd he go now?"

"Beats me," Hong Kong Phooey replied. "Where'd you get the shirt?"

"At that Wall-Mart," Gwen answered, pointing. Directly opposite of the Eiffel Tower was a large Wall-Mart. "They've also got an arcade, I thought Ben would like to see it."

Freakazoid and Kirby came out of the Wall-Mart, wearing a variety of Wall-Mart goods.

"These places are everywhere!" Freakazoid exclaimed.

**Sweet Tooth**

With the Desoto Adventurer up ahead and within firing range, Sweet Tooth launched missile after at the Freelance Police's car- to no avail. Each time Sweet Tooth fired a missile, the Desoto would swerve out of danger's way at _just _the right time.

Needles Kane was not amused. "I don't believe this," He growled, "What kind of driving are they doing?!"

**Freelance Police**

Completely unaware that their lives were in danger, Sam and Max dozed, the wheel being held relatively steady by a string tied to it from the radio knob.

**Freelance Cam: **_"Remember, kids," Sam explained, tying the string to the wheel, "It's important to get at least ten hours of sleep per day."_

**Mean Machine**

Meanwhile, Dick Dastardly was up to another sneaky trick. He had dug another pit in the road-

"Excellent work, Muttley!"

-Or to be more precise, he had _Muttley _dig another pit.

Muttley, panting like the dog he was, rolled his eyes. They tried the pit gag before.

"Don't give me that look," Dastardly snapped, "This one is guaranteed to work. You see," Dastard gestured to where the pit was, "Instead of a flimsy tap covered by leaves and dirt that never breaks, the pit is covered by planks of wood, held up by a pole in the middle. When a car drives over it, the planks see-saw up, the cars go down! Hahaha!"

**Sweet Tooth/Desoto Adventurer**

Back down the way, Sweet Tooth had another missile armed and ready.

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_"If this heat-seeker doesn't get 'em," Needles fumed, "I'll be fresh outta ideas."_

Up ahead, the Mean Machine pair waited for anyone to blunder into their trap. While the Desoto Adventurer drove smoothly across, Sweet Tooth wasn't so lucky. Just as the missile launched, the planks (As Tricky Dicky predicted) went down, causing the ice cream truck to hit land in the pit, hood pointed up. This meant the missile went flying up as well.

"We got one!" Dastardly laughed victoriously- then paled when he saw who. "Oh no! Sweet Tooth!"

Even worse, Needles saw Dastardly skulking in the bushes. "You!" He snarled.

"Run, Muttley!"

---

Back at the Eiffel Tower, Freakazoid had a question for Chris.

"So, you said you had some surprises in store," Freakazoid began, "So where are they? I'm not seeing any."

"Oh, don't worry," Chris assured, grinning, "There'll be plenty of surprises. In fact, Daddy's Ferrari is coming up to some right now!"

**Daddy's Ferrari**

Lindsay eagerly flipped through a fashion magazine she was reading, giving each page an unnatural (For her) look over.

"I am going to go on the _king _of shopping sprees!" Lindsay squealed. She glanced at Duncan. "When do we get to France?"

"We're _in _France." Duncan grumbled, a little peeved. That was the third time he told her that.

**Ferrari Cam: **_"You know, I thought driving around the world with a hot chick would be fun," Duncan fumed, "But after getting used to her looks focusing on her personality- her _lack _of personality, I'll be glad when this thing is over! Hot chicks like her, should just stay shut."_

**Ferrari Cam: **_"You know, I thought Duncan was a really bad guy," Lindsay admitted, "But now that I've gotten to know him, it's like he's not that bad anymore! I bet he's just got some family problems, like him being a criminal and his parents are cops."_

Before Lindsay could say anything else that might tick off Duncan, the road that they just drove over exploded, causing the car to bounce.

"What the heck was that!?" Duncan yelled, eyes wide.

"Are we still in Germany!?" Lindsay asked, looking around.

---

"Where'd you guys get more landmines?" GRampa Max asked, alarmed.

"The Germans sent us some leftovers from their war games," Chris explained, "And I just hate to let good props go to waste."

**Daddy's Ferrari**

BOOM!

BOOM!

BA-BOOM!

Duncan kept the gas pedal pushed down as far as it would go, not letting up as each mine exploded barely a second after they drove over one. This went on for several minutes, until after the ninth explosion, when they found themselves driving on uninterrupted.

"Is it over?" Lindsay asked, panting and sweating.

"I think so," Duncan gasped, having held his breath for the duration. He stopped the car. "Hold on, I need to get myself together."

As Duncan and Lindsay tried to slow their accelerated heart rates back to a more human speed, a crow landed on the road just a meter ahead of them.

BOOM!

Duncan and Lindsay stared at the hole with smoke and feathers floating around.

"Well whaddya know?" Duncan said, sounding a smidge hysterical. "One left."

---

Chris laughed at the expression on Duncan and Lindsay's faces. "Those looks," He snickered, "Are keepers!"

**Mean Machine**

Surprisingly, the drivers of the Mean Machine weren't trying to set up any dirty tricks, as they were too busy looking for a good place to set up some dirty tricks. And a good place to hide from Sweet Tooth.

Up ahead was an old farm, where two hound dogs were taking their afternoon nap.

Until the larger of them heard the car approaching.

(Wake up, Lafayette,) The large dog ordered, nudging his partner, (We got work to do. I hear tires approaching.)

Lafayette, the smaller, pudgier of the two dogs, wasn't so inclined to get up. (Aww, Napoleon, do we hafta?) He complained, (It's 'posed to be our day off!)

(Nevermind your naptime,) Napoleon growled, (It's for television. Now, let's see…) Napoleon lifted one of his ears to hear better. (It's some kind of funny car…hand-made, not store-bought… with spikes and rocket boosters…like some kind of spaceship with wheels…) Based on those predictions, Napoleon made his decision. (Sound the charge, and get ready to move out!)

Dastardly heard the sound of barking, and looked back to see the hounds chasing at him.

"What do those stupid dogs want?" He asked, annoyed. "Probably just some dumb car chasers. Never mind them."

But Muttley, loyal as a villains pet can be (That is to say, not at all) was more interested in what the hounds would do if were they a little closer. So, rolling down his window, Muttley held out a tether for the hounds. The rest was inevitable.

**Dastardly Cam: **_"Hey- Where'd you-! Muttley, help!" Dastardly yelled as the two hounds began to attack him. The camera angle shifted over to Muttley from the force of the ruckus._

_Muttley snickered._

Moments later the hounds were booted out, still barking. Inside, Dastardly gave Muttley a good bonk on the head.

"You try something like that again," He threatened, "And it's the dog pound for you!"

Muttley, in spite of himself, snickered again, getting another bonk on the head.

**Sweet Tooth**

After losing sight of the Desoto Adventurer, Sweet Tooth caught up with the Magic School Bus.

**Sweet Tooth Cam: **_"I don't know what's wrong with me," Needles groaned, "I should've killed them all by now! But I'm gonna make it up, right now!"_

Chuckling evilly, Needles readied his guns.

FWOOOM!

**Magic School Bus**

Arnold heard the explosion.

"What was that!?" He cried, looking around frantically.

Dorothy Ann looked up from her book. "I wonder." Looking behind her, she saw out the Bus' back window the smoldering wreckage that used to be Sweet Tooth.

Carlos saw it too. "A lucky break, or karma?"

---

"Hey, Chris!" Chef Hatchet yelled from over by the monitors, "Check this out!"

Chris walked over to Sweet Tooth's monitor and gave it an appraising look. "Huh, didn't see that coming. Okay, everyone!" He called out to the losers, "Due to an unforeseen and unexplainable blast of metaphysical thermal energy, Sweet Tooth has been eliminated from the race!"

Gwen brightened. "That's great! Wait 'till Ben finds out!" She looked around. "Where is Ben, anyway?"

**Tennyson Cam: **_Heatblast gave the camera a double point. "Booya."_

**Daddy's Ferrari**

Duncan and Lindsay were listening to the radio and Chris' voice broke into the broadcast.

"_Attention, racers! Sweet Tooth is now officially disqualified!"_

Duncan exchanged looks with Lindsay. "F'real?"

"_F'real."_

"This is great! Woo-hoo!" Lindsay whooped, "Now that mean clown can't get us!"

It was at that moment that the heat seeking missile came down.

Ka-boom!

It didn't kill them or wreck the car, but it sent the Ferrari into a spin.

"Ugh…what hit us?" Duncan groaned. As he tried to sit up, he felt a searing pain in his arm. "ARRRGH!"

"Duncan!" Lindsay cried, "Are you okay?"

"No! Errrg…" Duncan winced, clutching his arm, "I think I broke my arm!"

"You broke your arm? Oh no! You can't drive with a broken arm!" Lindsay began to panic when an idea came to mind. "I know! I'll drive!"

Duncan and Lindsay switched sides immediately. Fastening her seat belt, Lindsay adjusted her seat, mirrors, checked her hair in the mirror…

**Ferrari Cam: **_Duncan, his arm in a sling, sighed. "So much for first place."_

…Eventually, she started the car and drove off, at a much slower pace than when Duncan was driving.

**---**

Back at the Eiffel Tower, fierce discussion was afoot.

"No way!" Freakazoid protested, "Luffy could _so _kick Naruto's butt!"

"Nah, I don't believe it," Hong Kong Phooey shrugged, "Naruto's got kung-fu skills- Luffy's just an angry thug."

"You're crazy," Freakazoid decided. He looked at Ben, "Ben, back me up on this- Ben!"

Ben waved. "Hey."

"Where've you been?" Hong Kong asked, "You just disappeared!"

"Uh, out for a walk." Ben said evasively, "So, who's winning?"

"It's currently in a three-way deadlock, with Daddy's Ferrari in last." Chris explained over from the monitors.

**Magic School Bus/Freelance Police**

The two cars drove on, with the Desoto Adventurer in front, and the Magic School Bus in the back.

FSHWUUMP!

The Bus transformed into a more rocket-ship like configuration, and blast over the Desoto, turning back into the Bus as it landed.

**Bus Cam: **_"That first place is as good as ours!" Ralphie grinned._

**Mean Machine**

Up ahead, Dick Dastardly had set up another dirty trick. He had set up some dynamite, wired to detonation plunger. As the other two cars got closer, Dastardly pushed down on the plunger-

BOOM!

-Which blew up in his face, making him scorched black with soot.

Muttley snickered.

---

Vast amounts of squealing pulled Chris' attention from the monitors. There was a large crowd of girls surrounding the entrance to the nearby Wall-Mart.

"What's that all about?" The host asked.

"There's going to be a huge sale at the Wall-Mart, Chris." Grampa Max explained.

"Sale?"

**Daddy's Ferrari**

As the Ferrari drove merrily along, Duncan decided to turn on the radio.

"Might as well see if they announce the winner," He sighed, pretty much accepting the fact that victory at this point was impossible.

"…_Also, we'd like to remind our listeners that the Eiffel Tower Wall-Mart is having its annual fifty-one percent off sale, better hurry or you'll miss out on all the bargins…"_

Lindsay gasped. "There's a sale at Wall-Mart!?"

Duncan scoffed, "Yeah, like that matters."

Lindsay was no longer listening. It was like a fire had been lit in her soul. The fog that normally surrounded her brain vanished. Her eyes narrowed. Her grip on the steering wheel tightened. He foot slammed down on the gas pedal.

VRRRROOM!

"Yow!" Duncan yelled, being thrown back by the force of the acceleration.

---

"I think I see them!" Chris announced, looking down the way with a pair of binoculars, "In front, it's the Magic School Bus, followed by the Desoto Adventurer, with the Mean Machine in third place!"

"Looks like Val's got this thing wrapped up," Grampa Max commented.

"Hold that thought," Chris said suddenly, "I see something else coming up, something fast!"

**Magic School Bus/Freelance Police/Mean Machine**

All three cars were sent spinning by the force of what seemed like a huge cloud of dust speeding by.

"Good heavens!" Ms. Frizzle cried, trying to steady her Bus, "What was that?"

---

"Here it comes!" Chris yelled, "Duck for cover!"

Everyone dove out of the way as the dust cloud plowed through, coming to a screeching halt in front of the Eiffel Tower. When the dust settled… it showed a Ferrari with two teenagers, one looking bit more thunderstruck than the other.

"And the winner is," Chris laughed, clapping his hands, "Daddy's Ferrari!" He looked over his shoulder to see the other cars coming in, "And in second place, the Freelance Police, the Magic School Bus in third, and it's a big dead last for the Mean Machine!"

Everyone cheered as the other cars drove up. Dastardly leapt out of the Mean Machine and rushed over to Daddy's Ferrari.

"No fair!" He howled, "You switched drivers! Cheat! Cheat!"

Lindsay didn't pay him any attention, she just got out of the car and broke into a mad dash- to Wall-Mart.

---

Later it was time for the trophy giveaway. The drivers of each car stood on a prize podium. Duncan(Who's arm was now in a cast) and Lindsay(Who now had lots of shopping bags) stood on the first place stand, Sam and Max stood on the second place stand, and Ms. Frizzle with Liz on her shoulder stood on third, while her class gathered around. Everyone else stood gathered around, giving the winners some space. Oddly enough, Needles wasn't here. Instead, there was a somewhat unshaven, dirty man, with messy black hair.

"Who's that?" Arnold asked, worried.

"They found him in Sweet Tooth's wreckage," Phobe explained, "he says his name is Marcus Kane."

"Welcome, to the trophy ceremony!" Chris proclaimed, "At long last, it is time to announce the winners of Drag Race: Worldwide: Daddy's Ferrari, driven by Duncan and Lindsay!"

Everyone cheered(Except Dastardly) as Chef Hatchet handed Duncan a large novelty check of two million dollars. With one arm, Duncan couldn't hold it up, but Lindsay held up the other end with her arm.

"So, whaddya gonna spend your two mil on?" Chris asked, leering.

Lindsay blinked, and looked at Duncan's cast. Then she looked at her dozens of shopping bags. "I think I already spent it."

Every laughed.

"You know, there's only one thing that can make this day rock any more." Duncan commented.

"And what would that be?" Chris asked.

Duncan gave him a nasty smile.

---

"No! No! Guys, my hair! My FACE!" Chris wailed in protest as Duncan and Sam held him down, "DUDES!"

Max finished tying a rope around the bumper of bus, the other end tied to Chris legs. He gave the bus driver a thumbs-up. "Take it away, Pierre!"

As the bus roared to life, everyone cheered Chris was dragged off.

"Now that's what I call a happy ending!" Ben laughed, doing a low-five with Marcus. "Hey, who are you, anyway?"


	22. Credits

Chris MacClean, Duncan, Lindsay, Chef Hatchet, Eva, Escaped Psycho Killer, Izzy, Owen- _Total Drama Island_, FreshTV

Dick Dastardly, Muttley- _Wacky Races_, Hanna-Barbera, Warner Bros.

Ms. Frizzle, Liz, Arnold, Carlos, Dorothy Ann, Keesha, Phoebe, Ralphie, Tim, and Wanda- _Magic School Bus_, Joanna Cole, PBS

Freakazoid, Sgt. Cosgrove, Fanboy- _Freakazoid_, Warner Bros.

Ben Tennyson, Gwen Tennyson, Max Tennyson- _Ben 10_, Cartoon Network

Hair Bear, Bubi Bear, Square Bear- _Help!...It's The Hair Bear Bunch!_, Hanna-Barbera

Sam, Max- _Sam &Max: Freelance Police_, Steve Purcell, Fox

Hong Kong Phooey, Spot, Rosemary- _Hong Kong Phooey_, Hanna-Barbera

Needles Kane, Marcus Kane- _Twisted Metal_, SingleTrac, Sony Computer Entertainment

Kirby, Tokkori- _Hoshi No Kirby_, Warpstar, Inc., Nintendo

Junsenkyo Guide- _Ranma ½_, Rumiko Takashi, Studio Deen

Napoleon, Lafayette- _Aristocats_, Walt Disney Company

(Special announcement)

During the course of this story, I received an email containing car/driver suggestions for the sequel. I have no intention to write a second season. This was just a one-time thing.

However!

If someone wants to write a sequel, I won't mind, so long as they follow these base guidelines.

1) Canon cars only. Nothing make-believe or fanmade. The car used by Duncan and Lindsay, Daddy's Ferrari, is a reference to the Total Drama Island website bio for Lindsay, when it mentions her daddy.

_She's also a Daddy's girl... and Daddy makes a lot of money. When he's not spending time taking care of this vintage Ferrari, he lavishes his 'little chipmunk' with whatever her heart desires. _

So, unless its origins have some base in canon, nothing fanmade.

2) Cartoon characters only. Unless they have an animated series, like Sam & Max, the Magic School Bus, or Kirby, don't include them. One of problems I'm having with this section is that authors try to jam as many characters from different media, like Voldemort from Harry Potter, even though has been(Thankfully enough!) a Harry Potter cartoon…and Potter Puppet Pals web animations don't count. I know I'm breaking this rule with Sweet Tooth, but the cut scenes in Twisted Metal: Head-On were good enough for me. Basically, if you _are _thinking about adding someone who may not be from an animated production, Email me first. My address is in my profile.

3) Credit me. Just as the previous credits told you where each character is from, you should also be sure to mention who's story you're writing after. Something like, 'Based on work by Cybertoy00' will do.

4) Chris MacClean MUST HOST, aided and abetted by Chef Hatchet. He's is like the SYMBOL of animated reality series, thanks to Total Drama Island.

Aside from that, do it however you'd like. Be creative! Go wild! The sky's the limits…or not.

Later!


End file.
